


Darcy's nest

by TheHappyEgg



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alpha Darcy Lewis, Alpha Phil Coulson, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Aromantic Natasha Romanov, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Bad guys do victim blaming and they should feel bad, Darcy Lewis-centric, Epic Friendship, Except she is not, Father figure Phil Coulson, Heart Attacks, Hurt Clint Barton, Mention of human experipentation, Multi, Omega Darcy Lewis, Polyamory Negotiations, Protective Everyone, Protective Natasha Romanov, Smashing gender stereotypes, They all get the hugs they deserve, Women Being Awesome, nothing detailed, past abusive relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 58,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6813625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHappyEgg/pseuds/TheHappyEgg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an ABO universe, just after the battle of NewYork, Clint is imprisoned by SHIELD. He thinks he is responsible for all the deaths but specifically the one of his Alpha bondmate : Phil Coulson. To save him, Natasha Romanov, her gamma friend and pack mate,would do everything. Because without an alpha, Clint risk to follow Phil to the grave. That's why she asks Alpha!Darcy Lewis for help.</p><p>The thing is crazy because Darcy had met Clint like twice in her life but she is ready to fight everyone and Thor's brother to save her friend. If Clint needs her to be his Alpha, so be it. She will be his alpha.</p><p>The problem: Darcy Lewis is very much an Omega and very very fucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. Another empty night another idea for a full story. This one will explore Polyamory in an ABO context. I have two main ideas : develop Darcy's background and give Natasha all the hugs.
> 
> As a dyslexic French I also have an urgent need for a beta reader for this story.
> 
> Even with the actual mistakes, I hope you will like it.

"We need to talk," said Black Widow. And when the Freaking Black Widow in full badass catsuit told you that, you didn't try any "You can't break up with me, we aren't even dating" jokes. Darcy may have tazed Thor (hell she has!) but she wasn't totally lacking in survival instincts either.

That's why Darcy immediately left all the boxes she was holding for Jane and followed her inside the tower.

Jane had taken a plane as soon as she could to catch Thor after the battle of New York (the media had so dramatic names. Who even tagged the battle of New Mexico on Twitter? No one. You are not the fucking center of this universe, USA).

Technically Darcy knew she would meet the newest heroes of Midgard. She had already met two before. Clint ‘my arms have been modeled by merciful gods’ Barton and Thor ‘I once created a full religion by showing my abs to Scandinavians’ Odinson.

But it wasn’t the same. Clint and Thor were friends and she had met them before she knew their hero status. On another side Darcy had been an Ironman fangirl for years. Mainly because female superhero were having ridiculous representation on mass media. Until the battle of New York, (OK, this is a stupid name but people immediately know what you are referring to) Darcy had been fangirling over the stunning red head for days when she and Jane took the plane.

There was an evident lack of information regarding her. But it was the same for Clint. Darcy supposed it came with being a spy. Their gender and civilian name weren't even revealed and most of the pictures available were blurred. Darcy had tried a bit of hacking into SHIELD for a few tumblr purposes but she had to go so deep into SHIELD's security that she had made the decision to stop. Great power, great responsibility, and everything.

Darcy had supposed the redhead was Clint's bonded friend he talked about. Natasha. He seemed pretty gone on her even if things were totally platonic between them. It was not uncommon between gammas from the same pack to grow siblings like links. People often dismissed gammas' sexuality because nothing should exist outside of the holy alpha-omega perfect match made in heaven. Fuck you sexist asshole.

That's why Darcy had been such a fan of Ironman. The guy was a total dickhead but also a proud Beta. He had made it his life objective to prove that betas were not the caring, diplomatic, self-sacrificing golden heart every one describe. And it was awesome. Ok, after recent events, maybe Ironman was a bit self-sacrificing, but diplomacy was still not in his vocabulary. Darcy loved people that use their fame to smash gender stereotypes. And no one knew how to smash a sexist bigot like Tony Stark.

But back to Widow. The super spy-assassin-alien-slayer that wanted to talk to her the minute she entered in the building. Efficiency, your name is Natasha. The woman’s scent was very discrete but she could smell the familiar scent of Clint on her. She also identified Natasha's own scent on what she remembered of Clint's. Her olfactory memory immediately categorized the information. Both of them also had the very distinct scent of their alpha that was so close to her own alpha scent. It was very strange because it didn't smell like her at all but as the same time it kind of did. It was a bit disturbing.

Clint had been surprised to appreciate an alpha's scent other than his pack leader’s. A bit guilty even. Darcy had also felt the incredible pull to the spy. And it had nothing to do with the fact he had arms like only Asgardian could equal (OK, only a bit). Contrary to Clint's first fears she hadn't gone all dominant alpha on him. And rather than aggressively bombarded him with powerful pheromones, she had asked him for a drink. They talked all night long like old friends. Both favoring an uncomplicated friendship rather than addressing this strong attraction between them. They had keep contact. A bit. She didn't have a reference for normal international-assassins-to-civilian communication frequency. But she guessed they were alright.

The media was a bit unclear on Clint's role in the battle (Hawkeye, that was his work name and wasn't it hilarious?). But Darcy knew it was bad for her friend. Natasha's scent was screaming distress. It was subtle but Darcy had learned early on in her life to read scents. Clint had a wonderful vision. She could decipher scents like a pro. It wasn't a very heroic superpower but it was useful in everyday life.

It was also worrying because the Black Widow should have been trained to control her pheromones. For her to be that readable, she had to be in an intense emotional distress. Darcy had to fight her basic instincts to protect and mother hen the shit out of her. Darcy was also very afraid because the Widow was still not talking and inviting her deeper in the tower. This was bad.

Darcy had finally accepted that she had to do something and let herself release a few alpha pheromones. Protective messages. Family. Safe. Home. Protected. It should have helped the gamma spy center her thoughts to help announce whatever bad news she had to release. But the spy naturally synced with her and started to release more and more stressed out signals.

Darcy was fucking panicking because Natasha shouldn't react that much to her scent. Like she was her mate. Her alpha. And it wasn't even like Natasha was an unbounded lonely gamma. She had Clint and their alpha. A three member pack was big enough that these things should be physically impossible. Fuck. What the hell was happening?

Darcy started to worry for Clint. The loss of a mate could create this kind of reaction. In theory. She had studied a bit of gender studies in Culver before changing her major, again. The phenomenon was still unproven but not unheard of. A gamma that had lost a mate trying to bond with someone outside of their pack. Craving for someone to protect. For orders to follow. For family to anchor them in this world after their loss. A natural reaction from the body to protect the grieving member from self-harm.

Oh. Clint. Darcy's heart was beating so hard in her chest and she was starting to have difficulty breathing. Ok keep calm Darcy, you can do it. Breath in and out. You can do it girl. You are strong. You are a proud alpha and you are bigger than this. You are doing good. Alpha can save themselves. No one had ever seen an alpha breaking down for something so trivial. Alphas were cool headed made for action and command. True heroes. Heroes don't break down. Come on, girl. You are Darcy Fucking Lewis and you are stronger than that. Do it for Natasha. Do it for Clint. Do it for yourself. No knight in shining armor will came for you. You are no princess. You are an alpha and you will rescue the fuck out of yourself. Self-rescuing badass Darcy that's who you are.

Darcy was so in her own head trying to contain her panic attack, triggered at the thought of losing a man she had met twice in her live, that she was surprised to see that they had reached their final destination. It was a small bedroom. Impersonal but impregnated with Natasha's scent. She had probably slept here for the last few weeks. Darcy had no worries that this room was probably one of the most secured on Midgard.

"I am Natasha Romanov, the spy you may know under the name Black Widow. But I am not here with you as the professional spy. I am here as Natasha. I am Clint's gamma bondmate," Natasha started in a calculated slow tone.

"I guessed so. He talked about you. I am Darcy but you probably already know that. Is he--?" How do you ask someone you just met if their life partner died in an alien invasion?

"Clint made it out of the fight. But he has been compromised. Thor's brother, Loki, brainwashed him with an unknown alien artifact. He spent most of the battle fighting for the other team. Against his own colleagues. Against his pack and Alpha." Natasha's voice was horribly devoid of emotion. Darcy didn't know if she wanted to hug her or to punch her. Natasha continued her story at the same implacable pace. "Even though he regained control of his body, he is distressed. He needs me and he needs his alpha. And I will do whatever I can do to help him. »

 _Why are you telling me that?_ Darcy wanted to shout. But she didn't because it was not her role. Her role was to listen quietly to all the intel this gamma was telling her. Because that was exactly what this was: a gamma reporting to an alpha superior. If the Black Widow thought she could be of any help in the situation, Darcy would do it in a blink.

"Clint is in isolation in a SHIELD cell. I am not allowed to see him. And I am afraid he will lose his mind if he isn't reunited with his pack." Stated Natasha.

"But that’s illegal. They are violating his human's rights. You can't separate an alpha from one of his mates in distress. You should imprison both of them. »

"Yes but my gender doesn't have this kind of privileges." Yeah, fucking sexism.

"And his Alpha?" enquired Darcy.

"His alpha, our alpha died during the battle. Clint is alone." Revealed Natasha. And what a wonderful manipulator she was. Dropping information one after another until the final revelation. Darcy was suffocating.

"I am sorry for your loss," She answered stupidly.

"A gamma can only mate once in their life. So you wouldn't be able to bond with him. But your scent is very close to our-- his ex handler. You have a rather high clearance level for a civilian and someone else high ranked has a debt to Clint. I know it's crazy. But he told me about you. About the link you felt. If you tell them you are his alpha and give a guarantee for him I still have a chance to protect the last member of my family."

Natasha was not speaking lightly it was a really crazy idea.

"Please, you can save him. If you felt half of the things he told me he felt for you, you will do it. And if it's not enough because it's never enough. I am at your disposal. I am one of the most efficient assassins in the world. Clint once saved my life and if you help him, I will be yours. Protection, assassination, sex, power. Nothing will be out of your reach. I will be the perfect obedient puppet that they trained me to be. And I will do it with a smile. Always happy to serve. You will even forget that I am a slave. Your remorse will disappear as I will slowly learn to anticipate your desires. The perfect weapon in your hands in exchange for my friend's safety."

Darcy wanted to throw up. It was actually a little bit of a miracle that she hadn’t already spoiled the Agent’s impeccable catsuit.

"Clint has killed children, innocents, colleagues, and friends under Loki's control. He probably blames himself for the loss of his alpha. And I can't do anything for that. I can't twist my biology. I need a trusted alpha to order Clint around while he is weak. He needs all the comfort my body is unable to produce because I was made to serve, attack, and die for the nest's pack. Clint doesn't trust alphas. You are the only exception. Besides Phil. Before his death Phil, his alpha and a SHIELD agent, read your files. Even if he never met you, he marked you as a person of interest. You have both of my mates' validation. Will you be the alpha our friend needs?"

Oh gosh, she was so fucked.

"I will but--" tried Darcy.

"I don't need empty promises. I want you to think about how to take care of your new charge. And how you will deal with him never belonging to you. I will disappear for a while. Create your space in the tower. I need time to pull strings to let you see him. In one week, if you haven't changed your mind, I will come back and drive you to SHIELD. If you can prove in front of a crowd of experts that you two are bonded, you will be able to take him with you to Stark tower. Don't take your mission lightly. If you dare hurt him I will end you so slowly you would have preferred that we never stopped this alien invasion." And in a blink the spy disappeared.

Darcy fell on the bed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. She slowly tried to integrate the tons of information that were crushing her to the ground. For some unknown reason Clint reacted to her like she was his alpha. A theory she has refused to consider until now. However her hindbrain was screaming 'pack' 'mine' 'family'. She was practically sure that the same thing was happening to Natasha, no matter how the spy had tried to hide it.

Clint. Her friend. (Her family. Her pack.) was in grave danger and he needed her as an alpha to save him from himself. The ultimate problem in this already twisted situation was that Darcy Lewis the alpha has always been pure invention. She was an Omega and she was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been beta-corrected by batman. Because Batman is awesome like that.


	2. Gathering intel

Darcy accorded herself a full hour of panic, another half hour of crying and a one last hour for sleeping from emotional exhaustion.

Then she faced the problem like she faced everything in her life: with badass music and post-it lists.

She decided that Beyoncé’s natural skill at being a music goddess would be needed to face the rest of her day.

She listed her priorities: she must take holidays from the lab to prepare herself. This one didn't really have a very high priority as Jane lets her have basically whatever hours she wanted. She would probably notice her absence after three days of intense sciencing without sleep, food, or personal hygiene.

That point of her list was an easy one to do. It was good for her ego to have a few successes behind her before really starting to work on her objective.

She talked with her friend. It went smoothly. Jane would probably forget about it in two hours.

She left her post-it notes everywhere in Jane’s lab. She put things like 'No science without eating first' 'Take a nap, now! Yes I know you are not sleeping in my absence. Go now. Yes, you can use the lab's couch.' ' Between all this science remember that I love you' 'Have you showered recently?'. It was her mode of communication when she had to be far away from Jane.

Thor who was a bit cautious with Midgard's culture regarding courting and gender (Asgardian had something like three or two genders. Unbielievable, isn't it?). He had asked them if it was Darcy's form of courting the omega woman his heart has chosen. Asgardians were also exclusively monogamous. Why not. Darcy was not here to judge. Darcy had explained to him it was not a dating thing, not even an alpha thing but mostly a Darcy thing. And it was purely platonic.

Darcy was glad because this misunderstanding forced her two favorite lost puppies to actually talk about feelings and relationship goals. Jane's first love was for her stars and Thor's was for adventures. Both found the perspective of a monogamous romantic and sexual relationship with some quality alone time very appealing.

They completed each other and cared for each other in a way Darcy had never seen pictured in any romantic comedy. Or anywhere else either. They were outside of what society saw as traditional and desirable relationship goals for an omega. Darcy couldn't care less. Jane was probably not even aware of what was expected from her as an omega. Or, if she had been, she had preferred to remember the composition of more than one hundred star's atmosphere and respective coordinates instead.

After Darcy had briefed (terrorized) some mad scientist’s interns into taking care of Jane in their everyday routine, she left the labs.

Darcy had always been great at multitasking, so she had sorted in her mind the next steps to accomplish the mission: taking care of your traumatized gamma as an alpha. When you are not an alpha. When the gamma is not yours.

As it was past bedtime and the next people she needed to talk to were actually following the sun's path (yeah, a very strange concept, I know Janey), she decided to read scientific documentations.

Darcy was and always will be a student at heart. She could function on coffee and cold pizzas for weeks without sleep. Her time as a PoliSci student had increased her already impressive reading capacity. And more importantly it increased her ‘read between the lines of a book on a subject you know nothing about while listening/watching at the same time the current Netflix show’ capacity. With that skill she managed in one night to look like she had actually been to the magisterial courses on the following morning exams. Yes, she was awesome like that.

Because she was running short on time on this one, she decided to not see Netflix shows but more educational videos. She asked Jarvis (hello computer engineering minor I took last year) to select for her the most pertinent video footage from the battle of New York or pertinent events on the two previous weeks. Keywords: Clint Barton aka Hawkeye, Natasha Romanov aka Black Widow, and Phil Coulson (codename: unknown).

At four o’clock she decided that the scientists who published social papers on pack dynamics or PTSD were mostly assholes who had no idea what they were talking about. She should be used to it but sometimes Darcy was a bit naive. She preferred to say she had hope in humanity. On an optimistic point of view, Stark had already downloaded all the files concerning the battle of New York from SHIELD for her. Less hacking meant more sleep. So congratulation Lewis, you are updated on New York, Stuttgart, and Pegasus events, you can accord yourself two full hours of sleep.

At 6:30AM she was in Pepper Potts' office with two Starbucks. She had managed to make a deal with the AI. If Jarvis helped her with her future pack's security, she would also take care of Tony Stark during her working hours. And really, how hard could it be? She had dealt with Eric no-thinking-with-pants-on Selvig and Jane no-sleeping-until-Thor Foster. Stark couldn't be that bad. If at some point in the future she would regret her deal with the Devil, Darcy was still too happy to have access to Pepper Fucking Potts's agenda to care.

If Clint Barton had never been inside Stark Tower that was not the case for his pack members. Natasha had been there undercover. As a spy she had probably hidden most of her real persona, but Darcy was too conscientious not to dig a bit. Natalia had spent most of her time under Pepper's command. Pepper was also a friend of Phil Coulson. In the name of her friend's memory, Pepper accorded some time to talk with Darcy about them if the Darcy could take care of his widowed bondmates.

At seven she was in front of Captain America's door, who was fresh from his shower. Hello yummy abs. She asked him if he could return to her Phil's collection of cards. A thing he did immediately, blushing and calling her ma'am. And wasn't he a cutie. He seemed so happy for a little small talk with her that she asked him,

"Hey Cap. I am looking for tips from a PTSD veteran to take care of my gamma bondmate. There is a therapy association not far from there. They have time reserved for gamma ex-military. I am going there at the end of a session to meet a few of them. Would you like to join me? You could also look if you are interested in these sessions for yourself. Who knows, maybe they even have old fossils from WWII like you there!"

She added a joke at the end of her proposition because she didn't want to pressure him into anything. Besides, History had made it clear that the Gamma Captain took orders from no one except his fellow partners Bucky Barnes and Peggy Carter.

A pack only composed of gammas was so decadent at that time. People were now a bit more progressive. A bit. They didn't burn them anymore. In most states. Or it was a rare occurrence. Ok stop depressing thoughts and back to the objective of the day: find the guy named Sam Wilson who organized the session and introduce herself.

At first Sam Wilson was a bit rude when she told him the story of her traumatized gamma veteran partner. Sam made it real clear that he was a pack-equality activist. He vehemently affirmed that her gamma had a tongue and it was inadmissible that she was talking for him. She was a bit surprised by the whole overreaction and speech. Until Steve spoke:

"Actually, Darcy is not my alpha. Just a friend. She really has a gamma veteran bondmate to take care of and she wanted first hand experience from gammas. If I was not talking it was because I always had problems talking to people I have a weird crush on. Not because she is the boss of me."

It was official. Captain America was a dork. A cute one though.

Sam Wilson became immediately more open. As the three of them had a free morning (talk for yourselves, boys) they decided to have breakfast together. Most important meal of the day, Sam repeated at every occasion.

She let them talk, as she did not have much to share on the subject of distressed gammas. Besides she was here to educate herself, not to hear herself talk. This time allocation was good in her books.

The boys shared stories of fellow military friends. What gammas used to like from a friend, a partner, a packmate or an alpha. Obviously every gamma was different and asking for help from the person directly was always the best plan. But sometimes you had to improvise.

Darcy was not great at improvisation (see more at the battle of New Mexico events). And as far as the ‘letting instinct talk’ idea, she personally didn’t have any alpha instinct. Because closeted omega, obviously. Her omega ones were so unused that she was not sure if they existed at all anymore or if she had slowly learned to integrate them in her everyday life as a passing alpha.

That's why Darcy compensated for all improvisation and instinct with hard work. If Darcy were a witch (like she used to dream so much), she would be sorted into Hufflepuff before the sorting hat could touch her head. Darcy was proud of her self-chosen home. She didn't see why caring and hard work were so disrespected.

At some point (near their third breakfast), the boy's talks had switched from What-I-like-my-partner-to-do-while-I’m-having-an-anxiety-attack to What-I-Would-Like-You-To-Do-To-Me-In-My-Wildest-Fantasies. Darcy decided it was time to excuse herself. She had reached her limit on unresolved sexual tension for the next three years. At least!

These lovebirds were cute so she forgave them even before getting back to the Tower.

She had also smoothly gathered information on what omega partners were supposed to do. You know just for scientific curiosity. Smooth Darcy, smooth. You would be Natasha's level of subtle in no time.

Being back at Stark Tower, she started a more practical aspect of her plan. Find the most secured location in the building and start her nest there.

Nests were usually built by alphas for their pregnant omega. A nest, a fact Darcy discovered early in her life, was an awesome thing to have. It was a personal and safe space, smelling like home. People of every gender found comfort in this special place. But, once again stupid millennium traditions: it was reserved for pregnant omegas and built by their strong doting alpha partner.

Darcy Lewis was not giving a single fuck. She had always built herself nest in every location she had to spend more than a month in. Sometime it was something very small but when she was somewhere to stay, it could be the most awesome pillow fort ever seen by pillows fort architects.

She didn't really know if she loved it so much because she was an omega without a pack (sacrilege) or as a result of passing for an alpha for most of her life or another random result of childhood trauma. She didn't care. Nests were cool. Darcy was cool. Darcy was good at taking care of herself and didn't really question things that made her happy.

Stereotypically people from different genders were looking for different things in a nest. For alphas it was a way to demonstrate their worth at taking care of the pups to come. Omegas wanted a soft and fluffy environment for their kids. Betas would have a pragmatic approach of things with trivial matters like food rations, water, or things like that. For gammas whose gender predisposed them for a nest’s defense, they were looking for a secured place. Hidden to respect their pack's need for privacy and their personal need for a place easy to defend.

As Natasha, Phil, and Clint were all government agents, she took the wild guess that they would first care about security before anything else. Besides after a traumatic experience like New York, Clint would need a place he knew was safe enough to allow him to be weak. The same could probably be said about Natasha. The poor gamma offered herself in exchange of her last packmate’s protection. Darcy just wanted to jump on her with a blanket, roll her in the warm fluffiness like sushi and cuddle her until Ragnarock.

She asked Jarvis for the best place to defend in the tower, he directed her to the man whose name was written in big letters on his phallic tower. _Don't say anything about compensating for something!_ Everyone and their omega sister had said this stupid joke. A stupid joke that was centered, just like the rest of the society, on alpha's knots.

Stark wasn't compensating for a knot he didn't have. He was a happy beta and he wouldn't want another orientation for anything in the world. If you didn't know that, you weren't listening, dude.

So hey, let's met her landlord! Technically she had already met him via Skype but that didn't count.

Stark was acting just like the sassy asshole the media described. Her request was surprising enough to catch his attention while he was hard at engineering. Yes, she had recognized the mad sparkles in his eyes she was used to seeing in Jane's.

"Why the Fuck would you want to build a nest in my Hulkproof room, you who is an an unbonded alpha?"

"Technically speaking, without an alpha, Colonel Rhodes, Miss Potts and you are also unbonded. But even the most sexist media have accepted to call you a pack before I had blown out my tenth birthday candles. You are not in good position to condemn other people's life choices."

Stark growled dangerously at her but Darcy needed more to be impressed.

"Come on, don't get your panties in a twist. I am not invalidating your family. I just want you to do the same for me." Snapped Darcy like she was educating a disobedient puppy.

"Ok OK, social justice warrior, do as you please. Build every nest you need for your out of the ordinary family I am not judging. I still don't see why I should give you my Hulkproof room."

It was a turning point in the argument.

“It’s for Bruce to stay in!" Explained Stark like the pouting child he was.

Thanks to regular SHIELD's hacks, Tony Stark had been aware of Fury's interest in the Hulk for his team of circus freaks. Stark was much more interested in Dr. Banner’s very big brain. Mad scientists... He had hoped for a long time to invite him into his home and had built a technically indestructible cell to contain the giant. Both to protect Bruce from hurting anyone but also to protect Hulk from the I-shoot-when-I-am-afraid military.

Darcy understood his resistance to give away his beautifully secured room. In a way, hadn't Stark built a nest for his friend? Note for later: consider Stark's nesting personality. Back to the point, this room was a beautiful peace of technology and designing it must have been difficult. But now that the thing has been invented and already constructed once, he could build another wherever he wanted to in two weeks. Two weeks Darcy didn't have by the way.

"If you give it to me, I can convince Clint and Natasha to move in Stark Tower," declared Darcy. She knew the paranoid genius wasn't trusting SHIELD that much (you don't hack an ally you trust twice an hour). But on another point he was quite gone with the Avengers idea. He just wanted a team independent of the Shady Eye Patched Pirate.

He had immediately asked them to join him in his tower. To allow bonding time for the team. It was an international safety condition for them to get along. He used every stratagem he could think of to have them near him. At a second look it really looks like Stark is a nesting alpha with his team.

He never managed to convinced Black Widow and by extension Hawkeye (in psychiatric isolation, remember). Natasha had made clear that her loyalty belonged to SHIELD. Darcy thought that her loyalty belonged to her pack, a pack that happened to be SHIELD agents.

She was ready to set the base on fire and salt its smoking ashes to have her mate back. So not the Fury puppet she pretended to be.

"How could you do that when I couldn't?" Asked Stark doubtfully.

"Just because you have the diplomatic capacity of a well used sport sock doesn't mean everyone does," replied Darcy in a proud, aggressive, alpha way.

"So you think you can just obtain things from me with empty promises and sassing me in my own lab?" Stark was looking at her defiantly.

"I think so and I will. I’ve caught your scientific curiosity. As a mad scientist you are practically forced to give it to me. It's in the mad scientist rulebook," said Darcy with a smirk.

"Damn, who let you know about the rulebook? You are not supposed to be aware of the book before your second PhD. Foster will have to pay for it. I am sure she is the one who told you--"

"Come on, stop rambling. You like me and want to see me try where you failed. Give me the administrator's password. I have a nest to build," interrupted Darcy.

"J, grant this little monster her desires," said Stark.

"Are we talking about administrator's password or a more literal interpretation of the word desire because it would be in conflict with Miss Potts' rule number seven about sexual harassment."

Tony face palmed as Darcy laughed.

"Add a sense of humor to your AI said drunk me, it would be fun thought drunk me. J you are a constant reminder of why I had to stop drinking," he said to the butler.

"I am here to please," answered the AI in the most British voice Darcy had ever heard.

Darcy left the lab right after that; she had a nest to build in a containment room. Eric was also not answering her multiple phone calls and emails. It was starting to disturb her.

Later that night, in a location that must not been revealed here for international security, a phone rang. A phone most of the leaders of this world could only dream to have.

"Fury talking. Code Tango 73 Beta Beta 9 Charlie Tango 107. What is exploding? Where? How many time do we have?" Fury asked, irritated to be interrupted in his first minutes of sleep since New York.

"What are Clint Barton's comforting movies?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Lewis I returned your fucking iPod. How did you get this number again? It's not a game. This phone must ring when half the world is burning."

Fury breathed dramatically as he listened to the fucking undergraduate intern that he was starting to fear more than an actual alien invasion.

"Clint love anything with talking animals, archery or sports movie. Natasha loves to see video footage of classic ballet and culinary shows. And Cheese had the worst taste ever in shitty reality TV shows." He said managing to sound threatening saying 'talking animals'.

He stayed silent for a bit. Waiting for another unexpected request.

"Yeah. You too Lewis. Now fucking forget my name or I will send agents to punch your stupid laughing face for the rest of your life. And stop sending glitter bomb to the HR agents who are trying to recruit you. We are a spy agency not at Barbie's princess surprise anniversary!" The line went silent again but Fury could still hear her laugher. Fucking psychopath dressed as an intern.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone I'm happy to see the subscription and kudos number increasing slowly. You are making my days brighter.
> 
> I am still without beta though. (A beta reader, you ABO AU addict!)
> 
> Any help would be welcomed.
> 
> UPDATE : I have a beta reader. It's batman. It's the first time I am reread by the night. I feel privileged


	3. Two angry badass women in a car

Exactly seven days after Darcy first met her in the Stark Tower's hall, Natasha Romanov was back. Darcy asked Jarvis to warn her as soon as he detected the spy near the tower. Darcy was here to welcome Natasha.

“Good afternoon Natasha. I am happy to- -” Darcy started before Natasha interrupted her. "Have you made your decision?"

Natasha had to be under a great deal of pressure if she let herself interrupt an alpha. Not that Darcy thought anything good of those sexist etiquette rules, but seeing the Black Widow interrupt an alpha she was trying to charm was exceptional. It revealed how worried she was for Clint.

"Yes. I will do everything in my power to help my friend," Darcy said, looking directly into the spy’s eyes for the first time. To make her point clear, Darcy produced a wave of alpha pheromones screaming 'protection' and 'family'.

"Good. Follow me to the car. We don't have time for small talk." Immediately Darcy started to walk towards the discrete black SUV that the spy arrived in.

"Do you have any information that could help me?" Asked Darcy who was now in full rescue mission mode.

"Not here. I will brief you in the car." Natasha took the driver seat, obviously. Darcy hadn't even buckled her seatbelt before they were off.

Natasha was suspicious of Darcy but it seemed like she was her last hope. Letting someone help protect your own pack would feel like a failure to her. Darcy tried her best to not show empathy that the spy would surely interpret as pity.

Natasha recounted the previous week with efficiency. Obtaining permission for Darcy to meet with Clint had been much more difficult than she expected. And how much did it say when it was worse than what the most cautious and pessimistic spy in the world had planned.

There was a bit of accusation in the spy's voice as she told Darcy the difficulties she had met to let one civilian alpha into the base. It made Darcy uneasy because she didn't know what the spy knew about her. That was probably Natasha's plan all along.

Natasha probably didn't know about her omega status. She wouldn't risk her pack’s safety on a bet like that. It was already very risky to claim that Clint was Darcy's while he wasn't, not to add the fact that her biology didn't even allow her to claim anyone.

Maybe it was because of the glitter bomb to HR. Or the events in New Mexico. Or Fury finally carried out his threats. Or it could be about a few missing elements in her file. Most of her papers were faked. Administrative documents needed a blood test to verify someone's gender. She had done it progressively. Saying first that she wanted to lie about her age to drink. With that first fake ID she got another one, saying she wanted to be younger to have access to a school grant. She told the third guys that she couldn't drive for shit but that she needed a license for a job. She had progressively replaced all of her papers like that. Going to see more qualified people every time, more discreet, more competent. Darcy had never actually learned to drive. Maybe it explained a few things about New Mexico.

Natasha Romanov wouldn't give her the stink eye for road safety issues. Maybe Natasha didn't know what was wrong with her (about everything) and it made the spy crazy.

Natasha told her precious information on Clint and how Phil used to talk to him in stressful situations. How he might react. Natasha's report was all about efficiency. Maybe she practiced her speech or maybe she was just organized and naturally awesome like that.

Natasha allowed herself to ask only one personal question. She made it look like the question escaped her lips but the two women were both perfectly aware it was an act.

"You faintly smell like an omega but you are clearly unbound. You haven't dated anyone for two years and an omega for even longer. Actually, there isn't any record of you ever dating an omega in your life. I don't want to pry but the council probably will," said the spy cautiously.

"I am not interested in dating at the moment and not attracted to omegas in general. I once had an omega friend who was looking for protection. We initiated an emotional link. People around us would smell that we were courting someone and left us alone. Even if I am not seeing this person anymore, I don't see the point of breaking the link. At least random people won't judge my dating life. It's a coward’s solution but I am choosing my battles. I don't want to explain my celibacy at every occasion. My friend probably didn't break it for the same reasons. Will that be a problem?" Asked Darcy a bit defensively.

"As long as you save Clint, you could have no omega partner or thousands of them, I couldn't care less. But the council is made of sexist assholes. It is practically a necessary condition. They would prefer a more traditional alpha."

"Why am I not surprised? Ok. How about this: I am courting an omega with a very high society status. To impress them, I chose to bond with a gamma. I wanted to show them how serious I am about it and how I am willing to protect my weak little omega in distress." Darcy waited for Natasha validation.

"Could work. Why wouldn't it be in our respective files? Clint and I are referred to as bonded to an alpha partner but not to an omega." Darcy had the feeling that Natasha was challenging her. If she couldn’t be convinced, Darcy would probably never make it through SHIELD.

"As a traditional alpha, I forbade you to do so. I want to protect my future omega's reputation and don't want to see them associated with filthy gammas until they are carrying my pups," declared Darcy with aplomb. She was carefully producing angry alpha pheromones.

Natasha frowned.

"Too much?" Asked Darcy in a more natural tone, stopping her pheromone production like you would turn off a light. She was looking to the spy's for approbation and guidance. She felt no shame and recognized Natasha's competence like other insecure people would. Aggressively oppressing a gamma to feel empowered was not her thing. Alpha egos are so fragile.

Natasha smiled to her. "They are going to love you."

Natasha was really impressed by Darcy's capacity to control the emotions her body projected. While her natural scent was screaming alpha, she was very unaggressive. Only her personal space smelled like her. And she was really cautious with her pheromone release. It only happened when the alpha wanted to make her point clear. She was also very aware of how she positioned her body. For someone who didn't know what to look for Darcy could pass for an unworried joyful laid-back woman; even forgetful. But Natasha knew that it was only what Darcy wanted to show. Every move was calculated.

It was a strange idea to want to reduce her alpha's aura. The Alpha gender came with a lot of privileges. The stronger and angrier you appeared the more you were respected. The more powerful you were, the farther you could project your pheromones. It was uncommon to purposely look like an unassuming, non-threatening alpha. Phil actually does... did it. But Phil was a trained spy that had spent the last thirty years keeping his emotions to himself. He had been one of the best self-controlled alphas Natasha had met but Darcy was winning hands down.

It was the reason she attracted SHIELD's attention. Agents at New Mexico’s event had a standing bet on her; whether she was really that weak or just incredibly aware of her scent and body language. When the handlers heard about her, an alpha woman capable enough to trouble SHIELD agents by her acting skills, they were thrilled. It meant a potential recruit. Or an enemy.

They sent an undercover agent to test her. He met her at the university as a student. She trusted him quite easily and when he asked her about the non-aggressive way she expressed her gender, she talked freely about her passion for pack equality views. How she had trained herself to not trigger omegas that could react strongly to pheromones.

She also told him about her years of theater practice under Stanislavsky's method. During Queen Elisabeth's reign, alphas were the only gender allowed to be artists. But as plays sometimes had gamma, beta or omega characters, all of the performers should be able to pass for another gender. Sure, an alpha would never be able to totally mask his scent, just like an omega couldn't. They used a barrier of roses to separate the performers from the crowd. If the alphas controlled enough their emotions, it worked.

They managed it with a lot of physical training to create a visual illusion. People from different genders had typical attitudes that would betray their identity. It was a lot of work to unlearn everything you ever learned to do. Every breath, every movement should be calculated. The best alpha performer could do a credible beta or gamma. It was far from perfect but if they planned every movement, intonation, and their partner's reaction; it was like a magic trick. Everything was choreographed to look natural and effortless when it really wasn't.

Darcy had confessed she had learned a lot about gender issues. How people of other genders could perceive a situation. But it also highlighted what in her own attitude came from learned social movements made to perpetuated a tradition of oppression.

In her last year of high school, she had created quite a scandal at her traditional private school. She had been the stage director of a classic Elizabethan play with only alpha roles (easier to play at that time with only alpha performers available).  With her history professor she recreated a classic theater with the flower barriers and everything. The show was a success until the very end, when all the performers revealed that they were actually omegas. Darcy had almost been dismissed from the school.

It was an incredible performance. Even if the audience they fooled were not trained as spies would be, it was worth mentioning. If the story was real, Darcy totally deserved the ‘social genius’ label that a SHIELD analyst had written on her file.

In real life, you couldn't hide your scent. No one would trust someone who didn't scent right. With modern technology you could mask the weakest scents and create artificial ones. Alpha and Omega having the most powerful and characteristics scents, scientists were still unable to produce perfume able to fool anyone. However a beta could pass for a gamma and vice versa.

That was what Natasha did when she played Natalia. These perfumes were also terribly toxic. Not that Red Room cared. All the girls had taken these poisons in small injections until they were immune to them. Or dead.

Having an alpha able to hide their scent all by themselves would be an incredible asset to have for undercover missions. It was common knowledge among spies; you couldn't hide an alpha or an omega status. Agent Coll, the man that interrogated Darcy believed that with the correct training she could pass for three of the four genders. He also wrote that she wasn't a spy and not aware of how extraordinary her talent was. According to him, she thought that it was achievable for anyone with enough theatre practice. A bit naive but good training could correct that.

The report’s conclusion stated that while Darcy presented with an unprecedented natural skill and could easily be qualified a social genius, she was loyal to Jane Foster. The last sentence of her file was: As long as Jane Foster is breathing, Darcy Lewis will be at her side. Someone had reopened her file after Coll closed it and had underlined the sentence three times. In red ink.

At first Natasha had trusted the agent’s report. Well, as much as she could trust anyone. She had trained Agent Eric Coll on undercover works herself. When she met Darcy herself, she knew Darcy's file was wrong. But she couldn't pinpoint what it was. All the things Darcy had shared with Eric matched with the research she had done on her. Pack equality activist president from the first year of her high school to the last year of her unfinished degree. There were also different documents confirming her acting past. Even video footage of the omegas’ performance. It was far from perfect but still unbelievable for underage civilians. The best lies were the ones that contained truths. Who the hell was Darcy Lewis?

Clint was the only one that had met her. He had immediately liked her. He was so enthusiastic about her. He confessed to Natasha once that if he had not had Phil and her when he met the cute intern, he would have court her. Natasha always followed her gut. She felt something was wrong with Lewis. But it was not about Natasha this time. It was about the most important person in the whole world for her. The only one that mattered. She loved him too much to not respect his decision. He has chosen his own fate. He had chosen Darcy Lewis.

Clint was always seeing the best in everyone while she expected the worst. He was often heart broken; she was never surprised by betrayal. Clint cheesily said they were soulmates because they challenged each other so beautifully. Taking care of each other. Clint was the crazy man that saw the deadly independent assassin she was and thought, ‘I like her, I will put everything I ever gained at risk to give her a chance’. Phil had gone crazy but he loved and trusted his mate. He had bit her to offer her protection inside SHIELD. Her men were crazy. She was a pragmatic at heart and this plan was more suicidal than Stark’s on his worst days. But that was what Coulson had done for her. That was what he would do again if he could.

Natasha could only hope for the best. But should Darcy betray Clint's confidence, Natasha would not have any other purpose in her life than to destroy anything that matters to the young alpha. The Earth could burn; she would slowly torture the astrophysicist an alien god loved even if it was her last action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for those of you whose I promised Clint in this chapter but I wanted to write more of Natasha and Darcy complicated relation. A bit of Darcy's past is revealed but not that much because Darcy Lewis is a chaming lying little minx.
> 
> Thanks to everyone that wrote a comment, left a kudo, bookmarked or subscribed for this story. You are the reason I finished two chapters in two days. Thank you so much.
> 
> I am still looking for a beta reader :)
> 
> UPDATE : I found a fantastic beta reader who is going through all the published chapters. For anonymity, they wanted to be named Batman. If it's the only thing I can make for them, let's go for Batman beta reading. Thanks Batman <3
> 
> I also want to thanks the most dedicated reader ever, Liebekatze, who takes time at every chapter to give me an awesome grammar feedback.
> 
> I don't know what I did in previous lives to deserve you guys, but I probably saved the world. Twice.


	4. Austen project

When Darcy Lewis's name first appeared in SHIELD database, several alarms rang at the same time on the most decorated senior agents. Darcy Lewis was not just another name. Darcy Lewis was the alias SHIELD had created for a shady alpha male trafficker for undercover missions decades ago.

He was still a legend in the world of international crime, highly respected for his paranoia that had avoided him to be caught by governments however terrible his actions were. No one really knew who he has been for the simple reason that his bare existence was the fruit of years of conjoined efforts from spy agencies around the world. An ambitious project coordinated by the golden boy of SHIELD at that time, Nicholas Marcus Fury. The project was called Austen's project. Fury really appreciate his classics at their right value, OK ?

Different alphas played 'Darcy Lewis' role to tear down mafias who benefited from human trafficking. To accomplish such an unprecedented task, SHIELD spent more than twenty years building Darcy Lewis persona with different infiltrated agents. No one would have allowed to spend so much time and money to create a single undercover identity, but Director Carter believed in Fury's idea.

She has started to think of retiring and she needed a creative, relentless, reckless tactical genius like him for the future of the agency she dedicated her life to. Rumours were that if Carters' pet's project delivered, he would receive the directorship. Directly jumping to the top and beating out the co director approved by the World Security Council who was next in line for her seat.

They had used Darcy Lewis persona for ten years and successfully teared down the four largest Mafias that dared to traffic human lives under Peggy Carter's nose.

After twenty years, meeting another alpha named Darcy Lewis was not a coincidence. SHIELD wouldn't be standing if its top agents believed in coincidences. Since New Mexico they had sent various agents with faked mission Intel to investigate on Darcy Lewis II 's case.

They reopened every file of Austen project and any other mission records with the keywords "human trafficor" or "Darcy Lewis" for thirty years. The woman was obviously too young to be a direct victim of their undercover agents. However she could be a spy paid by a vengeful criminal. Some crazy villain confident enough in his evil plan to name his undercover puppet Darcy Lewis. An idiot who wanted to destroy SHIELD but wanted them to fear him, to know why they would suffer.

It could also be an independent alpha woman who wanted to appropriate Darcy Lewis's legend for herself. That hypothesis was credible until you added to the equation that this Lewis was joined at the hip to her astrophysist bff. Why would a wannabe human trafficker associate herself with a star nerd ? It made no sense.

Besides, SHIELD analyst thought that Darcy was her real name. Even the best spy couldn't totally become someone else. Brainwashed or not. Synapses in the brain created strong links that fasten the reaction in the cortex to certain stimuli. The most obvious example was when you call someone by their name. The best spies could fake to react to being called by their alias name but their calculated reaction was always micro seconds slower than the natural brain answer. At first they analysed every video footage of Darcy Lewis being called by 'her' name. Her reaction time to her fake name was close to the Widow's. These results were not conclusive.

They organised a fake neurology study on Culver's campus promising great money compensation to student participants. Darcy enrolled, and showed that her brain indubitably recognised Darcy Lewis as her name. The alpha used that easy money to pay for her and best friend's application on a symposium on rainbow bridge. It was depressing.

Darcy told her cute omega barista (level 4 SHIELD agent) that interrogated her on her rather masculine name that it was because her mother was a Jane Austen fangirl. She confessed to her teacher assistant and occasional drinking buddy (CIA inspector) that her father was jealous of his wife's passion for Mr Darcy. He named her Darcy to be sure his wife would always think of their first child when she heard his fictional rival's name. Her teenage self's internet account and, more recently, her previous Facebook pseudonym was Lewis Fitzwilliam. She took English literature options in highschool to deepen her Pride and Prejudice knowledge.

Lewis was also a quite common name in the Jewish community. 'Their' Darcy Lewis was a fervent believer and was well known for her eccentricities in the local synagogue. She was fighting for pack equality intersectionality and specifically on banning antisemist from safe spaces. That fact also invalidated the new emergence of a Hydra head, or it meant that she was more powerful than the most paranoid of them had feared.

She could also be the child of one of these criminals. They tracked every alpha offspring of caught criminal but also their alpha partner, best friend, mother and next door neighbour. They ran facial recognition with Darcy's ID picture from Interpol's most wanted list to local police's infraction.

Darcy Lewis records were depressingly normal. It wasn't like there were suspicious missing elements in her file. No, she had a long history of minor infractions that made her cover even more believable. SHIELD has been imagining the worst of her for months but as each attempt to catch her in her lies turned up another perfectly boring standard result, their fear of her increased. Who was that powerful enemy able to create so flawless cover ?

Cryptography department spent months trying to decipher coded messages in her iPod or her tumblr posts, without success. It seems like their criminal to be was just that fan of Beyonce. The mathematicians had hummed 'Who run the world' for weeks. Not very professional for the strict agency Nick Fury was trying to lead.

Every senior agent that had once worked on the Austen project were slowly succumbing to this massive paranoia crisis.

Out of ideas, Fury assigned the mission 'who the hell is Darcy Lewis II ?' to his best agents. Maria Hill, his Assistant Director, who was far too young to have known about the Austen project and could bring a new perspective on their actual crisis. Phil Coulson, one of the rare persons in the world able to name Nick Fury a friend, was helping Maria as one of the most important man in Austen mission at that time.

Maria had brought the revolutionary idea that Darcy Lewis II was named after the mysterious infiltrated alpha to thank SHIELD for his hard work. Someone who saw the agent as a protector rather than an enemy. They reopened all the files, looking for rescued civilian instead of vengeful thug. Once again it was a dead end as the alpha profile didn't match with any survivor or related parent.

After two full months of work on her file, both agents thought that even with the holes in her past, Darcy Lewis was no menace for SHIELD. Phil had subtly asked Clint about his new friend. Clint thought it was jealousy when it was information collecting. Phil concluded that someone able to laugh so genuinely at Clint's bad pun couldn't be evil. Maria Hill came to the same conclusion after having looked at the woman's iPod music list. It was no secret among SHIELD agents over 6th level that Maria Hill was a Beyonce fan. Maybe she copied a few playlists from the young alpha woman. For very professional reasons (no one helped to fill boring paperwork than the black music goddess).

The final reason why Darcy Lewis the second was not spied 24/7 anymore was Peggy Carter. Nick had visited his mentor and told her the last SHIELD's struggle. Ex Director Carter has been caught by an hysterical laugh so violent that she almost litteraly died laughing. Fury still hadn't a clue on where the fuck Darcy Lewis came from, but he accepted to close the investigation.

However when Black Widow came to protect her gamma mate arguing with SHIELD's World Security Council that the alpha woman was their mate. Everything went FUBAR again. World Security Council had almost all been there when Austen project and all feared for their lives.

Natasha and Clint's alpha mate identity was a secret for anyone but Nick Fury and Maria Hill. None of those dared to contradict Natasha. The Widow had obviously a plan and they were not the fool who wanted to test her patience when she was protecting her mate. However Fury was worried because Natasha and Clint were both field agents and not here since long enough to know about the Austen Project existence. Well, he worried until the mischievous pain in his ass called him at ass o clock to interrogate him on Clint's taste in comfort movies. Darcy Lewis file claimed in full caps lock : Loyal to fault to her friends. It was good in Fury's books.

For World Security Council it was another story. The main reason they let the pseudo civilian intrude their walls was because of Phil Coulson's participation in Darcy's file. You couldn't accuse a man who died in service to not be loyal to their cause. Besides it was common knowledge that Phil Coulson was very protective with his two favourite specialist. Rumours even once said that they were together but it was a stupid idea because Phil Coulson wasn't mated with any omega, and really, why would an alpha wanted a gamma by their side if it wasn't to protect a pregnant partner ?

The WSC guessed that Agent Coulson must have known his specialist's mate. If he approved Darcy Lewis, it meant that the woman was clean. Ahh the privilege to be the first (white cis alpha male) martyr of a war.

They allowed after one week of pouting, to accord the potential mate an interview with her supposed mate. It was, after all, against every law since the beginning of humanity to separate an alpha of their bonded pack's members.

They were however very suspicious at the woman's arrival. They called the best bonded pack dynamics specialist, psychiatric department's promising members and Melinda May, who was considered the best lie detector that even walk on SHIELD's floor.

If the alpha woman didn't prove her link to the brainwashed gamma, they were ready to arrest and dissect her in seconds.

Fury hoped that Widow knew what she was doing, he didn't wanted to loose three of his best elements in less than a month.

Darcy Lewis finally arrived to the base, her gamma partner always one step behind her alpha. No one had never seen such a submissive posture on the woman. WSC felt a weird sadistic pleasure to see the overconfident gamma finally submitting. Someone had put her in her true place and the Council's members already started to change their opinion on Darcy Lewis.

The alpha was radiating power, uncontrolled anger and rightful indignation. She was the textbooks definition of an alpha ready to fight for his pack in her shiny armour. If Darcy was exactly reproducing the famous Shakespeare play she had worked on two years ago, no one realised it. She was entirely her character, Romeo, brave and full of rage, here to avenge Mercutio, his gamma and best friend, murdered by Tybalt. Most of alpha on base bowed their head in submission of a stronger alpha.

Black Widow was not even pulling her all 'breathe too close, and I will crush your head with my thighs'. Like the gamma was confident in her alpha's ability to blow the base all by herself. It was even more threatening. She was just happily following her mate, over joyed to be able to be granted to see the show her alpha will give. Maybe she will even be able to kill some of them all by herself if her alpha was in good mood. If you though the death glare of Black Widow was terrifying, you clearly had never seen the assassin smiling. One week after, SHIELD organised group therapy to help agents suffering from PTSD from meeting the duo in the corridors.

WSC members were watching the live stream of the event. They all felt themselves shivering at the idea of being able to feel her indubitably strong and aggressive scent. When Fury bowed his head in submission when the alpha entered in the room, they start to really worry.

They couldn't guess that even if the Alpha pheromones Darcy was releasing were indeed strong, they were not that strong. None of them really needed to know that Fury had purposely placed all the baby agents who most feared the Black Widow. Clearly, if they couldn't see themselves that all the personnel on base that day was just a bunch of newbies, they didn't deserve to make decisions for an international spy agency.

If Director Carter had chosen Agent Fury to succeed her it was because he wasn't afraid to ask the Council to go fuck themselves (or the sexual act of their choice or eat a full cake) if they were taking stupid ass decision. Fury's reaction during the New York events had proven Carter was right. Ok maybe she also was thrilled to put a black man on her seat to piss off the Council but it was mainly for his competency and loyalty.

Lewis' encounter with Barton will happen in a small, secured room with a tinted glass where the jury of specialists, Fury, Natasha and the Council could hear and see them. They wouldn't be allowed to track the pheromone response of the two presumed mates. Intruding in a pack scent communication was basically like asking them to fuck each other in front of them. Some things were unthinkable, even in the name of security or : some things were too protected by humans right activist and public opinion for them too touch. Torturing innocent civilians, sure, let's go but intruding scent communication was just like killing fluffy kitten on national television. The world wasn't ready.

As soon as Darcy pulled the room's door, Barton's fetal form started to move and all could immediately distinct the words he said even before seeing the friendly face : "Alpha. Please. You came back. Please take me back, Alpha. I will be good. I won't fail you. Don't leave me again. I will do anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oups, I did it again. 3 chapters in 4 days.  
> The things your support make me do, guys...  
> Once again Darcy Lewis is accidentally badass. Clint ever appears in this one ! I know, I will rescue him soon.  
> Hope you liked it.


	5. Big bad abusive alpha in shining armour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dedicated read,  
> Great new for everyone, I have a beta and she is awesome. She is trying to correct my first chapters so hopefully you won't have to suffer from my spelling mistakes and other errors for too long.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING : this chapter refers to past abusive relationship (nothing graphic but it's here). Also there is a good dose of victim blaming (it is from the 'bad' guys and the story made it clear that these things are toxic)

Clint had absolutely no idea of who she was or where he was. He was just lost, crying, begging her to take him back and promising that he will be good.

Darcy added to her life goals list :   
\- Make WSC pay.  
\- Having a heated discussion with the All Father on how you were supposed to educate your sons. Tips : by not throwing them through random realms hopping they would come back wiser. Fucking neglectful parents. Yes with a S. You are concerned too Frigga.

Darcy just wanted to embrace Clint with her body and protect him from the nasty world forever. Actually, that's what she will do, as soon as she reached her nest. To achieve this objective, she knew she had to prove herself as an alpha to a bunch of oppressive assholes behind tinted glass.

Sure, let's play the abusive traditional violent alpha mate to a traumatized gamma who couldn't remember his name. What has she done in her previous life to deserve such a mess in this one?

She walked to Clint, controlling every movement. Her muscles tensed to not throw herself at him. She had a show to give. They wanted traditional alpha ? She would give them traditional alpha ! Her posture was all aggressive. Her mouth was twisted, giving her whole face an irritated glow. She looked frustrated to have to deal with such vulgar thing herself when she had much more important things to get down. Her eyes mustn't show any compassion.

However, her scent, the only way she could privately communicate with Clint, was creating protective pheromones like she has never had to. Protection. Family. Home. Safe. She was even wearing Natasha's clothes to bring him the support of his gamma best friend.

She said in a cold and assured voice. "Kneel". The man fell immediately to his knees at her feet. She used all her self-control to not wince at the sound that make his body meeting without restraint the floor. She put a hand on his neck to bow his head.

She was in the perfect pose for a gamma submitting unconditionally to his master. The picture they formed looked like an illustration from a social etiquette book from the 20's. The gamma wasn't even allowed to look at her because he hasn't deserved the right to.

What they didn't couldn't see was Darcy's hand approaching Clint's ears. Turning off Clint's earing aids with caution. Yes she had trained to do so. Asking for Jane's help to play the role of her supposed mate. Clint's earing aid's specification were written in his SHIELD file. With a bit of cajoling, Tony had revealed her all she had to know on it.

She knew that disabling someone's aids without their consent was an abominable thing to do. Letting him hear what she was about to say to him would be worst though. She had felt guilty every night to not being able to find a better solution but that was their best chance. Could you pardon me, my friend.

With Clint's gaze on the floor he couldn't be able to read her lips. She knew that deprived from their sense, a distressed person could have a panic attack. That's why she had looked for ways to communicate with him by other ways. Overwhelming his other senses with information for letting him know what was happening.

First there was her hand on his neck. She was wearing a pulsing ring specially designed by Jane. The ring was sending rhythmically little electronic shocks. The whole thing gave in Morse code: I love you. At the beginning the jewelry was supposed to be a Valentine's gift for the god of thunder. A way for his mortal girlfriend to show him her affection with his own symbol: electricity. Jane assured Darcy he wouldn't mind if Darcy had the privilege to use his gift first. Because she was his lightening sister and also because ' if his selfish ass doesn't understand that friendship and duty came before his own pleasure she will rainbow bridge his sorry ass on the farthest branch of Ygrasill to cure him from immaturity ' ( Dr Foster, you goddess). Darcy couldn't believe people really thought she was the most loyal of their duo.

Darcy was also wearing shoes with a trash polka style. She has had the idea seeing Steve trying to understand all the art movements he missed. The whole thing was rather esthetic even if a bit eccentric. If you focused your attention on the microscopic purple dots (Hawkeye's purple), you could read in braille : I am here to help you. Follow my lead.

She was not even sure Clint could read braille, and now she had seen him, she was starting to doubt he was even in capacity to read at all. There was no turning back, she had to keep it to the plan. Trust Clint. His superpower was his gaze and the attention he accorded to details. He will be good. He had to.

Darcy started to recite the speech she had prepared with Sam for the occasion.

After their first meeting, several breakfasts had followed. Sam was a wonderful person but he had survived terrible things. Him, his gamma partner Riley and their alpha handler were a pack. After Riley's death their alpha had gone crazy. Slowly he developed abusive gestures. Making Sam believe that he was the reason for his best friend and lover's death. The worst thing was Sam wasn't even bonded with the alpha and some people (assholes) had victim blamed Sam for staying.

Sam had finally escaped from his abusive alpha and started a therapy. It had saved him. He had decided to dedicate his life to veteran who struggled like him with survivor guilt but also as a pack equalist. Fighting to give abused people a safe place. Helping others was how he had managed to deal with his own fears. It wasn't a perfect solution, he still had bad days. Days where he couldn't make it out of his bed but life was slowly starting to get better.

Sam had helped Darcy to put together sentences an abusive traditionalist sexist alpha would say. Writing all these emotional abusive speech was tiring and they needed a lot of milkshakes to cope with it. Darcy also helped Sam to understand his feelings for a certain super soldier. Sam was afraid to not be ready for it, but he wanted it. He feared to use Steve as a replacement of the first love he lost. He had decided to offer his friendship to Rogers first. To take time to decided if he was attracted by the man or of the idea of him. Darcy Lewis was shipping it like crazy but she was the perfect attentive friend he needed her to be. If the Captain dared to pressure Sam for more, she will put him back in her freezer for another century. Darcy Lewis was definitely teamSam.

Darcy was also including in her degrading speech a few sentences Natasha had suggested in the car. Ush. She will wash her tongue with soap as soon as she was back at Stark Tower. Twice. Don't be so focused on your own feelings, you have a friend to save Lewis. Be the brave alpha Darcy Lewis you dreamt to be. Go, girl.

Clint was at her feet, shaking and sobbing. Maybe it was the sense deprivation. Or maybe he recognized her and it was the relief to be rescued. He could have long lost his mind and be in this chaotic state for days. Loki's spell could have fucked him for good or his alpha's death could have.

Whatever his reasons were (let it be relief), he was acting exactly like a gamma who had deceived his mate would. He was whispering like a mantra "Thanks for coming for me, Alpha. I am so sorry. Please. Take me back home. I will be good".

On the other side of the tinted glass, the scientists were all a bit green. The youngest of them had left to throw up. Only Fury, Natasha and Melinda dared to see the scene in the other room. No experts were even thinking to put their bonded status at doubt. They were all praising the WSC to let them write a report for abusive relationship. Whatever the law says, they couldn't leave their prisoner with his alpha. He will be dead before the end of the week. It was even the best scenario they could imagine if he left the cell with her.

The Counsil was not really convinced. It was not like it was that bad. She wasn't even hitting him. Should he be my gamma, I would have hit him a long time ago.

He is Hawkeye, one of the deadliest assassin they have, he could kill this civilian in a blink. She was doing anything he wasn't consenting at.

Besides New York had been invaded because of him, he deserved it. Have you seen the file of this circus freak ? Abuse all along, maybe that was what he was looking for. The only manner he accepted to be treated.

Moreover he had followed an other alpha, it was normal his actual one put a show of dominance to deserved him back. Yeah. He had betrayed her by letting himself been brainwashed by another alpha. (No, Loki was still not an alpha but it was unbelievable fir their closed minded mind to imagine power without alphaness).

Did you know that sometimes victims of abuse needed partner more terrifying than their abuser to feel safe again, to be sure their mate could protect them from everything ?

The Council's members were all too happy to get rid of the archer that had basically shut SHIELD down on his own. He was far too dangerous to be free. This alpha was providential for them. They wouldn't even have to break him themselves. What a beautiful day to be a world leader. Sometime they felt a bit guilty to murder people for international security but if civilians started to do it themselves, how could they ask for more ?

They were all chatting calmly. Validating the power demonstration and the violence Lewis was showing. Often contradicting in a single sentence their shitty victim blaming arguments. They were even more violent in their arguments than Darcy was in her reprimands. And Sam knew how she had worked on it to look the more abusive as possible. These people 's bigotery had no limits. When Natasha will told her that what Darcy had shown was far less oppresive than what they said, Darcy wouldn't be able to imagine it. Precious little thing.

"Please, director Fury, could you interrupt miss Lewis. She has undoubtedly proven her link with Agent Barton. There is no need to intrude in their relationship anymore. Contrary to what miss Romanov may think we are not voyeurs." Declared a WSC member when it became clear that none of them were paying attention to Barton and Lewis anymore.

Fury grumbled something and Natasha jumped on the door to join Clint in the room.

Melinda May who hasn't even pay attention to the WSC, turned herself to the camera.

"Well, I was happy to help but you seemed to have handled the situation. It is always a pleasure to consult for you, sirs. I left my note to the financial department,"said the Asian American woman before leaving. If once again they didn't want to listen what she had to say, she had no reason to walk on SHIELD's quarter any unnecessary second.

"Always a pleasure to work with you, Melinda. Your old team misses you, or the members that survived your departure," started Councilman Alexander Pierce before being interrupted by Councilman Yen "Yes, we have the situation in hand or dare I say miss Lewis has. Have a good day, ex Agent May."

The room slowly emptied as the councilmen’s webcam disconnected. Darcy Lewis left the cell room not even bothered by the scene she had just put. She was fiercely opening the walk. Often looking behind to see Natasha basically carrying her mate. Darcy looked frustrated to loose so many time because of her two worthless gammas. Darcy added a few nasty comments in the empty corridors about her believing that selecting International assassins she should have prevented her to deal with crybabies. How wrong has she been. She spoke without even looking at them, like they were not here.

Natasha was not sure of what to think. Darcy had done the job. Clint was free but at what cost ? Darcy had sadically pointed out every failure every secret insecurity of Clint and had maybe added new he hadn't yet. Clint wasn't even totally aware that she wasn't Phil ! Sure, she had to put a show for the Council for them to come back at their own business. Like the work they were paid for : assuring World Security instead of playing political games with Fury.

Because that was what it was. The Council has always been resentful towards Fury for taking their protégée 's seat with the help of Carter. Fury had used all his power to grant her this interview. He couldn't add a word in the Council 's debate. They wanted to make Clint pay because he was loyal to Coulson and to Fury before them. Eliminating one of Fury's pet was always a good thing in their agenda. Natasha knew she was looked at the same way. Only Darcy had to convince them.

How convincing had she been ! Could Clint ever come back to what he had been ?

What bothers her was that Darcy had respected every term of their contract. She had rescue Clint from WSC's claws playing his big badass abusive alpha. She will also protect him like a member of her pack.

Don't misunderstand her, she was grateful for what Darcy did. She was in debt with her. A black widow always keeps promises. From now, she will be Darcy's puppet and obey every command from her.

Natasha feared for Clint. She knew she was not objective on the situation. She was compromised by her feelings for the gamma. Maybe Darcy Lewis wouldn't be an oppressive alpha. She had seen far worst. It was not like her and Clint deserved a pearl like Phil had been. Love was for children. Happiness never last.

Natasha knew from experience that no civilian played that good an oppressive asshole. Sure, she was exaggerating the trait, but there always are a bit of truth in every lies. What was Darcy hiding ? Had she condemned her friend to a fate worst than the Council reserved him ?

Natasha was so lost in her thoughts, thinking if the worst scenario, that she was surprised to see they were back at the SUV. Darcy turned towards her and asked her with the sign they previously decided if it was safe to talk. Natasha came back at her professional assassin 's role, analyzed the scene and nodded.

Darcy came closer to Clint and asked him "We are taking you back home. One of us has to drive. Who do you prefer to stay with you in the backseats ? Natasha or me ? Natasha or me ?"

Clint answered a bit too loudly "Tasha." Natasha shouldn't feel so much sadistic happiness to see her mate prefer her to the wannabe alpha. It was childish. Even more when Darcy didn't look disappointed by his answer at all.

"That's ok. I will drive. Would you hand me they key please ?" Smiled Darcy like it was freaking normal. Like she wasn't going back an forth from one personality to another.

Natasha decided to focus on her charge instead of trying to understand the versatile alpha. She decided to keep Clint in her embrace and secured them together with the belt.

Darcy was on the front seat and had took back the purse she had left here. She handed Natasha a bottle of disinfectant, tissues and a pair of hearing aids. Natasha looked immediately at Barton's ears but the aids were still there. She looked confused at Darcy.

"I turned them off as soon as I could. But the way I did it had probably made them unusable. I brought another pair. They wouldn't be as adapted to him than the previous ones were but Stark is working on it. He will make them glittering and purple, sorry, he has a weird sense of humour," explained Darcy all unassuming and kind again.

"You turned off his aids?" Natasha had never been that lost since a young assassin made the decision to adopt her instead of killing her.

"Yeah. We wouldn't want him to believe all the nasty toxic shit i said there, would we ?"

For the first time since Clint 's capture on project P.E.A.G.A.S.U.S, Natasha let a real smile illuminate her face again.


	6. Surprise, I built you a nest ! Hum, sorry ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wish you will enjoy all the fluff
> 
> Batman, my fairy godmother, thanks for beta reading

****The ride back was silent. Clint was shivering in Natasha's embrace. When they arrived near Stark Tower, Clint recognized the place as one he still saw in his nightmares and asked brokenly "Home?"

  
Natasha slowly smoothed his hair, "Darcy lives here. It's your home now too. She will take good care of you."  
  
Clint became agitated. He was frowning and looking around frantically, afraid, not recognizing Stark's private parking entrance as home. "But home?!"

 

It was heartbreaking to see him trying to make a point but unable to communicate properly. Darcy didn't know if Natasha understood what he meant or if it was just a guess but she explained, "Phil's house has been cleaned by a SHIELD sanitizer. There is nothing there anymore and I don't trust you to go back to your apartment alone. Besides you are with Darcy now, she will want you at her side. "  
  
Clint didn't calm down but in his panic his words were undistinguishable to Darcy. Natasha confirmed "I am sure Darcy will let you pick some of the crap you carry around everywhere to your new place. I already asked the kid to take care of Lucky."  
  
Darcy was perfectly aware of the warning in Natasha's voice. You never wanted to deceive Natasha Romanov.  
  
Clint finally managed to form a sentence "You... You are... Home."  
  
Natasha was speechless and held Clint more tightly. Maybe Darcy had tears in her eyes but it was just the stress relief from the rescue, OK?  
  
Natasha was visibly unable to continue informing Clint on their current situation so Darcy took the lead on the explanation. "Don't worry, Clint. Natasha already has a room waiting for her upstairs. I wouldn't dare to separate my favourite assassin twins."  
  
Natasha frowned and her whole face screamed "Oh, really?"  
  
Darcy started to panic because maybe she had misread the situation. She had thought the spy would prefer to stay with her mate. Natasha had already accepted spending the first few days after New York in a guest room. It had been temporary but obviously living at Stark Tower wasn't the problem. Why would she want to live with Darcy when she didn't have to? Darcy was awful at reading spies. Natasha probably already hated her. How stupid has she been? Maybe the spy had even found her out. Knowing her broken, worthless omega status. Darcy tried to be brave and to save what she could. Darcy turned the car off, took a deep breath and explained.  
  
"We haven’t really had the time to talk about it. I couldn't reach you last week so I just made assumptions. That you wanted to stay near Clint. Or at least to have a guest room. But it's totally ok if you don't want to. I won't force anyone. I am really sorry, I should have asked. Do you want me to drive you somewhere else? Both of you? You are your own people."  
  
Clearly she was saying all the wrong things because Clint had started to radiate rejection and pain. He repeated the words that had already broken her heart into tiny pieces in Shield’s secured room. "Please, Alpha. Take me back. I will be good."  
  
Unable to think of another, more appropriate reaction, Darcy threw herself from the front seat to hold Clint close. She embraced him with comforting alpha pheromones to appease his wounded heart. She didn't know what to do but passing for an alpha all her life had helped her to control the messages her scent emits. Now, it was focused on: Love.  
  
No matter how instinctive her gesture had been it didn't take into account the space a car leaves for three people hugging in the backseat. It was really uncomfortable. Something was hurting Darcy's back but she didn’t dare let Clint escape her hug. Not before she was totally sure he knew he was wanted.  
  
Clint had closed his eyes and was nestling into her cleavage. It was a position all her lovers had adopted at some point but when Clint was doing it, there wasn't anything sexual about it. He was just a little bird afraid of the storm.  
  
Darcy tried to subtly move to avoid the pointy thing that was hurting her back but she only made it worse. She winced. Natasha was looking at her with her full attention. For some stupid reason, Darcy felt all insecure again and was afraid of the woman's judgment. Throwing herself on a spy without warning was not her best move, but she panicked, OK? That was the moment the spy chose to do something unbelievable. She burst out laughing at Darcy's silly position and her guilty face.  
  
Darcy was speechless for a few seconds before laughing too, happy to release the tension.  
  
Natasha gave her a kind hand to help her to sit more comfortably in the seat next to them.  
  
"Silly girl. We would be honoured to share your quarters. I wasn't expecting you to accord me a place in your home for Clint's happiness. You can't know what it means to me," said Natasha slowly.  
  
"Well, the last time you asked me for a favor for Clint you offered me your eternal servitude, so yeah. I can imagine it's serious business for you guys. Let's continue the whole relationship negotiation in a more comfortable place. Maybe somewhere with hot cocoa and comfy blankets."  
  
Darcy made it out of the car and Natasha gave her Clint. They manipulated him with infinite patience and kindness. Not exactly like you would carry a child sleeping in your arms but not like you would do for a lover either. It was a feeling just as warm and intense but the English language was limited in describing non-romantic love. Friends? Siblings? Soulmates? They didn't know and really they didn't care at the moment.  
  
There will be time for words later. It was just the beginning. Now, the women were just mesmerized to recognize the same love for Clint in each other, the same protectiveness. Natasha and Darcy weren't friends, not yet, but from now that they were sure to be on the same team. Their family's. Staying together was more important than how they stayed together.  
  
Both women with their terrifically shady past were still loyal to the one their hearts had chosen. Putting their people before their own comfort, security, and happiness. They were very different but they recognized a bit of themselves in the other's actions. Both feeling reassured by the fact that, should something happen to one of them, Clint would never be alone again.  
  
"We are going to use the private elevator, Jarvis can send us directly to my-- Our quarters without having to meet anyone. I don’t think we are ready for it," announced Darcy.  
  
Natasha smiled at the understatement. She noticed how Darcy said we. Including herself in the ‘emotional capacity of a teaspoon' team. Making it clear to Clint that he wasn't a burden and that they were all tired by the day’s events. Natasha didn't know how much Clint would catch, but she was satisfied by Darcy's wariness.  
  
The doors closed behind them but the elevator didn't move when Darcy asked for their floor. The AI cordially asked, "Which quarters are you referring to, miss Lewis? The ones on the guest floor or the ones on the scientists'?"  
  
Oh. Yeah. The nest. How do you explain to an assassin, that you had met twice in your life, that you had built a whole nest for her and her mate to welcome them without their permission? Maybe she had overstepped their boundaries.  
  
As an Omega, she had always found that a nest was an amazing thing to have. She was used to smashing gender stereotypes and built a nest for herself at every occasion. The assassin twins could read it all wrong and feel pressured whereas Darcy would have done the same for any of her friends. Actually, after Thor's departure she had built one for her crazy scientist best friend. On another side Clint was clearly distressed and she knew both from personal experience and the testimony from Sam's gamma veterans that a nest had great chances to help Clint.  
  
She couldn't guess his reaction, she could only ask. But in this rigid structured society the mere idea of building platonic nest or even a nest not centered around pups was shocking. _Come on, Darce, you are an alpha, you fear nothing_. She had already invested so much in this nest, and she was so sure it could help that she finally found the courage to ask Widow.  
  
"When you asked me to help Clint, I gathered information on gammas suffering from PTSD. A lot of papers concluded that gamma with a nest recovered more quickly. So I kind of build us one."

 

Darcy was deep red, tripping on her words. She was holding Clint protectively against her and looking at Natasha for approval. How Darcy could look both so protective and craving for approval at the same time was a mystery to Natasha.  
  
"A nest?" Repeated Natasha dumbly. Natasha was suddenly glad that Phil and Clint were not here (mentally or physically) to hear her so speechless. She always made fun of them when they stupidly repeated what you had justsaid. Hopefully Clint was too traumatized and in shock to notice and Phil was dead. Lucky her. No one would ever know how distressed she was at the idea to have a place she could claim for herself.  
  
Darcy continued to vomit excuses like she usually did when she felt ashamed "But I would totally understand if you think it is a bad idea. I don't want to treat you like a fragile omega. I usually build a nest for myself. I find it soothing. But just because I have stupid crazy habits doesn't mean you have to share my weirdness. You are the one who knows Clint the best. In the quarters I was initially assigned there are basic guest rooms with bland decoration and whatever you would need. It's probably the best solution for everyone."  
  
Natasha interrupted her "No. It's a really kind gesture. I have-- Clint has never had a nest so I can't predict how he will react but I think it's worth a try."  
  
Darcy asked her disbelieved "You think so?"  
  
She looked so cute and hopeful; Natasha gave more anecdotes to make the petite woman smile. "Yes. Clint loves to make himself at home in places he likes. His apartment, Phil's flat, his office, some secured rooms. He collects all of these weird things. They are truly horrible. Phil took him several times to the doctor to check if he wasn't colorblind or something. But no. He just has terrible taste. He said they have sentimental value. I don't know if he does it to feel like he belongs somewhere or if it’s to test the people who loved him and what compromises they are willing to make for him. I am sure he will love the nest you built for him."  
  
"Not for him. For the three of us. I couldn't imagine taking care of Clint like you asked me to without including you in every step," replied Darcy.  
  
Natasha didn't know what to say so she said nothing. She couldn't figure out how Darcy worked, it was a bit terrifying. Natasha however already knew how well she reacted to surprises. Just like all spies, really badly.  
  
Natasha tried to imagine how the nest was to prepare herself. She was entirely focused on her new mission. Jarvis had said it was on the lab's levels. It was understandable with Darcy's attachment to Dr. Foster. Maybe she was even trying to court the brilliant omega. It would cause future problems with the Asgardian god but that was not her problem. If it were her new handler's desire, Jane Foster would be hers. Besides Clint has always been great with pups. He would be overjoyed.  
  
Natasha thought of all the advantages that having her and Clint as gammas would be for Darcy's chance at rivaling a god. Nest protection would be the first problem. Darcy, being a civilian, hadn't thought of the problem of building a nest in a semi public level where explosions were common. It would probably be a difficult place to defend. Maybe Clint would never feel totally safe there. She would try to take most of the duties to reassure him. She could function with three hours of sleep per day for months.  
  
On another side Darcy had chosen a place near Dr. Foster's work. Natasha guessed that Darcy would allow Jane Foster to continue working on her stars. A thing that was not as common as you would think in these beautiful progressive times. It was a point in Darcy’s favor.  
  
Natasha was trying to create a picture in her mind of the construction plans of the Stark Tower laboratories level that she had memorized. But suddenly the plans seemed wrong. Something was missing in the plans in Natasha's photographic memory. She was missing something and she didn't know why. She was about to panic when the elevator stopped at their level.  
  
Darcy walked confidently towards the closest wall and the wall opened.  
  
The wall opened.  
  
Clint applauded like a child at a magic show.  
  
Secret private quarters. God bless Stark and his paranoia.  
  
Tony had worked really hard to make the secure room hidden if you didn't know of it existence. He had designed everything on paper, no electronic traces. Jarvis had been forbidden to take video of the whole structure. Tony didn't want his gift for Bruce to become an ultra secure prison in the bad guys' hands.  
  
Darcy was a talented hacker, nothing like Natasha but skilled enough. When she had asked Jarvis for the most secured place and the AI had told her he was unable to answer, instead of violating his barrier, she had used diplomacy. Darcy was a PoliSci major; she will always prefer negotiation rather than destroying something someone had lovingly spent hours to create. Jarvis respected that and had a soft spot for her. He hadn’t really told her about the room but gave enough hints for her to figure it out. That's how she met Stark, the rest was history.  
  
Tony had wanted the room to be easily accessible. You would never know when an accident would happen so the Hulkproof room was near the main elevator. On the lab's levels because no scientist of his could spent less than 72% of their time in the lab without Stark feeling insulted in his capacity to create welcoming futuristic science place. Tony had even asked his aunt, tactical war genius, what she thought of his design. She had gave him precious tips and had spent the rest of the time beaming at the idea of her favourite child letting people into his heart again.  
  
Consequently the nest Darcy had made was perfectly placed. Accessible, with different emergency exits and more hidden than a Bond's villain’s secret lab of evil. A jewel of security Fury could only dream of.  
  
"I know, the secret entrance is a bit dramatic but this place is the best kept secret in the world. Its security had been approved by Aunt Peggy. I don't who that is but a woman who can inspire that much admiration in Fury's eye is good in my books. It was originally designed to be a room able to contain and protect the Hulk. I traded for it with Stark because I thought you guys would appreciate this level of intimacy and security." Darcy said like it was nothing. The energy she put to look like she didn't care was almost equal to the energy she deployed to build the whole nest.  
  
"Safe," declared Clint. He took Natasha's hand and pulled her with him near the entrance.  
  
"Yes, Clint. It's our new safe place," approved Natasha.  
  
"I kept all the specification of this place inside. I supposed you needed to approve it yourself before feeling at ease there. You are welcome to point out any flaws you see in the nest’s security. I want you to feel as secured here as I feel with you by my side," said Darcy.  
  
She tried to reassure the spies saying that they could work on the security of the nest if they wanted to but that it was not mandatory. It was difficult to communicate with assassins who had trust issues bigger than Nick Fury's. And the bloody pirate had trust issues that had their own trust issues. Except for few miscommunications between them, Darcy thought she was giving an honest performance. Only time could help dissolve the tension she saw in the rigidity of Natasha's neck.  
  
"Let me give you a tour of your new home," said Darcy.  
  
Clint repeated "Home!" happily bouncing behind her. Natasha squeezed his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have two minutes, take time to give me feedback on this story :) It will make my day.


	7. Darcy's nest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone. A special thought of every one who left a kudo, subscribed or bookmarked this, you made me smile. Every comment left made my day. Thanks for your amazing support, you are the reason i write.
> 
> Thanks to my beta whose constant support brighten my author's life.

Nests were small places. Some pseudoscience pop psychology magazines said it was from a Freudian desire to come back in your omega mother's womb. No matter that not everyone came from an omega's womb.

Sadly, Dr. Freud who was the first to study psychology was one of those stupid alphas, centered on their knot, that couldn't imagine anything outside of the holy alpha-omega link. Not that the man had ever had any consensual relationship with an omega (or sane or safe for that matter). If actual scientists wouldn't dare to pronounce his name in conferences, his ideology was still very present in the public’s opinion.

At first, people thought that only an alpha-omega sexual relationship in a bonded pack could give birth to a litter of pups. Actually bonding just increased the chance as their heats and ruts synchronized. As far as the parent's gender was concerned, alpha-omega was the most prolific duo but not the only pair that could create life.

Alpha virility was praised and no one envisioned that gamma and beta males could father children. Before DNA tests were done, no one knew who fathered the child and because gamma’s and beta's sexualities were dismissed, people just thought the biological father was the alpha of the pack.

It was a bit easier for gamma and beta women, who could carry children, as no one could deny their pregnancy. But the discrimination that non-omega mothers faced were similar to the ones non-alpha fathers suffered from. Omegas were just the most likely to give birth and pregnancy was much easier for them.

Even if alpha-omega sexual relationships gave birth to more than 85% of the children, it was sexist to dismiss that other relations can conceive children.

That's why it was stupid (and sexist!) to say the nest reminded people of their time in their omega's womb.

Whatever the reason was, it was true that people found comfort in these narrow spaces. It was instinctive. Psychiatrists had long ago stopped to trying to explain instinct and preferred to research on how to work with it.

In these small nests, the scent of the family was omnipresent even if the members couldn't put a toe inside the nest for weeks. It was designed to keep the pack's atmosphere and memory.

Its first purpose is that it’s a place to take care of the litter. Consequently, the place should be as secure as possible. Floors and walls were covered in blankets and pillows. Round shapes were favoured.

Darcy's nest was a circle. You could always see everything from anywhere in the room. She wanted her gamma friends to feel in control of the situation. To be able to locate each of them at any moment. With Clint's current state of mind, it was probably for the best. He wouldn't have panic attack if he could always see one of them.

Darcy also took the need for privacy into account. They basically didn't know each other. Had never cohabitated together. Besides spies were not especially known for their love of communal living.

That's why Darcy had built it a bit larger than a traditional nest. It could have contained a pack of a dozen members. But once again, the three of them were not a pack and would never be. Firstly because the gammas had bonded to Coulson and secondly because Darcy's biology wouldn't let her create a pack. Not that anyone was aware of that part.

Darcy had been thrilled to discover that Stark had installed a second door to the Hulkproof room. This one opened on a tiny apartment with a bathroom, a furnished kitchen, and a bedroom. The containment room was the only way to access it. Tony, the closeted mother hen that he was, had thought Bruce might need some alone time after having Hulked out. He could take care of his humans needs and calm himself before having to face the world again. It was very thoughtful of Tony and it didn't match with the single player persona the media preferred when talking about Stark.

Darcy's nest was the principal room. The room she hoped they would spend most of their time in. However they could feed themselves and take care of their basic hygiene needs outside of the nest without having to confront the threatening exterior. Which was an immense advantage seeing Clint's acute distress.

Darcy had installed different filmy curtains in the nest. They created small personal spaces where she had installed reading zones, comfy sofas and a coffee table. The chambers respected their occupant’s privacy but you could still see their distinct shadows projected on the curtains.

The ceiling was made of a dark velvet curtain. Darcy had positioned little LEDs on the soft fabric that recreated New Mexico's night sky.

She got the exact map from Jane. The astrophysicist would probably have something to say about some of the placements but Darcy was quite proud of her work.

Darcy still had night terrors from her difficult childhood. She was reassured when she didn’t have to sleep in a totally dark room. With her shitty vision, she also felt safer with a light on. The galaxy above her head was a good compromise that guarantee she would never be in the dark. It was also easier to pass for a responsible adult without a night light besides her bed.

Building a night sky in her nest was really soothing. The constellations didn't make all of her nightmares disappear, but once awake it was easier to calm herself. And when she couldn't get back to sleep, she would just look at the sky and remember the endless nights in the desert with Jane talking about everything while looking at the amazing stars. Besides the pragmatic purpose of the ceiling, it also was very beautiful to look at in the sunlight. It gave a little magical touch to her nest.

To add to the ambiance, she had suspended figures of birds, insects, and fairies. The figures were made in soft colourful fabric and moved slowly in response to touch or in the soothing breeze created by the air conditioning.

The delicately balanced moving structures were something similar to Calder's mobiles. Maybe more inspired by nature than the abstract forms the sculptor was known for. Or what Darcy remembered from her art courses. Yes she ALSO had an art history minor. Darcy was naturally curious and loved to understand human behaviour. She couldn't narrow her interest into only one area. Well she already restricted herself in soft science; that has to count for something, right? Darcy Lewis was indeed crap at maths and hard core sciences.

If she remembered correctly, Calder's work should have been known in Steve's day. She should ask him some time. Lost with a bunch of mad scientists as he was, he would probably be happy to talk about frivolous art stuff with her.

Darcy went back to looking at her favourite gammas, as they discovered the place where they would spend the next week with amazement. Natasha and Clint were looking everywhere. Never letting their gaze linger for more than a millisecond.

The place was open and welcoming. Darcy had loving worked on the floor; she hadn't bothered to put a lot of furniture. Why would you want an uncomfortable rigid chair when you could be enrolled in a fluffy self-heating blanket with sushi doodles?

The only furniture was an impressive tilted shelf churning around the walls with five or six levels. The spiral shelf made every object tilt. It was messy, it was beautiful. There wasn’t any apparent pattern in the way objects were placed.

An exotic music instrument was against a pile of culinary books for dummies. An old Bucky Bear was surrounded by jars full of glitter. Mobydick, Darcy's gold fish, was looking at his new flatmates. A purple taser was settled in among a jewel collection. Star Wars original trilogy was stacked with a bunch of serious books on gender stereotypes. The phantom menace was lost under a massive collection of classic theatre masks. Attack of the clone was resting with eight different editions of pride and prejudice. And the last DVD was nowhere to be seen. Nerdy figurines of wonder woman were hiding in a cactus forest.

Darcy had also kept roses from every theatre play she participated in. You might think from the way the flowers were dispersed across the room that Darcy was neglectful with the ornaments. But some flowers actually came from bouquets that were older than a decade. Darcy treated them as her greatest treasure.

The rose perfume was subtle and not as invasive as you would have thought. It was mixed with fresh coffee smell, old books perfume, and stories exchanged around the fireplace. It smelled like your grandma's loft, full of mystery, and stories where the omega princess and the dragon left their lonely tower and discovered the world together.

Or that’s what Natasha and Clint imagined this mystical place to smell like. Neither of them had had any kind of family before they met each other.

Darcy's place was like a firework. Each trinket was a sparkle in the night sky. Sure every object was interesting in itself but it was the picture they created together in the sky that was breathtaking. Darcy had juxtaposed, with a young flippancy, objects that you wouldn't dare to imagine together. But somehow it worked. Every trinket was complementing its neighbor and you would discover the object you thought you knew in a whole new light.

You could be disoriented by the incredible amount of stuff nestled in the shelves. But if you looked a little closer, really looked, you could see a lot of empty spaces. Picture frames without pictures. Bookends with missing books. A puppy plush toy alone on the upper level. A long part of a wall only decorated by a string of lights spiraling around the woody furniture. Something was missing.

Or someone was waiting.

All the purple trinkets were not lost on Natasha's attentive gaze. She only knew two people on earth that loved this shade of purple that much. Her smile softened at the attention. She started to feel a strange twist in her stomach seeing that Darcy hadn't included her favourite colour in the decorations. Not that it mattered. Not like Natasha had something as silly as a favourite colour.

Then she saw the DVDs of Russian ballets unopened near the fish aquarium. The brand of tea she used to drink with Pepper was here too. Among the classic English literature books Natasha caught a few names that were actually written in Cyrillic. Things she hadn't seen immediately. Natasha released the breath she didn't know she was holding.

It was incredibly chaotic but homey and peaceful. Not that any spy would have thought they would need peaceful and chaotic in the same sentence.

Afraid of silence, Darcy had talked the whole time and she finished her speech out of breath. "-- a furnished little kitchen and a bathroom behind this door. I hope we won’t use the spare room that much because I would prefer if we live all together in the nest for some time. But it's perfectly ok if anyone needs alone time there. Or two of us. Perfectly ok. I just hope you like the nest. You like it, right?"

Clint, unable to talk, threw himself into Darcy's arms. He hadn't had so much magic in his life since Phil had decided to improve Clint’s reading skills by reading him the Harry Potter series every night. Maybe this was what the young orphan felt when he saw the magnificent castle over the lake for the first time. Clint definitely felt like a young orphan discovering magic’s existence.

He nestled in Darcy's embrace. He crooked his head to smell the comforting scent of his alpha. His alpha... His alpha?

Clint suddenly extracted himself from Darcy's arms and started to frantically smell the place. Something was wrong, so wrong. He emitted little distressed sounds like a young pup would alert his parents.

Natasha and Darcy immediately started to smell the air to find what had brought this sudden change in Clint's attitude.

Natasha was surprised because the whole atmosphere was really comforting to her. The room itself smelled good but it was subtle enough not to hurt their delicate noses. The air had different layers of phantom pheromones that Darcy had emitted while building the nest. Natasha didn't know if the woman had been that happy to construct this little heaven for them, or if she had so much control over her body that she managed to only project the pheromones she wanted to emit. Natasha didn't know which perspective was the scariest.

Probably the one where Darcy cared for them though.

Someone would never smell the same from one day to another. It would depend on how you felt, what you ate, how you slept. Thousands of factors influenced someone's scent and yet the human brain was always able to associate a whole new scent to the right person. The beautiful incomprehensible mechanic that was the human brain.

The nest smelled like Darcy. Darcy lacking sleep. Darcy content with herself. Nightmares. A surprising amount of nightmare. Darcy worrying about her friends. Anxiety replaced by something stronger, deeper. A strong feeling of family and belonging was always there. Love. Affection. Friendship. The nest smelled like hope.

The smell was soothing. It reminded Natasha a bit of Phil's own smell. It was strange that both the alphas that counted in her life (Positively influenced her life) had so similar a smell. If Phil hadn't had such a lack of interest in woman and in omegas, she would have wondered if they were not related. But she had felt that rejection first hand, Phil was definitely and totally gay.

While Natasha was lost in her thoughts on Darcy's appealing smell, Clint yelped.

"Phil!" The gamma suddenly cried. He went directly to the door where Darcy had indicated the other rooms.

When he opened the door, Natasha finally got what had alarmed Clint. This faint scent was not Darcy's. Neither was it their pack affiliation scent. This was... This was Phil's scent.

Natasha only had the time to see Darcy's face torn by guilt before the two of them rushed towards the spare room, following Clint's frantic sobs.

Clint was holding a carton he found hidden under the bunk bed. The carton was carefully closed with duct tape. The characteristic smell of their alpha came from the box. On the tape, in Darcy's cursive writing was: P. J. Coulson.

Darcy fell to her knees. She slowly approached Clint but didn't dare to touch him. She tried to catch his gaze but it was stuck on the box he was holding against his chest. Darcy didn't need to look behind to know the burning feeling on her neck came from the other spy’s death glare.

"I collected the personal items Agent Coulson left in the tower over the years. Stark and Pepper gave me most of them. I know it’s tradition for Agents fallen in combat to have their place sanitized and all their belongings burned. Security protocols they said. I thought having a part of him could help you to mourn. Obviously I wanted to wait for you to feel better before showing you the box. But it was crazy to think that, all the roses in the world couldn’t prevent you from detecting it seconds after your arrival," explained Darcy. She looked sad and a bit angry with herself.

Clint cautiously opened the box. Phil's scent filled the room. At the top of the box, Darcy had added Coulson's tainted cards. Darcy had wondered if she should keep them. They carried Coulson's blood and proof of his defeat against the megalomaniac god. On another hand Coulson's scent was impregnated in the cards. Darcy thought that it wasn’t her decision to make.

"How did they get here?" Asked Natasha, just as shocked as Clint was to see Phil's precious possession.

"I got them from Steve. Fury gave them to him after his murder. I asked him to return them to their rightful owners," explained Darcy.

Natasha cursed something like "sick old bastard" and other words, probably in Russian, the alpha couldn't decipher. Darcy understood that Fury had had another purpose than assembling the Avengers when he gave the cards to Steve. After all, an angsty speech could have worked just the same.

Natasha's face closed like she had slammed a door. She asked in a controlled tone. "What do you want us to do with it?" She had pronounced 'it' in a detached tone that sickened Darcy.

Clint was curled in on himself on the floor and was softly crying over Phil's death, his mind finally acknowledging it.

"Whatever you want," answered Darcy. When she saw Natasha's crooked eyebrows she added. "I want you to feel at home here. I know Phil Coulson was your only family besides each other. I don't want to take that away. He mattered to you and always will. I’m not jealous or anything. That's seems like a stupid idea anyway." 

"He is a rival alpha," countered Natasha.

"No he is not. He is an integral part of your lives. You can add your own things to the nest. If adding some of his stuff there helps remind you that he will always be at your side, that you won't erase him from your life, so be it," declared Darcy.

Except from a few sobs from Clint, the spies remained silent.

"You can also choose that it's too early or that you don't want a constant reminder of your grief in your safe place. I won't judge. It's your choice," said Darcy. She thought keeping Phil's old stuff would help them, but maybe she misread the situation. Everyone mourned their dead differently. She didn't want to push them to keep these morbid keepsakes

"No!" interrupted Clint "I want it. Let put them in the nest."

He hadn't spoken that much since SHIELD. Neither woman dared to contradict him. Clint claiming something for himself, voicing his opinion was a good sign.

Clint stood and brought to box to the nest. He, Natasha, and Darcy silently installed Phil's trinkets on the shelves. Every possession found its place naturally on the shelves, like it had always been there. Darcy and Clint cried the whole time and their checks were raw with salt. Natasha's eyes were dry.

After they emptied the box, Clint looked at the small cardboard box.

"That's it. Phil is gone," stated Clint, he didn’t have any more tears to cry. He took both women by their hands and pulled them towards him.

They hugged each other for a long time. Somehow they found themselves lying on the comfy floor, resting against each other. Like friend grieving silently their missing piece. Like the pack they were not.

They fell asleep curled against each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Darcy's nest ? was really worried to write it and to bored you with 3k words of Hogwarts description. But I am proud of this chapter. How did you found it ?
> 
> Sorry for all the feeeeelings. It was supposed to be happy fluff but you can't always write what you want. A story has its own needs.


	8. Woman of wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the amazing enthusiast feedback you give me. You are the best !
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: consent issues  
> A detailed explanation of the trigger warning is in the end note

Darcy was warm. Darcy was comfortable. She was having a very pleasant dream. Her fictional dedicated lover was kissing her neck. Their hands were massaging her scalp just how she liked it.

The good thing with a fantasy lover was they always know what she liked. There were no awkward first times, the stupid positions, and elbows in your stomach. The unconscious need to outshine your partner's expectations. Having to rival previous partners who already had time to discover your soft spots. To be perfect the first time. The best they ever had. Finding your own pleasure without looking too needy but reassuring your partner that they fulfilled your desires. Even if it was false. Unlearn practiced gestures and find new common interests. Guide your new lover by the hand to show them how you like it without hurting their feelings. You don't like this caress like my previous partner used to. No no, too much! On your left, dummy.

Fantasy lover was just for her. No pressure as they were her frustrated mind’s creation. They were just what she craved for.

Her lover was now slowly undoing her pants. Kissing with devotion every bit of the discovered skin. Her lover was kissing her lips to catch the moan she released. Wait. Wasn't her partner between her hips? She frowned in her dream. Her lover reassured her with a shushing sound and a hand caressing her check. It was a dream anyway; her fictional partner was not constrained by something as stupid as the laws of physics. They could be where she needed them.

Two other hands grasped her thighs and massaged them with their thumbs just how she liked it. Definitely two lovers.

A part of Darcy’s sleeping mind was trying to alert her. But the part that just wanted to let the dream continue was stronger. Come on, let it go, little girl. No need to be strong. Just stay here, you are cared for. Your lovers are here to look after your every need. But the voice in Darcy's mind was screaming louder. You are not this person. You are not the helpless omega they wanted you to be. You became yourself, the doting self-rescuing alpha you dreamt of. Wake up, Darcy. You are Darcy Lewis. Something is not right. Come on. Darcy!

Darcy woke up in a blink. And noticed the very present body of Clint undulating against her. She saw Natasha's predatory Cheshire smile between her naked legs. The sexual pheromones they were both emitting. A scent claiming: I need you. I want you. You are everything I always dreamt of.

Darcy screamed. She escaped their embraces in uncoordinated gestures. She crawled to the wall of the nest to escape them. But she was locked in here. No escape. She pressed her back against the wall, putting every inch it was physically possible to put in between her and her aggressors. She covered her half naked body with a blanket that was lying there. She was a bit reassured to see she still had her underwear on.

Natasha and Clint were shocked. Darcy I-Tased-A-God Lewis was terrified. Loud, brilliant, fierce, Darcy was shaking like a child. Not a murmur escaped her lips after the initial scream. Her respiration was erratic. Her chest rose and fell with panic but she was totally silent. The alpha that impressed every SHIELD agent who saw her at Clint's rescue with her puissant alpha smell was now blank. Her scent had basically disappeared. It was frightening. It was so wrong. The strong woman was trying to hide every fiber of her being. God, what have they done?

Clint instinctively tried to comfort her, sending gamma pack pheromone. Reminding her that they were friends. They were family. They were pack. But the pack scent made Darcy even more agitated.

They didn’t dare move. Afraid they were making things worst for the alpha woman who was clearly suffering from PTSD.

Suddenly a forceful wave of alpha scent claiming and protective pheromones blasted the room. Alpha anger like they had never felt. GO AWAY. Don't you dare touch what is mine or fear the consequences.

This powerful message was in total dissonance with Darcy's unassuming body language. Like two different people were trying to protect Darcy, pulling the strings of the mindless body of the alpha. Like Darcy herself was broken in multiple pieces. Unable to know which voice she had to follow.

Slowly, the unfocused gaze of Darcy became more and more present. She started to focus on the elements of the nest, finally understanding where she was. She sighed loudly. She pressed her hands to her face, unable to hold the gammas' gazes. She took deep breaths, hidden in her fetal position. She tried to dissipate what still remained of her sudden terror.

She released a loud "Fuck my life!" just like the old Darcy did after facing death by killer robots. She brushed sweaty strands of hair out of her face. She jumped up and said in a flat voice "I am going to shower. Then we need to talk about limits and consent," before disappearing in a blink.

Natasha and Clint didn't know how much time she spent in the bathroom but it was the longest minutes of their lives. Clint was sobbing in Natasha's arms. Smelling of fear and rejection. Natasha was also shaken. She was the lead of their duo. Always controlled. Always anticipating every need of their enemies to survive. Deciphering them and acting out the appropriate response. How could she have been so wrong about Darcy?

She had searched hidden motivations behind the alpha's every move. She knew the attachment and attraction that existed between Clint and Darcy. Natasha was also very aware of her own skills for seduction; she wouldn't be alive without them. Natasha had also found a lot of interesting tumblr posts from Darcy. She knew the alpha woman was sexually attracted to the both of them. She had thought bringing sexual satisfaction early to the alpha she wanted for Clint would secure their pack. That sex would reassure the alpha that the gammas were hers and only hers.

Besides Clint was a bit insecure in this domain and needed constant reassurance. He needed to think he was sexually desired before imagining he was desired for himself. When Clint had been an unbound member of the circus pack, his sexuality has been dismissed. He had to work hard for the pack without having anything for himself. He had learned the hard way that his sexuality was deviant, filthy. He had learned to accept himself at the same time he accepted his sexuality.

Natasha feared that this event would set Clint's self-confidence back by years. That Phil was the exception rather than the norm. That gammas' desires were something to be ashamed of.

But for the first time, Natasha wasn’t only worried about the consequences her actions had on Clint. She was worried about Darcy.

The charming alpha woman had obviously been abused. As much as gamma and beta sexual natures were hidden secrets that shouldn't leave the nest, alpha-omega sex was the endgame. The society highly sexualized both genders in two very different oppressive ways. Alphas were the textbooks' case of toxic masculinity while omegas were objectified.

No one dared to talk about abused alphas. An alpha couldn't be victim of abuse. Alphas were strong, powerful, in control. They always craved sex. Demanded sex from other genders. How could an alpha have been abused?

Natasha felt ashamed to admit she had been wrong. Darcy had never shown sexual interest in them because she didn't want it, not because she hid it better than anyone else. She feared it. That's why her alpha persona was so weird. Controlling her alpha scent was necessary. You wouldn't consider a weak alpha for a partner. With her unassuming persona, the alpha woman was safe because nobody would look at her twice. She wasn't an abusive controlling asshole; she had been victim of them.

So many things started to make sense about Darcy Lewis. Her interest in gender roles, her activism in pack equality. How her every move was controlled. Why she was nest building. She was afraid. She needed reassurance. She had been so dedicated to save Clint because she recognized herself in him. Not because she wanted to gain control over the two powerful assassins they were.

What a shitty spy she was. Her vision of the world was so perverted that she couldn't distinguish abusers from victims anymore. The violent anger that the woman was repressing so hard was not a hint of her real bully persona; it was her mind screaming for justice.

Natasha tried to put aside her self-hate. Forget her own feelings, the lump in her throat, her gooseflesh. She had a mission. She had to protect her only mate. She would taint her hands with innocent blood for it. She had no morals, she was no Clint. Nothing remained of her humanity. The Red Room had taken care of that. A perfect tool without emotions made to obey, fight, and protect. Working for SHIELD during the last years had softened her heart. She had thought she was allowed to be someone. A person. Someone doing something right. She had liked that. But it messed her up. She had misread Darcy and this error could cost her her mate. An error the Red Room's little puppet would never have made.

She tried her best to focus on her mission. Clint was in distress. She considered escaping the nest with him. The nest wasn't locked. She woke up during the night and had discovered the alpha had given them all administrator access for the nest’s security.

Darcy's shower ended. 

They would be out of her reach. But abandoning Darcy meant forgetting Clint's only chance of recovering. Loki had fucked with his mind so much than only an alpha could save him. His alpha. His very dead alpha. Then entered one Darcy Lewis, loyal and helpful, who was inclined to help him. To help them. And whose scent was confusingly close to their alpha’s. Who Clint had obeyed like he had followed Phil's command. A trusted alpha she betrayed by sexually assaulting her. Darcy would never forgive their mistake. She had helped them because she saw in them a protector and victim where now she would always see a reminder of her abuse. Her weakness.

What could you offer to a rape victim? Vengeance? Protection? Emotional support? Vengeance. Natasha could do vengeance. Natasha knew vengeance but a woman like Darcy Lewis could have pursued vengeance earlier if that was what she had wanted. Natasha couldn't see what she had to bargain with for Clint's protection.

Her only hope was to say that she commanded the operation. That she had pushed Clint to attach the alpha to him with desire. Which was just twisting the truth a bit. She had encouraged him, not forced him. He was already platonically caressing Darcy in her sleep when Natasha woke up; she hadn't had to work very hard to convince him. Moreover with his broken mind, he couldn't be considered responsible for his actions. He was just another victim of Natasha's wicked lust.

Darcy finally came back from her shower. She was back to her non-threatening alpha self. She was radiating calming pheromones. A scent the alpha often released in Natasha's opinion and she now started to understand why. She went to the shelves next the entrance and took a wonder woman action figure.

"Ok, guys. Incident is over. Stop crying. Explanation time," announced Darcy. She took a lost Clint by the armpit and positioned him within arms reach of Natasha. She sat herself at equal distance from all of them. The three of them forming a perfect triangle in the center of the nest.

"We need to talk and to listen to each other without interrupting each other. This doll is the talking figurine. If you have it, you are allowed to talk; if you don't, you listen. We will pass the doll to our left," started Darcy.

Natasha interrupted her "A talking figurine? Just like the conch in Lord of the Flies. That's your magical solution to our communication problems. Because the Lord of the Flies' pictured how well this technique will end."

"Lord of the Flies is about British hyper aggressive alpha boys. It's racist and sexist to apply the conclusion of that story to human kind. The book only says that white wealthy alpha boys raised with XX's British society were ultra violent and oppressive when abandoned to themselves. A talking stick is not a British creation either as it has been use as a successful tool of democracy by Native Americans for centuries. This is the reason a talking figurine is needed. We are defensive and always making the assumption we already know everything the other has to say," at this point Natasha had the decency to blush. "Instead of guessing and failing, we are going to talk in our own name. Each one can only talk about themself. Specifically, about their emotions. After someone has finished speaking we will thank them for sharing their feelings with us. The only other occasion where you can speak is to remind another participant about a rule. Got it?" Asked the alpha woman, easily taking the lead.

Natasha and Clint nodded.

"You will see, it's easy. I’ll start: This morning I was afraid because I am having night terrors. I once diagnosed myself with PTSD even if I never got a consult for it. Your acts reminded me of something very bad that happened to me and I had difficulty remembering what was real and what was not. My anger and my terror were towards my aggressors and for myself for letting it happen and letting it still control me. Now I feel guilty because I think I hurt you during my episode when I rejected you." Darcy took a deep breath and added. "OK. End of my turn. You have to thank me then it will be Clint's turn."

Neither of them dared to speak. Darcy frowned and moved her chin in an encouraging gesture. Natasha whispered, "Thanks for sharing" before Clint imitated her. Darcy gave the wonder woman figure to Clint. Darcy had put just enough alpha tone into her voice to help Clint speak for himself. Natasha knew the voice could also influence her but Darcy had made it fragile enough to be a suggestion. Natasha hadn't decided yet if she wanted to play by the rules.

Clint brought the doll closer to his chest. He brushed the hair of the toy as he spoke. "Clint... I... is happy. Nest is good... Happy. Clint... don't want to leave nest. Nest is happy. I ... afraid... have to leave. Finished!" said Clint. Throwing the doll at Natasha as he started to become anxious again.

The gamma immediately answered her mate. "Don't worry Clint, you won't have to leave."

Darcy touched both of their hands and said in a controlled tone. "You didn't follow the rules, Natasha. You don't have to answer what Clint said. You have to talk about your own feelings. Besides we didn't congratulated Clint for voicing his feelings." Darcy was using the same controlled tone all senior agents use with annoying newbies. They managed to make it clear they were bored by their insubordination but created this strong need to please the older agent. Natasha herself had played this game with newbies. But just because you knew the trick didn’t mean that you were immune to it. Darcy, smelling so much like her ex alpha, was making it even more effective.

Darcy praised Clint for his confessions and Clint just purred with happiness, having accomplished his alpha’s mission. He was good gamma. Good obedient gammas could stay. Nothing bad could happen if you were good. Natasha also congratulated him. Clint smiled so genuinely at her that she sighed.

"I want Clint to be happy," stated Natasha.

"Not a feeling," interrupted Darcy.

"I am protective of Clint," started again Natasha.

"Still not a feeling," repeated Darcy. There was no judgment in her voice. They were just statements.

"I don't want to leave Clint," this time Natasha stopped just after her first sentence and waited for Darcy's comment.

"Come on. It's easy. Start with I feel. I like. I fear. It makes me happy that. I am anxious. I love," enumerated Darcy.

"I love Clint," said Natasha. She waited but Darcy only nodded for her to continue. "I love Clint and he needs you. I won't be sad if he prefers you to me. He needs you and your nest. I think the nest is a good place for him. It smells like home and I think it is a secure place." Natasha had talked quickly. She didn't want to be interrupted. She didn't want to consciously disobey the alpha but this exercise was hard for her. She was a tactician. She could play at feeling, not invent feelings she didn't have. But she wanted Darcy to see the naked truth. What was important to her. What compromises and concession, she would accept. Clint's happiness was non negotiable.

Darcy smiled sadly at Natasha. She took the doll from her hands.

"You did well, Natasha. Thank you for your confidences and your efforts. We know how difficult it is for you." Clint added "Natasha... is good. You are ...good." It did things to Natasha’s heart.

"Ok. First turn is a success. Wonder Woman defeats miscommunication. Everyone did their best. Another turn. I am happy because both of you liked the nest I built. I love this place and I build it for you. You said you feel like home here so I consider it a success. So I am super thrilled and proud of myself."

She gave the figure to Clint. Both spies said thank you. But they were not thanking her for opening her heart this time.

Clint said " I... Clint... was sad because he thought he hurt Darcy. Hurt Darcy makes Clint sad. Bad gammas are punished. I was afraid. I want to be good. But Natasha and Darcy said it is not Clint... Not... my fault. I am happy because I am good. Good gammas are rewarded." Clint's elocution was far from perfect but at least he was back to how he was yesterday before sleeping. Maybe this incident won't leave as many wounds as they first thought.

"Good job, Clint. You are doing well. You are better and better at this game. I knew you would be good at it," Darcy said and it was so close to Phil's positive reinforcement that Natasha could picture Phil using the exact same words on a distressed Clint.

"I am... I am relieved. I am relieved because you didn’t punish us for taking initiative without your orders this morning. I am happy because you treat Clint well. Even if I am confused because I don't understand why you act like that. I can't understand you and it scares me." Natasha's words were far from fluid this time but she confessed her feelings like it was expected from her. She was not exactly aware of the step she took that morning but it was the first time she trusted someone in years. Since Phil and Clint. She was having a hard time formulating her thoughts and her sentences were similar to a child's. The truth beyond her words was as evident as the proverbial child's as well.

Natasha was surprised because she had zoned out for a few seconds. Darcy had probably thanked her and congratulated the super heroine for another victory. She was trying to install another 'game'.

"-- together. The rules are basically the same. But you say something you don't want from this relationship and something you do. Once the player has asked for these two things, they can pass Diana to their left partner. The two partners will say if they agree to the rules or can ask the player to be more precise about a rule. The player is not obligated to explain why they want a rule to be installed but they can if they think it could help their partners understand them. Once the two partners have agreed to the rules, another player can make their own rules. A rule can be refused if it is not safe, sane, or consensual."

The alpha took the time to repeat a few rules and gave basic examples of things that certainly weren't safe, sane, or consensual. She had the feeling that these two had backstory so traumatic they had forgotten how a relationship is supposed to work. Sure Clint and Natasha had a fundamental link and they worked well together because they just got each other without speaking but you didn't see links like that everyday. It was probably the strongest link she had ever seen. She didn't know how they managed their relationship with Phil because these two idiots were helpless at communication and tried to compensate by sacrificing themselves for the other.

"I’ll start. What I don't want. I don't want to have a sexual or romantic relationship with any of you right now. Let say for the next two weeks. We are all in emotionally complicated conditions. Starting anything now would be unhealthy or taking advantage of our current weakened state. If something happens I need it to happen in perfect conditions. No questionable start of the story. Besides, as you have seen this morning, I have my own issues with sexual intimacy. However I am not ready to share anything more about that just now."

Her tone was cold as she made it perfectly clear that what had happened this morning was not consensual. It’s a terrible mistake to assume anyone's consent. However she didn't have to voice it. Both were guilt-ridden.

She had asked them to finish by saying something they wanted for themself. To end on a positive note. Wishes were as important as limits. However, they all had insecurities bigger than Loki's daddy issues, so it was important to remember this was something they all wanted.

"What I DO want. I want us to be a family. I want us to care for each other. I want us to fight with each other for whose turn it is to do the laundry without having to fear the consequences. I want us to sleep in a cuddle pile. To be comfortable around each other. To do nothing but be happy because we are together,"

Her words were carefully chosen. Family was something they never had but always desired without daring to express it.

That's why, when they asked for clarification, no one asked what she meant by family. They immediately accepted her condition.

Clint needed precision on the no sex, no romance condition. He had always mixed it together. He asked what physical contact was ok and what wasn't. What about kisses? What about nakedness? Cuddles, caress, emotional support, open arousal? He asked in a quick precise succession of questions about the limits he was given. He didn't want to disappoint his alpha again. He would make her proud. Show her she was right to give him a third chance.

When it was Natasha's turn to ask questions, she accepted both of the points.

Clint didn't want to be punished for a rule he wasn't aware of. He would accept the worst if he failed but he never wanted to be kept in the dark. To put his worth into question because he didn't know what he failed at.

It was a heartbreaking request. Darcy wanted to promise him there wouldn't be any punishment at all because they won't have a hierarchy. She wanted to cuddle him. But she couldn't because it was against her own rules. She had to accept his wish, not comment it. Trapped by her own rules. When she formulated her promise to respect his limit, she tried to put the maximum intensity into her grant. She was radiating positive pheromones. OK, maybe she twisted her rules. But you would have done the same for this cute lost cinnamon roll. Don't you dare deny it. 

Clint's second wish was to revisit the no romance no sex condition once all of them felt like themselves again. He used very well formulated sentence to express his wish compared to his previous childish words. He was careful not to push against Darcy's first limit but he also made it clear that it was something he hoped to create between them.

Natasha said that no wish concerned her but she loved Clint and she would always be at his side.

Darcy accepted the wishes.

Finally, Natasha's turn came. She asked to not to have to kill a civilian if it could be avoided. Her wish had a lot of weak points you could use to make her kill a civilian anyway. It was a challenge she offered them. Her loyalty to the pack was granted but if they went against her will they would lose her respect.

Natasha waited a long time before choosing what she wanted for herself. Darcy had made it clear she couldn't make it about Clint.

"What I expected from this relationship. I want to discover, with your help, what my favourite colour is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Natasha and Clint assumed Darcy's consent and woke her up with kisses and caress in the clear attempt to have sex with her. Darcy is absolutely not OK with that and react to the unwanted sexual touchs with a anxiety attack.  
> They talk about it and everything end well but still.  
> Remember, friends, someone asleep can't consent.
> 
>  
> 
> Regular end note :  
> A chapter full of angsty feeling. I wish you have something/someone to hug at reach. This chapter reveals a bit more of Natasha personality. Darcy Lewis is as awesome and mysterious as always.  
> I wish you loved Diana's contribution to the chapter.  
> I would be overjoyed to hear more about your opinion on the chapter


	9. Communication is hard but they are working on it, ok ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is awesome.

After Natasha's heartbreaking request, Darcy asked who wanted to cook breakfast with her. Darcy's joy was a bit forced at first. So was Natasha's, as she was way too enthusiastic at the idea of food. Time soothed their initial awkwardness. They asked each other about their allergies (like mercenaries with allergies survived in the real world) and favourite foods (no Clint, food is not a specific enough answer). Darcy suggested pancakes and it was accepted easily.

Darcy cooked while Clint showed off some old tricks from the circus. He juggled a dozen eggs. He asked Natasha to participate and she agreed to throw knives at him. Darcy tried to act natural, like throwing knives at your best friend was a normal activity to release tension. Darcy mixed the batter by herself then the spies took the pans. They had an acrobatic flying pancakes contest. Darcy kept track of the points.

They spent a moment full of laughter and sweetness. When they came back to the nest with their breakfast they were more at ease than when they left it; and ate in a companionable silence.

Immediately after breakfast, Clint yawned. Natasha said him "You are safe now. You can sleep. We are watching over you." Clint curled into a fetal position against Darcy's leg and fell asleep a second later, like Natasha had said the magic words.

Darcy scratched his scalp fondly and Clint emitted a sound that was very close to purring.

After several minutes, she noticed that she was boxed in on the floor without a thing within reach to read. She looked at Natasha and asked her softly if she could get her a book from the shelves.

"No need to whisper. Clint is dead to the world when he sleeps with his alpha on watch. You should probably take out his hearing aids. They could hurt him," explained Natasha.

"I don't know how. Will you teach me?" Asked the young woman.

The spy was a dedicated teacher. Slowly showing what to do and constantly watching her pupil to be sure she understood what to do. Natasha added practical tips and funny stories to illustrate how sleeping with aids was not exactly life threatening but it was uncomfortable. Besides, having the aids out ensured good air circulation in the fragile ear canal. Darcy had never thought Natasha would be able to talk so much. She simply hadn't asked the right questions yet.

Darcy enjoyed this teaching time. It felt intimate. Learning from the most important woman in Clint's life how to take care of him. She felt validated by the spy. Even if Darcy didn't know that she needed Natasha's approval in her life until now.

To thank the gamma Darcy did the only thing she knew that would please her. "Would you like us to try to figure out this whole favourite colour thing?"

Something lit up in the spy's gaze that made Darcy definitely forget about her book on gender studies.

"I don't know where to start. Is there a protocol for this?" Confessed the redhead.

Darcy smiled sadly, "No protocol. It’s also my first time at helping someone to discover their favourite colour. We will improvise. What are the colours you wear the most? People tended to wear their favourite colour. My favourite knitted hat is purple. My favourite colour is a purple that is a bit darker than Hawkeye's."

Natasha answered automatically. "The color I wear the most is black for obvious tactical reasons. On missions with cover identities, I also wear red. In red and black I am a femme fatale, the embodiment of every alpha's fantasy."

"You are indeed lovely in those colours but you don't wear them because you want to please yourself, but because you wanted to attract someone else's attention. What do you personally think of wearing red or black?" Asked Darcy.

"I don't mind,” answered Natasha a bit defensively. Darcy sighed. They could still improve their communication skills.

"I am not here to judge you. I won't be offended because you despise a colour I love. Just say what you associated with the color. I like wearing red lipstick because it makes me feel confident and powerful. Like I am in charge of my own sexuality. I don't mind black even it’s not my favourite colour. Too difficult to keep clean and perfect."

"Black and red makes me look sexy. I don't specifically want to feel sexually appealing. The colours remind me of the Red R... The place I was raised. All the girls wore fitted black uniforms. We lived in an old dusty place. Girls who had dust on their uniforms at the end of the day were punished. Our guardians encouraged us to fight with each other and mark the loser with dust. They said it would help us to be constantly aware of our bodies." Said Natasha.

"Wow. Rude. And here I thought psychiatrists had the worst ideas regarding child education... I was wrong. And that’s coming from someone who read the thesis of a guy who suggested to speak to a child exclusively in ‘Pikachu speak’ to see if the child would develop Pokémon like behaviour," commented Darcy.

Natasha smiled at her tentative effort to release tension. As an after thought, Darcy was surprised that Natasha Badass Romanov knew what Pokémon was, but it was only logical. With undercover missions, spies had to pass for regular people with up to date cultural references. Darcy wondered if SHIELD had an Internet meme class (they did).

"Back to the point. Red and black are a no go. What do you wear when you are not wearing work outfits?" Darcy waited some time before answering her own question "You don't wear civilian clothes at all, do you?"

"In my defense Phil doesn't… Phil didn't possessed anything that is not a suit either," said Natasha. She grimaced when she referred to Phil in the present tense. Darcy didn't comment.

"That is not a valid argument. By Thor's awesome mother, even Jane pays attention to how she looks twice a year." Darcy sighed dramatically.

"I pay attention to--" started the spy.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. You are always drop dead gorgeous, but I’m not sure you are doing it for yourself. No woman wakes up at dawn to do her make-up just for herself. Yeah. Contrary to Clint, and males in general, I can see you are wearing false eyelashes and makeup." Remarked Darcy.

"Actually Clint is a very talented makeup artist. However I didn't expected you to catch that my skin was powdered. Would you prefer me without it?" The spy was on the verge of putting her face in the sink to wash off her makeup.

"No. Yes. I don't know. It is not my choice to make. You decide. Did Phil force you to wear makeup all the time?" Asked Darcy before considering how intrusive her question was. Natasha's gaze darkened.

"New handler, new rules. I don't presume anything if I want to stay alive." Which basically meant, in Natasha speak, 'fuck off'.

Darcy strategically backed up. She asked the spy to bring her the book on historically accurate Shakespearean costumes. Darcy was fond of Thudor fashion. She also had a soft spot for Victorian costumes but nothing could beat herfirst Shakespearean love where omega could be brave alpha marry other alpha. She would have loved to visit the time. Well as a rich white alpha man obviously, but the dresses were fascinating.

Darcy pointed out her favourite dresses to Natasha. What every ribbon symbolized. The history and meaning of colors. Which costume was for which character. How some colour associations were revolutionary and how others were already classics. Darcy told stories like nobody’s business. She was sharing historical information and personal anecdotes freely. She knew she would have to reveal more of herself to the spy before she would open up again.

Darcy tried to guess which costumes were Natasha's favourites. The spy only gave her one-word comments on each picture. She was difficult to read but Darcy was up to the challenge. She savored and memorized each 'I like this one,' that Natasha delivered and Darcy knew she would add these moments to her best memories.

Darcy had never looked at the history of fashions for dancing but she promised herself she would in the upcoming weeks. Natasha would love it.

Clint slowly woke up while Darcy was talking about the colours most associated with Lady Macbeth and why every one was wrong because it was evident that Lady Macbeth was green from start but that actors couldn't wear green for obvious risk of death by poison. Because in the 1800s green dye was made from arsenic and with actors sweating and the heat from the candles the dye created a nasty toxin. Isn’t knowledge awesome?

Clint didn't try to read his alpha's lips. He knew he was safe. He didn't need the hearing aids that hurt his ears. He appreciated this precious time to let his ear canals breath freely. He took all the time he wanted to stretch like the cat he secretly was. A cat that was secretly a dog that was secretly a bird. But a cat when it came to hugs nonetheless.

At some point Natasha handed him his hearing aids. He was not ready to face reality but Darcy was looking at him too and he couldn't stand to disappoint his alpha. To disappoint another .... --No. Stop that! Natasha. Yes. Natasha was safe. Hearing aids. 

Darcy watched him carefully and waited for him to nod before speaking.

"I said yesterday that I want you to feel at home here. We already added Phil's stuff here but I’m making the wild assumption that you have stuff of your own." Clint nodded again. "The thing is, I don't want you to leave the nest just yet and, correct me if I am wrong, I don’t think you are ready to see one of us leave either." Darcy waited another moment. Clint brushed his nose against her neck, confirming her words.

"Is there anyone you trust enough to go to your apartment and gather your things? Depending on your relationship with this person, we can welcome them into the nest for tea later or we could meet in a separated office. Or if it is your desire, you can chose not see them so early in your recovery. Got the mission intel, soldier?" Darcy asked playfully like she used to when they were texting. "Yes, ma'am." She hated the too serious tone he automatically used to answer her. Like she was really ordering him around. Abusing her position of power.

She was surprised she didn’t already feel Natasha‘s cold knife of against her throat but the spy was only waiting for her to continue. A second chance? Unlikely.

"Do you have someone you trust enough for this?" Asked Darcy.

"Yes, Ma'am," Clint answered again, to Darcy's despair.

"Who is this wonderful person?" Tried Darcy not really believing it would work.

"Hawkeye." A glimpse of smile on his lips.

Darcy looked at Natasha for guidance.

"Don't worry; he hasn't fried what’s left of his brain with a nap. He just shares his codename with his bff." There was something hilarious about hearing the Widow say ‘best friend forever’ in an icy tone.

"I thought yours was Black Widow?" Darcy said trying to learn more about this mystery person.

"No! Natasha... Is. Is family," explained Clint by himself.

Darcy threw her cellphone to him (the latest Starkphone, a welcome gift from the megalomaniac genius to all of his employee). She said he was free to call this person and that that she will be in the kitchen, cooking grilled cheese for lunch, giving them privacy.

A few minutes later, Natasha joined her in the kitchen. The spy watched her with caution, like Darcy held the secrets of universe in her grilled cheese recipe. Darcy was a bit uncomfortable being under her intense gaze but she waited. Everyone needed to make concessions if they wanted this to work.

"What is your opinion on dogs?" Asked Natasha in a calculatedly casual tone that fooled no one.

"Is it a new codename for Clint?" Joked Darcy as she programmed the oven timer.

"No. What is your opinion on dogs? Like an actual lost Labrador that likes to be fed exclusively pizza." Natasha's tone was a bit annoyed but in Darcy's opinion it was a good annoyed.

"I thought my relationship with Thor was in my file. I am his lightening sister you know." Fuck Stark and his over complicated oven timer. She just wanted to cook lunch, not send a rocket to the moon.

"You are as stubborn as Clint when you want to play the child. Clint adopted a stupid ugly dog that once saved his life. Is Lucky welcome in the nest?" Definitely good annoyed if Natasha was comparing her to Clint.

"Jarvis, can you set the oven timer for fifteen minutes, please?" Tried Darcy, looking at the ceiling without really believing it would work.

"It would be my pleasure, Miss Lewis. However if I may, I think the cheese will reach an optimal grilled state in seventeen minutes," answered the disembodied voice.

"OK, let's go for an optimal lunch, Jar. Thanks buddy, you are a gift." Darcy turned to face Natasha " I don't mind dogs in the nest as long as it’s potty-trained. Especially if it would make Clint happy. However I think it’s a bad idea to keep it here as long as we are not able to walk the dog everyday. Can someone watch the dog until Clint is ready to go outside again?"

"It won't be a problem. If Clint is on walking duty, he will be ready to go out sooner. Maybe in a week. The dummy is always more dedicated to taking care of others than himself,” commented Natasha.

"What a stupid habit to have. I don't know where he got it from," sassed the alpha.

"I don't know. Probably those controversial video games he spends too much time on," deadpanned the spy.

Darcy's smile was brilliant, she was slowly discovering Natasha's dry humour.

Clint entered in the kitchen and hugged Natasha from behind. The spy's face didn't move but something changed in her eyes.

"Yeah. Probably video games. I bet he doesn't even respect the age limits," continued Darcy and this time a smile appeared on Natasha's beautiful lips.

Their afternoon was peaceful.

Darcy was quietly knitting in front of the TV, which was playing Robin Hood for the second time in a row when Jarvis informed them their visitor was in the elevator.

Traditionally speaking it was a Huge Deal to welcome someone in your nest. Some people (assholes) didn't even let their gamma partners into the nest; except eventually if they were bonded to the alpha. Inviting another alpha was described as ‘as unbelievable as women of color in fantasy’. Omegas were tolerated if they were courting a relationship with the alpha of the pack. Betas were allowed to come for diplomatic missions. A gamma from another pack was just science fiction.

Clint had been very stressed out explaining to Darcy that the friend he was inviting over was a gamma. Darcy said she didn't care and that just made Clint panic more because his alpha didn't understand, his friend was a Gamma. Natasha helped them by reminding Clint that Darcy Lewis had the same amount of regard for social norms as Peggy Carter. Darcy made a mental note to definitely meet this Peggy person, and thank the sky for giving Darcy Natasha because sometimes she was clueless when it came to understanding Clint.

Darcy felt so unthreatened by her guest that she let Clint opened the door while she finished her row. She was knitting earmuffs for Thor. He had asked her for something to cover his ears when he was on diplomatic missions to the ice giants' realm. She did really didn’t know what ice giants were but she got the idea: protect Jane's baby from the flu and you will get more Thor's backrubs.

She heard Clint emitting an exited puppy sound or maybe it was coming from his dog. She stood up and put her knitting back on the shelves, still keeping her back to the newcomers.

Taking Care of Your Gamma for Dummies had made a clear statement that it was crucial to show your gamma that you felt safe in their presence and that you trusted them to protect you. This was an easy win as she now had two of Midgard's mightiest heroes and they were all in the most protected nest in the world.

Something poked the back of her knees and she turned to find the fluffiest dog she has ever seen. She fell on the dog to cuddle him like Steve fell on Nazis.“What an adorable little puppy.” She heard a comment from Natasha saying that Pizzadog was ten years too old to be considered a puppy but Darcy replied that all dogs were puppies.Especially good boys like Pizzadog.

She finally stood up to greet her guest. She supposed she had put a sufficient show for ‘trusting your gamma 101’.

She identified Clint’s form as he melted into a bone-crushing hug with a petite dark haired woman. She took a long inhalation to catalogue the omega’s smell. An omega smell that totally didn't match with the woman's gamma posture. And this scent... She remembered this scent. It was. It was...

"Kate Bishop? What in the nest are you doing here?!"

A long forgotten voice answered, "Director Lewis?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't decide Natasha's favourite colour yet. Any idea ?
> 
> Why is Kate calling Darcy director?
> 
> Sorry it seems I am getting better at cliffhanger... don't worry I won't do it at every chapter. Speaking of chapter what did you think of this one ?
> 
> This story reached yesterday 200th kudos. You guys are the best.


	10. Two birds, one nest

Kate ran to Darcy and jumped into her arms. Darcy made her fly as they spun in the center of the nest. Pizzadog was happily bouncing around them. They laughed together in a way they hadn’t in years and fell to the floor. The fluffy mattress softened their fall and they didn't even seem to notice they were not standing anymore. Pizzadog took his chance at licking their faces and it only increased their laughs.

'Aawww, Lucky, no !' said Kate. Kate only called Pizzadog by his real name when he misbehaved.

Natasha and Clint's gamma’s instincts were on full protection mode at the women’s sudden movements but they didn't seemed to know which woman they wanted to protect from a threat. Potentially both.

Darcy put her hand through Kate's hair and messed up her perfect brushing with fondness. "Look at you, Terry, all grown up and everything. My perfect baby is a woman." 

"Come on, Darce. I am not this impressionable freshman anymore. I am fully aware you are only older by about seven months, madam President." Replied Kate, happy to hear her lost nickname. Terry short for Katherine and for Terry Kennedy, her first role in theatre.

"Sorry if it’s rude or anything to ask but I don't want to put my foot in my mouth later. You didn't present yourself as a gamma back in the day. I even remember teaching you how to pass for one in your first role..." Said Darcy like she was commenting on Kate's new hair color. Not that Kate has changed anything to her magnificent long and shiny hair she inherited from her Asian American parents.

"You haven’t changed at all, Lewis. I can't wait to bring you to crash one of my father's all alpha parties again. It’s goanna be awesome,” joked Kate thinking of her sexist father. Darcy had loved to play the Jewish teenager unaware of proper alpha behavior, and to rub their sexist (and anti-Semitic) bullshit back into the faces of biggest names in the Asian American community.

"I am always awesome, Terry. What about gender, pal. You’re a gamma now?" Asked Lewis. Natasha and Clint shivered because they knew how people usually reacted to Kate's gender. She was everything a gamma should be, except that she had been assigned omega at birth and her smell screamed omega to anyone within scenting distance.

"Yup. Definitely a gamma. You worked so hard during that year to put gamma behaviour into my thick head that it never left me. My father took me away from school after the play. I think he feared what none of us had seen coming. I was a gamma at heart. I transitioned three years later. I am not out in front of my father though, because poverty is not my cup of tea. I now have to impersonate an omega whenever I see people I have to fool." explained Kate.

"Wow. Good job, girl. You are rocking the acting thing if even your own father can't spot you out."

Darcy and Kate did their secret handshake and laughed again. Kate spoke a few words in Mandarin and Darcy replied in Yiddish like they used to do, at first they wanted to shock their teachers, then mainly because it was cool. They loved to say the most random words during the salute like ‘peanut butter’ or ‘cat’. Both women had made the choice to fully embrace their heritage but also to treat it with a young airiness that made the traditionalists purple in outrage.

Clint coughed to remind them of his presence. He looked a bit lost and alone, standing among all this stuff packed randomly in uniform sport bags. He knew the basic of both traditional Chinese and Yiddish. Natasha taught him first because she has always excelled at languages and spoke more than eight Chinese dialects, but the only Yiddish he knew was a few words that the fortune teller at the circus had taught him years ago. He was rusty in both but mainly confused at why Darcy greeted Kate with 'rotten squirrel' while Kate answered something about a yellow teapot.

The women smiled at Clint's puzzled face. "Oh yeah. How do you know Hawkeye, Terry?" Darcy asked casually.

"Sorry to out myself to you, but I am Hawkeye, Director." Deadpanned Kate.

"No way. I am Hawkeye, Hawkeye." Joked Clint. Natasha was thrilled, it was the first time she heard this old joke in ages and because it was the first time Clint had intentionally joked since his rescue.

"You are way to old to be the real Hawkeye, Hawkeye,” replied Kate.

"It's because I am old, baby bird, that I was the first Hawkeye," retorted Clint.

"Yup but I have known Darcy for longer, so as far as she is concerned I am the first Hawkeye." Kate smiled and Darcy finally connected the dots.

"Oh my god, Katherine, you are the elusive Hawkeye!" Darcy cried out.

Clint mumbled about it being the Amazing Hawkeye and Natasha brushed his hair like you would dispel a child’s pout.

"That's why no one spots your secret identity. It's because they all know Hawkeye is gamma and Kate Bishop is an omega. It's awesome!" Continued Darcy.

"Yes. Sometimes, being a transgender archer has its benefits," confessed Kate with a blink. She was living the funniest coming out of her life. Both as a superhero and as a transgender gamma. It was a wonderful experience. She silently wished that someday, this positive reaction would be the norm rather than the exception.

"By the way, how do you know male Hawk-brother?" Asked Kate.

"It's a long story involving a lot of pop tarts and me beating a god with his own element. Do you want tea? I am going to make tea. I am sure we have a ton of things to explain to each other. Red Tea for Natasha and black for the birdies, right?"

The four of them sat in the nest and shared the stories of their meetings, Clint's stuff forgotten for a while. Pizzadog was snoring on his master's leg.

Darcy and Kate told embarrassing stories about high school. They talked about the theatre group and the play Darcy directed. One of their actors abandoned them after the first few months, they organized a casting call and the only person who came was Kate Bishop, a new student and daughter of a strict billionaire. Since the beginning of school the girl had done her best to disappoint her father. The theatre nerds were not really welcoming but Darcy gave her a chance to prove that her interest in theatre was genuine.

Kate took the role of a gamma: Terry Kennedy, when Kate had been taught from birth how to take every breath like an omega lady. Kate and Darcy worked hard to prove everyone wrong. The play was a success, however a forgetful secretary invited Kate's father to the play. Something even more incredible, he CAME. He really, really, really, disliked seeing his beautiful fragile omega daughter acting like a brave and strong gamma. Kate was removed from school the same evening. His father hired a bunch of guards to guarantee that his precious heir would never cross the path of one of those deviant charlatans again.

Darcy was extremely shocked to lose her friend and to again come up against the to bigotry towards omegas. She decided to leave high school like a feminist icon, and spent two full years organizing her big Shakespeare's masquerade. A full cast of omegas playing alpha roles with no one spotting them out. Living proof that gender stereotypes were learned and could be fought. The school was scandalized but Darcy already had her diploma and Culver's acceptance letter.

Kate and Clint were laughing so much they were crying. Pizzadog barked, unhappy to be rudely interrupted from his tenth nap of the day. Natasha was smiling which was also something. Kate confided that even if she never could directly contact them, she managed to create a Terry Kennedy grant that helped theater companies fighting for gender equality.

Kate then explained how she joined an independent archery club for the next few school years. Her father's goons were far too attentive to her scholarly activities and had spies in all the theatre clubs. So Archery it was. She introduced herself as Terry Lewis, a young middle class gamma woman. That year gave her the most beautiful self-discovery of her life: archery and her true gender identity. She took the pseudonym of Hawkeye, something she found hilarious because Terry Lewis was already a pseudonym.

Kate had never talked much about her past before her transition. Clint was thrilled to learn more about his best friend.

It was a bit more complicated for the other two women.

Natasha because these discussions about trans identity took her back to the red room where they experimented on little gamma girls. Every now and then they were given strong poisons to mask their scent and taught to act like a beta. Every month the weakest girl was sent to the lab where they tried to make an omega or alpha out of them. They never succeeded but Natasha could still smell their wrong scents screaming: pain, confusion, and blood.

However, because Natasha knew she was in a safe place, she opened up a bit about the Red Room experiments. Natasha knew her gender assigned at birth was gamma. She recognized that she smelled like one too, even if it was unusually faint because the hormonal experiments had fucked up her teenage years. But Natasha had never felt like a gamma and no other gender felt right either. She was not sure what was her anymore and what was a creation of the Red Room.

The three of them listened quietly. When Natasha stopped speaking, Darcy asked: "Can I hug you?"

It was a question Natasha was never asked. She sputtered: "Yes... No! I don't know..."

Darcy sent a wave of calming hormones and replied. "It is OK. You are allowed to be unsure. I will just stay here and if at some point you change your mind, you are welcome to nest in my arms." Natasha nodded, unable to speak.

Clint emitted a distressed noise. Kate translated for him "Can we...?" and Darcy just opened her arms and two little birds went to nest against her flanks. Their heads resting on her thighs. Darcy passed her hands through their hair as they purred under her touch.

Maybe it was jealousy to not have his master's attention anymore, maybe the pet was way smarter than humans expected him to be but Lucky went and sat by Natasha's side, the closest he could be while not touching her. Natasha purposely ignored the pet for several long minutes. When she was reassured that no one was paying attention to her distress anymore, she moved a bit to pet the affectionate dog.

Darcy shared a bit with them about having to respect society’s attempts. How she hated the gender stereotypes and how she was uneasy when she was fitted into a box. How she wasn't sure if a thing was hers or if it was learned. How sometimes everything in her life seemed fake. She was clever with her words and didn’t use them to lie. She told the bare truth about her own insecurities without revealing her omega status. She would have loved to come out to them but now was not the time. Clint was still too fragile, Natasha too insecure. They needed her to be their alpha.

However this conversation about trans identity brought a new perspective to her. She still felt like an omega at heart. She WAS an omega, no matter how she hated society’s expectations behind it. She had adopted the alpha's traditional code and it felt right. She loved acting like an alpha because their allowed behaviors were much closer to what she wanted to be. She didn't mind passing for an alpha, obviously, but she didn't like it either.

Maybe having a supportive pack would help her to solve these issues. Lately, she had learned a lot of new vocabulary in her research to help Clint: gender fluid, bi gender, agender, fifth gender. For once she could be more than what life made of her. She could be someone. Someone with real words to explain her gender identity. To validate what was inside her and what she was trying to tame. Wasn't naming a scared wild animal the first step to taming them? 

They were on the verge of sleep when Kate's cell rang. A call from her father who wanted her to join him for a breakfast meeting in Beijing. She hung up immediately but the energy it took to deal with him definitely woke her up. She had to go back to her place. She kissed Darcy and Clint on their foreheads and waved to Natasha.

Pizzadog was reluctant to leave his comfortable spot against Natasha but when Kate promised to give him the old pizza in the freezer he followed her without a fight. Clint mumbled 'traitor, glutton' but he was smiling.

Kate asked if they wanted her to stay for the unpacking. With everything, they had all forgotten Kate's first reason for coming here. Darcy politely refuse and Kate accepted it easily. Nesting was a pack activity. Even if Darcy was not a very territorial alpha (what an euphemism), some things were still sacred. Nest's preparation was reserved for family, not family and friends. No matter how close she felt to Darcy, Clint or even Nat, she had yet to find her own pack.

When Kate left they became suddenly very self-conscious of the fact that Clint was tangled in Darcy's space while Natasha was rigidly sitting a few feet away. Darcy tried to speak even if she didn't know what to say when Natasha asked if she could sleep alone in the guest room for tonight. It broke Darcy's heart but she couldn't refuse the second request the woman had ever asked for herself.

Darcy didn't sleep well that night. Her head was full of thoughts and unanswered questions about her identity and what a mess her situation was: Two wonderful people trusting her to be their alpha. Two amazing spies with trust issues worst than her own who could reject her the second they learned the truth.

Darcy had promised herself not to grow too attached to the gammas before they knew the truth. How stupid she had been. She already loved both of them. Darcy caressed Clint's blond hair hoping that they’ll forgive her after Clint is able to be autonomous without an alpha at his side. Meeting Kate today made her hope. The spies were very accepting of her uncommon story, maybe they could accept someone as broken as Darcy into their complicated lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I was a bit stuck. I wish this chapter was worth the wait. 
> 
> Please take a second to leave your impressions 
> 
> Thanks for your constant support, you are amazing, guys.


	11. The last French Tendance

Natasha woke up at noon like usual. She immediately knew where she was, as she never let herself totally fall asleep. She did her ritual morning ballet practice to soothe her agitated mind. She didn't hear anything coming from the nest but that didn’t mean anything as all rooms were soundproofed. She walked slowly to the nest's entry to check on Clint's sleep. And maybe on Darcy. Mainly Clint though. 

She was surprised to see that neither of them were asleep but watching TV. Darcy looked at her like you would look at the Holy Grail (something that was difficult to look like when you were Jewish).

Natasha rapidly scanned the room to see Clint avidly watching the screen. He was holding Darcy's hand and happily bouncing. Natasha understood immediately. It was that time of the year.

"It's fashion week," whispered Natasha and Darcy emitted something that could be interpreted as a cry.

"It's the last day of fashion week in Paris and he wanted to be up for the first show! Do you have any idea how early this bird woke me up?" complained the brunette alpha.

Yes, Natasha had a good picture of what had happened. Clint was the spy with the most uncommon background in the world. He had made himself a name as make-up artist and was irremediably fond of French Haute Couture.

Yet he still enjoyed that awful shade of purple. Clint's was complex; he was at the same time way smarter than people gave him credit for and at the same time way more dumb. He had solid knowledge, taste even, when he needed to dress others but when he was concerned, he made the most random assortment of choices. Clint gathered all the things that mattered to him. What he connected to. This purple was from his first costume at the circus. It reminded him the first taste of liberty he got when he ran high on adrenaline after a difficult tour with his very first bow. No matter how ridiculous the shade was, Clint was unable to disconnect it from that feeling of freedom.

"Silence! Cyril-Antoine va presenter sa collection automne-hiver," said Clint in a perfect accent that would make Parisian’s envious.

The thing with Clint was that he always commented. Always in French. He also always wanted an audience. It didn’t matter if his audience knew nothing about fashion or French. Coulson, whose capacity to learn a new language rivaled Natasha's, learned French during their first fashion week together.

"Please. He won't let me go back to sleep. I want my vital 6 hours of sleep. He keeps talking in French. Please, do something," pleaded Darcy.

"He just wants company to watch the show. He used to watched it with Phil," the gamma slowly explained.

"Yeah, I figured when he went got scared when I tried to go back to sleep," said Darcy with a sigh. Sometimes Clint still had difficulties comprehending that she was not Phil or that Phil won't suddenly appear to follow the last trend in the mao collar with him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Natasha looked puzzled.

"You said you wanted to be alone for the night. I would have pushed if he had been worse but he went back to normal when I watched with him. Did I do the right thing? Are you angry with me?" asked Darcy.

"I don't know," Natasha answered honestly. She was not used to having people respecting her boundaries with such caution. Her link with Clint had been almost telepathic. Besides, both Phil and Clint were spies and preferred to interrupt her than let innocent people die. She preferred it too but still. It was shocking to see someone acting like her occasional need for physical distance was more important than their rest. More important than an alpha civilian's sleep.

"Ok. Do you want to talk about it?" Darcy asked cautiously, which was answered with a definitive “No.”

"Can you be on fashion week duty while I take a nap? I trust you to take care of Clint." Darcy whispered the last sentence like she knew how intimate and important this revelation was for Natasha.

Natasha nodded and Darcy rolled herself into a fetal position and went back to sleep almost immediately.

When Darcy woke up two hours later, she was still craving sleep but she was suddenly very aware that she was resting almost fully in Natasha's embrace. Natasha who had been hesitant about physical contact since Kate. Darcy murmured: “Can I?” Darcy didn't allow herself to go back to her desired sleep before the spy kissed her forehead saying, "Shhhh you are safe. I am here". Darcy was probably unaware of it but she released a strong wave of ‘content’ and ‘family’ pheromones at Natasha’s words and continued to do it for most of her dream.

When she woke up again, she was glad to participate to the fashion marathon.

If Clint had a thing for colours, Darcy was touch starved and loved feeling fabric’s texture on her naked skin. She took her touch-box from one of the shelves and took out different samples. She threw her partners samples of the textures that were the closest to the outfits they were looking at. She had a lot of stuff in her touch-box, mainly soft goods but also ribbons, feathers, and furs (always synthetic).

Clint and Darcy often asked Natasha what she thought of a specific color and took time to explain to her what they associated the colour with and why this colour made them think of her.

It was nice. They ate in front of the TV. Natasha was not very tactile when Darcy was awake or when Clint wasn't in distress but she sat close. She participated in conversations; sometimes translating Clint's French discourse on Monet's inspiration in the colour palette of Channel collection. She allowed Darcy to come closer to her when the alpha was asleep. She looked so defenseless in her sleep. Natasha hadn't had the chance to contemplate someone peacefully sleeping without having to cut their throats right after. It was a disturbing experience. Natasha thought she liked it.

"How old are you?" Natasha suddenly asked between two documentaries on French point lace. It might seem like it came out of nowhere but Darcy and Clint were perfectly aware that Natasha never open her perfect lips just to fill the silence. Russians knew the value of silence, that's why they made the best spies. That and training little girls to kill.

"Around thirty," answered Darcy with a grimace. She knew she couldn't lie in front of Natasha.

"Not really precise," commented Natasha dryly.

"Well, sorry not to be." But she didn't try to make it sound like an excuse at all.

"You were three classes above Kate when you met her. Which mean you would be somewhere around twenty five, not thirty," commented Natasha.

"Ok, you want the truth? The truth is that I have no fucking idea because I was adopted. Cops found me when I was alone and without any memory of my past but that’s in my file, isn't it?" Natasha nodded at the same time that Clint gaped. 

"Why are you trying to extract from me something you already know? Do you want the juicy details? They guessed my age according my height and weight but they must have misjudged because puberty hit me way earlier than the other kids that were supposed to be my age." Darcy grabbed her breasts rudely; she had hated them so much during her childhood.

Having a D bra at ten was not an experience she would recommend to anyone. It was lucky that she was able to pass for an alpha because alpha's breasts were markers of force while they were only used to sexualize omega women.

Darcy was crying and screaming now.

"My adoptive parents thought I was malnourished and it affected my early development. I chose my birthday myself and just randomly picked a day in an old cat picture calendar. They had Persian cats in September just like in the Lady and the Tramp so I chose September. And I chose seven because like all children, I thought it was a magic number. If I follow the first birth year they gave me then yes, I should be twenty-five. However, I personally think I am more likely thirty. But since when do I have a voice in your plans for my life?"

Darcy was breathing hard. None of them had tried to stop her in her diatribe and she had spitted out all her venom at once. She felt a bit better, now. Darcy was really emotional these days. Not that it was surprising with the recent events, but still. It was not fun.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have shouted. I think my rut suppressants made me overreact. My point still stands, though. Why the fuck do you care about my age?" Darcy said out of breath.

"We are old," said Clint when Natasha made clear that she was not going to answer.

"What? No, you aren't!" replied Darcy immediately.

"Next to you, we really are," Natasha stated flatly.

"Since when does age difference bother you? You had a bigger gap with Coulson!" snarked Darcy. She knew it was a low blow to mention Phil when they were still in mourning but she felt really rejected and for the most stupid reason. They probably just wanted to not hurt her feelings and wanted to prepare her for their future departure. Her attack did not have the excepted result. The spy twins only looked at her with surprise.

"That's because we are the eldest, now. Old gammas are useless gammas," explained Clint like you would talk to a naive child.

"Who called you useless? You are fucking superheroes fighting aliens in spandex! Dudes, your insecurities are bigger than a crazy adopted brother, and Loki tried to invade a fucking realm to prove his worth!" sassed Darcy to cheered them up.

"Maybe we are, now. But what about in five years? In ten years? What about when you are be ready to have your pups?" said Natasha, bitter.

"Wow, wow, wow. Keep calm. I am not even your alpha. I accepted I would take care of you both during your mourning. As a friend. As family. You didn't engage in something as old fashion life debt to an alpha sire and his offspring," replied Darcy. And OK, she had started to hope for a happily ever after together for her and her spies, but it didn't mean they were attached to her. No promises were made.

"Gammas are only accepted in the family circle if they are useful and gammas are useful by protecting children. We can’t protect pups when we’re over fifty. Maybe earlier. Growing attached to you only mean we will suffer more later," explained Natasha.

Alphas were traditionally the oldest of the pack. They were the most wise, tactical, supporting their family financially. It also meant society was indulgent longer with an alpha. They could fool around. Experimenting sexually was even recommended. Alphas were fertile all their life so it didn't really matter if they started their pack when they were older. Omegas on the other side were rare and their fertile years were precious to the survival of the population. Being without heir at thirty was shameful, let alone unmated! Betas were the luckiest of all. They could settle down sooner or later, society didn't really care. Betas produced a lot of calming pheromones, which often meant an increased life span for them. Gamma's blood was filled with adrenaline. They died young as they often worked in stressful situations. They had to form themselves early and to mate early if they want to be part of a nest. They were supposed to protect children until at least their twenties, so yeah... Gamma's age was a thing for traditionalist. Gammas that were too old were reduced to be unmated mercenaries to an alpha. Left alone as soon as they were useless. Considering that Natasha and Clint had already been mated, it was unlikely they would find another pack to welcome them if they wanted to...

"Wait. You want to have pups? Parenting? Diapers? Teenager crisis? Interrupted cycle time? Wednesday on soccer field smelling cheap bear, hotdog and sunscreen? Parent teacher conferences? Weekends in the countryside?" asked Darcy who was having an existential crisis in their face. "Oh fuck me sideway, you were planning to have children with Phil!"

Clint didn't even have to nod this time. There were tears in Natasha's eyes. 

"Phil didn't want to touch an omega. He was not particularly interested in women in general but he wasn't repulsed either, he could have... He would have. But I couldn't... I wanted it. I wanted to give him child but ... the sex part. I couldn't. I was ready to but Phil didn't want to force me."

"We filled out an adoption form," interrupted Clint.

"It was five years ago." finished Natasha for him. Yeah, Darcy could figure out why their government had reticence to give a child to an untraditional family (no omega, what a disgrace!) composed exclusively of field agents in a shadow government agency.

"This situation is so fucked up," sighed Darcy.

"WE are fucked up, you can say it," said Natasha.

"No, I won't because you are not. No one is fucked up here. The situation is difficult though. But we are above that."

"Above what? Being parents?" asked Clint in a kicked puppy voice that made her want to carry his pups like yesterday which was the most Stupid idea her body ever had.

"No. We are above fighting with each other because we are all tense and tired," explained Darcy trying to keep it together. Her distress was clear and for the first time, Natasha noticed it.

"You are not showing it," she blurted out.

"What? My tears and stupid shouting didn't give it away? And here I thought you were a spy," laughed Darcy nervously. Clint nested himself in her arms to help her to center her emotions. It helped.

"No, you are not emitting hurt alpha pheromone. You don't smell attacked, panicked or even stressed out," Natasha explained again.

Darcy gasped. "Well, I didn't want to add to your own stress. It's called being polite. Keeping your emotions to yourself. It's because most alphas are shitty and can't keep it in their heart or knot, not that it's impossible."

Darcy pouted and cuddled Clint closer. She put her nose in his hair to scent him. "I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I need to rest. You fucked up my sleeping schedule with your ninja sleeping cycles but I am a bare human. We will talk about engagement and expectations tomorrow." She murmured into his hair. She raised her chin a bit to look directly into Natasha's eyes "However, I will never abandon you for something as stupid as age. Family is forever."

Clint's mouth was just against her neck. He must have heard how hard her heart was pulsing. His lips were just against her omega bonding gland, invisible to the gaze but still present like on every assigned at birth omega. The place made for an alpha to bite to make her part of the pack. But Clint was not an alpha and she wasn't really an omega either.

Darcy wanted to cry. She couldn't because her pack needed her to be strong. She couldn't cry so she chose the lazy haze of another nap.

Darcy slept a lot. The previous week she had worked really hard to prepare Clint's rescue and their nest. Waking up with France's morning didn't help either. Natasha thought it was probably normal for a civilian to react to this level of stress with that much crash in energy.

Natasha changed her mind when Darcy started to violently scream in her sleep. It was not just a loud gasp. It was a long scream of terror. She was fighting incoherently against the shadows of her past. Darcy had warned them about nightmares but nothing could have prepared her for this. It was closer to a possession by the devil than anything else. Clint panicked and tried to wake her up, without success. He could only block her arms and legs to avoid her harming herself but her nails had already broken her skin at her wrists, trying to free her from invisible links.

As suddenly as Darcy had started, she stopped like a puppet whose strings had been cut. While Clint breathed at the unexpected peace, Natasha went directly to her arm to take her pulse.

Darcy's heart had stopped.


	12. Broken heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your support you are super amazing.

Natasha immediately started an energetic heart massage. Darcy's prominent breasts made the task more difficult but this was not Natasha’s first heart attack. She lost no time, she efficiently broke Darcy's ribs and started compressions. Sometimes people died because their 'saviour' was reluctant to hurt them. Natasha didn’t have this problem. She knew she had broken the bones properly and the healing wouldn't be as painful as it could be. Well, if Darcy’s heart restarted...

Clint was utterly lost. Staring with horror at his hands tainted with his alpha’s blood. Clint had seen way more blood before and it was really just scratches on Darcy's wrists but Clint had restrained her and coloured his hands. He hadn't been present for Phil's death but the Shield agents he killed already haunted his dreams. Natasha had been allowed to see Phil's body. Loki had made Phil's death ostentatious and messy. Phil’s blood had soaked his favourite suit. The one he had chosen to meet Steve in.

Natasha needed to push her thoughts about her handler's death away. Someone needed to keep their head cool and Clint was not known for his capacity to compartmentalize. He was probably not even ready to acknowledge violence just yet. Natasha needed him to stay with her. To occupy him, to keep his head above water until she could be there for him. She ordered him to go two levels up to where Stark had put the infirmary.

After she snapped her order at him, his gaze was more focused. He stood up and ran outside of the nest to call for an extraction.

Natasha was perfectly aware that his mission was pointless, as Jarvis had already called all necessary emergency contacts; however, she knew how her mate worked. For now, he needed to run off some tension.

Natasha was trying to keep the count of how many seconds it had been since Darcy's heart had stopped. Was it ten, was it an hour? She needed to stay in control. Emotional girls got punished, weak girls disappeared into the labs, and good girls remained silent, efficient, and heartless. Good girls got rewarded.

Darcy's heart restarted. She coughed as air came back into her body. She screamed as she put her hands to her chest, surprised to see no one had cut her in half and pulled her heart out of her chest; it felt like someone had. She remembered thinking: please, let me die, let me die. A voice she hadn't heard since her childhood. 

Please let me die. I can't. Not anymore. Let me die. 

She remembered in a blurred flash, the terror filling her, the antiseptic smell that irritated her nostrils. The atmosphere full of distressed pheromones. The madness in the scientists' eyes.

She also remembered the figure of a man observing her. She couldn't see his face but she knew his presence. He had been observing her often lately. She should be used to his inaction and yet she felt betrayed by him. How could he leave her here? Why wasn't he rescuing her?

Since when was she waiting for rescue?

The face of the man changed. He was still dressed in black, the soldier not at his place between the absent-minded scientists. She had yet to see him fully but she knew it was not the same person anymore. Her heart was full of anger against him. All her instincts were screaming at this man that had blasted all their years of friendship. For what? Fragments of power?

Wait. She looked around herself. Assessing Natasha's presence but quickly dismissing it in her quest.

"Who's there?" Asked Darcy as she frantically looked all around the nest.

Natasha wanted her to rest but she knew the alpha was in panic. She needed to answer Darcy’s questions to appease her mind which was still full of adrenaline from her near-death experience.

"Who are you looking for?" Asked Natasha. "You are safe. We are alone. It's just the two of us."

"No! I can smell them. There is a distressed alpha in here. They are suffering so much. They need help." Darcy looked around more and more and her stress increased every minute she couldn't figure out where the person having a panic attack was.

"Darcy. YOU are the distressed alpha," Natasha explained gently.

"But it can't be!" cried Darcy before analyzing her own smell. She was putting out more and more fear pheromones. What the fuck? How could she? "I am the distressed alpha," repeated Darcy having a sudden revelation. "I am the distressed alpha. I am Darcy Lewis. I am the distressed alpha! What the fuck is happening to me? Who am I?" 

Darcy put her hand to her chest and acknowledged the sudden emptiness she suffered. It was not physical this time but something had been taken from her nonetheless. Darcy succumbed to her need to cry as Clint penetrated the nest with Jane Foster and a bunch of medical people red faced from their run.

Half an hour later, the office near Darcy's room was hosting the most terrifying meeting of the century. Pepper Potts representing Darcy Lewis as her employer insisted on calling the heart specialist that had taken care of Tony. Natasha Romanov was absolutely opposed to this idea and wanted to call a SHIELD surgeon she trusted (as far as she could trust someone), moreover a competent specialist she knew would keep her tongue to herself, something she couldn't say about Stark's doctor. Natasha was not officially Darcy's mate but everyone treated her as such. A good thing for the '__ days since a murder at work' count for SI. Finally Jane was here as the person Darcy had named to defend her interest when she integrated with SI. Darcy was against any medical procedure at all. Even if Jane didn't think it was wise, she was no less fiercely when defending Darcy's right to make decisions for her own body.

Even if Darcy had been awake, she wouldn’t have manage to pass the medical test proving she was coherent enough to make an informed decision for herself.

So the ultimate combat of wills from the most competent and stubborn women in their domain it was.

They managed to come to an agreement. They used the procedure file Tony had written for Bruce Banner, if he should be ill under SI's care, as a reference. No invasive procedures. No sample taking. No record of measures taken. Pepper was good with the administrative side of things, Natasha was paranoid, and Jane was a scientist giving them informed intelligence on their decisions.

For further precaution, it was decided that Dr. Banner would first do a consultation. As a circus freak, as he liked to call himself when he was in self-pity mode, he would be respectful of someone else’s privacy.

The three women were rather happy with their agreement. They only threatened to kill each other a dozen times and if any of them would consent to use such childish vocabulary, they would say they left the office having gained two friends.

When Pepper informed Bruce of their decision, he recalled that he was obviously not this kind of doctor but he could detect if something was wrong with Darcy and if she needed further procedures.

They went to Darcy's room to get her feedback on the medical procedure they agreed on, but Darcy said she trusted them to respect her privacy without even reading the file. Somehow it made the three of them even more anxious. All of them were curious about what Darcy Lewis was hiding but they would all rather cut their own leg off with a paperclip than call her out during a weak moment.

Clint had refused to leave Darcy's side for the meeting and Natasha was having difficulties convincing him that he needed to abandon Darcy while Bruce was doing a basic check up. Darcy asked him to guard the infirmary's entrance to protect her and he happily followed her command.

With all this mess, Clint was holding himself together rather well. Natasha dared to hope for him.

Darcy and Bruce disappeared for a few awfully long minutes. Neither Jane, Natasha, nor Pepper were peculiarly good at small talk.

When the duo came back, neither of them seemed specifically alarmed which reassured the three women. Clint was called back and Darcy congratulated him for assuring her security with such dedication. Clint was beaming. Natasha was surprised to see that even in a hospital bed, Darcy’s first preoccupation was for her friends; Jane just rolled her eyes. She was used to Darcy's antics. She was there when Darcy tried to save puppies during a killer alien robot invasion after all...

Bruce assured Pepper he found nothing alarming and that she could go back to her usual crazy everyday CEO life.

Bruce then asked Darcy if she wanted Clint, Natasha, and Jane to be present when he explained what happened to her during her episode. Darcy blinked and said that as long as he didn't reveal what they discussed during her private exam, it was ok with her.

"You experienced what is called Lovebird Widow Syndrome," started Bruce cautiously.

"No link with my Widow, is it?" asked Darcy playfully. Natasha's heart missed a beat at the possessive remark.

"No. It happens when an alpha-omega pair is strongly linked, when the bond has been initiated but not completed. Often because they were to young according to society even if their hearts already recognized each other as mates." explained Bruce.

"Get straight to the point, Brucie. We don't care for your Romeo and Juliet stories," snapped Clint who had never been at ease in medical.

"If one of the partners dies within a few days after the initiation of the bond, the widowed partner will feel the separation strongly. Sometime feeling their partner's suffering themselves."

"So medically I suffered from a broken heart?" Asked Darcy unconvinced.

"No. That was what you felt when your partner’s heart stopped.”

"But I am not bonded to anyone!" Protested Darcy.

Clint said surprised "You smell like you’re in courtship to me."

"Yeaaah. I initiated a link with an omega that was fed up with sexual harassment but it's old story. Sure we never broke the bond but it was decades ago. Nothing like 'started an new link in the last few days'. I haven't left the nest. You are both already bonded gammas and very much alive I haven't met anyone who --" Darcy was uncomfortable around doctors, even if they were Avengers, and was always trying to hide it with jokes.

"Kate!" Interrupted Clint. Darcy didn’t have the time to form a 'What?' on her lips before Clint left the room to call to his soultwin.

"The omega you bonded with, it was not Kate, was it?!" Natasha pressed. 

"Nope. It was way before that. Besides we can't say it’s a fresh courting link." Commented Darcy not sure if she was trying to reassure herself or her friends.

"You couldn't have initiated a link without you knowing it, right, Dr. Banner?" Asked Jane for confirmation. She knew it was impossible but Darcy looked so confused she could probably use the reminder from an outside source.

"Unheard of," said Bruce directly to the stressed woman.

Clint came back a bit more calm saying that he got Kate on the phone and that she kissed them all and so does Pizzadog.

"Ok, so biologically speaking I have been linked to an unknown person during the last few days and then they died. Ok. What now, doc?" Asked Darcy giving as much credit to this theory as she did Jane's 5 a. m. ramblings on stars.

"Your hormonal cycle will be disturbed for some time. Maybe it will trigger a rut," started Bruce.

Natasha frowned, it was almost imperceptible but Darcy was looking at her. She was not paying any attention to the doctor just trying to figure out her friend's behaviour. It was the first time she was on the receiving end of Natasha Romanov's protectiveness. It was a bit much but she could get used to it. Natasha's reaction when a rut mention was fear and the idea itself made Darcy angry.

"Nope. I am on suppressants," said Darcy.

Bruce chose to not comment on this uncommon choice for an alpha. Natasha seemed relieved not to have to deal with a rut right now. Darcy wondered if it could trigger an omega heat but as she never had one during the past twenty years, Darcy quickly dismissed the idea. 

"Messed up cycle and what? That's all? Not anymore heart attacks?" Asked Clint, more focus on his alpha's survival than the part where said alpha will be hormonally trigger to have a crazy sex drive or not.

"Well, as her unknown partner died from a heart attack, it likely won't happen again," deadpanned Bruce.

"Well, except if her partner is another Tony Stark wannabe and finds a way to replace his heart with an arc reactor every few days," Jane commented dryly.

"Even then, it wouldn't count as a freshly started bond. Besides you have to die, something that doesn't happen every day, even to Tony," said Bruce.

"He better not. Pepper forbade him to die. No one wants to contradict Pepper Potts. Not even death." Added Natasha to conclude the conversation that was starting to get weird.

Remembering how Pepper Potts was awesome was always a good way to end a conversation. You couldn't add anymore valuable information after such a universal truth.


	13. About trust

As soon as Bruce finished his recommendation, the assassins escorted their alpha to their nest. They weren't actually bonded to Darcy but having her almost die in their arms had increased their already very present protection instincts.

Jane gave the shovel talk to the most feared assassins of their time and both of them actually felt threatened by the petite omega. To their credit, the astrophysicist used the: I can teleport your ass in another realm if you touch at one hair of my lab assistant without her explicit consent. Then she went back to her usual absent-minded self and tried to rainbow bridge her sentient coffee maker.

The three of them sat in the middle of the nest in a cuddle pile. Natasha left them for a few minutes to bring pesto pasta from the kitchen and they ate together in silence. They all needed to acknowledge what had happened before being able to talk about it. They didn't even know how they felt yet. Well they felt bad, obviously, but they didn't know what to do with it.

Night had fallen a while ago but the idea of sleeping was not appealing to any of them. Clint proposed playing a board game. Darcy was enthusiastic until she saw him digging a Monopoly box from his messy pile of stuff. Darcy didn't voice her opinion on the boring capitalist game but it must have been visible on her face because the gammas laughed at her.

Natasha explained to Darcy that Clint had invented an improved version of the game. It involved cheating as the main rule but also faking mafia accents and inventing the funniest and yet non-oppressive insults. The game was epically popular among SHIELD agents because it helped them to blow off steam after doing undercover work in an actual mafia.

Natasha and Clint were geniuses at cheating and Darcy couldn't even spot them at it. Sometimes Clint was winning outrageously and the next second Darcy was as rich as Tony Stark. Darcy grinned with childlike glee in front of all these beautiful magic tricks.

If any of them noticed that the sun has risen, no one mentioned it.

At ten o’clock an angry gamma knocked on the door of the nest, screaming at Clint and asking him how he managed to fuck up when she hadn't left him more than 48 hours ago. Clint was hesitant to let an unmated gamma penetrate his nest right now. A nest where his alpha was convalescing! Natasha and Darcy patiently waited for his decision. Kate called him on the bird code. Clint laughed and managed to remember that it was Hawkeye. If he couldn't trust Kate, who could he trust?

Clint opened the door. Kate threw herself at him. The Clint was first hesitant but when the Asian American woman whispered in his ear, "Shhh. It's ok. Everything is alright now,” Clint relaxed and started to cry into the younger woman's embrace.

Natasha didn't react to the display but Darcy felt the need to hug too. She asked Natasha for one, tentatively opening her arms and raising an eyebrow. Natasha curled herself around the alpha to protect her with her body.

Without a word exchanged between them, Kate released her embrace and took Clint's hand. She pulled Clint to the door that led to the apartment part of the nest and Clint followed her like a lost puppy. Kate asked: "Is it OK if we have some alone bird time? I think we both need it." Kate phrased it like a question but Darcy knew that her high school friendship with Terry wouldn't protect her against Hawkeye's anger if Darcy restricted Clint's freedom. Darcy nodded and the two archers disappeared in the private apartment.

Darcy melted a bit more into Natasha's embrace. She must have fallen asleep because when she opened her eyes Natasha was looking at her with a satisfied smirk. Darcy wanted to kiss those mocking lips. So she simply asked the spy. Natasha looked surprised then nodded. Darcy approached her tentatively. Their mouths touched but neither dared to deepen the kiss. This was not the time for that. Darcy's hand went to Natasha's hair. She didn't press Natasha's head closer; she just played with her hair in a light caress. The kiss lasted.

Darcy ended the kiss. She suspected that Natasha wouldn’t have dared to move first. Darcy asked "Was that OK for you?" Natasha didn't answer verbally but she nuzzled her head into Darcy's neck, purring like a cat. Darcy took it as an affirmative. Darcy slowly started to caress her assassin's back. Their position had only slightly changed. Natasha was still curled protectively around Darcy but this time it was Darcy that was giving comfort to her pack.

After some time, Darcy said, "I am still hiding so much from you."

Natasha didn't move from Darcy’s neck but whispered, "We know."

Darcy sighed. "I would tell you if I could but sometimes even thinking about it makes me panic." Natasha didn't add anything. She let her alpha take all the time she needed to make her confession. Darcy couldn't see Natasha's face and somehow that helped. The gamma was pressed tightly against her. She didn't have to fear her judgment. It was relaxing.

Darcy wondered if Natasha's aptitude to make people want to talk to her was a part of her spy interrogation skills or if it came from the trust they had built during the week, taking care of the man they both loved.

Darcy knew that Natasha had her own shady past. She could understand the deep need to hide yourself in front of another’s gaze. To hide, to protect. Even from a person close to your heart. It was not a lack of feelings; it was just a survival skill.

Clint had never really been a spy. He was more a mercenary. His heart was too big and sincere to make him a level two spy. It was both his strongest asset and greatest weaknesses. Sometimes he reminded Darcy of a child. Even with all the betrayal that marked his past he was still good, open, and trusting.

Maybe that was what attracted both of them at their first meeting with the archer. Their hearts aching for simplicity, truth, and unconditional love. They learned who Clint was as a person later and loved him no less. Clint was also incredibly complex and had his own demons. It was good too because they could develop a real relationship with him where everyone was equal.

However for the things Darcy had to confess, she couldn't think about talking to anyone but Natasha. The spy was at the same time both judgmental enough to cut all ties with Darcy if she betrayed their trust with her constant lies, but she would also be able to understand why Darcy had needed to lie.

"They did things to me," started Darcy again, "My body was not my own. I needed a lot of time to accept myself, what I have become. I learned to use my body as a disguise. I used what they did to me to hide better but they also deprived me of so much." 

"Your body can't express the whole range of alpha pheromones. Before yesterday I have never smelled fear on you, no matter how afraid you appeared. It was difficult to read you because you have to shut down all the information coming from your smell," commented Natasha.

"Obviously you would notice!" smiled Darcy, "Which one have you noticed missing?" Darcy was curious.

"You express essentially positive pheromones. Protection, family, comfort. You can also project anger and the promise of violence like you did in SHIELD, but you choose not to use it much, even I can't imagine what they did to you for you to achieve such a perfect control over it. You can express sadness. I have never seen you expressing happiness or content. You use your pheromones as message, not to divulge who you are. I also think you can't express desire."

"What makes you think that?" asked Darcy, curious to know what gave her away.

"You are interested in Clint, sexually. It is just as obvious that he is as gone for you too. However you didn't physically express your desire, which is something unbelievable for an alpha. Clint was depressed thinking you didn't like like him," started Natasha.

Darcy smiled as Natasha used the childish expression Clint would love.

Natasha continued her explanation, "I said he was being stupid and shared my theory with him. We may have tested you on that. "

"Was it before or after you ''woke'' me up?" Darcy tensed. The 'did you assault me to prove your theory' went unsaid. Natasha knew she had to be cautious with her words.

"After. It was what helped me to notice what was bizarre with your scent. Your body reacted to our caress but not your scent. When you woke up, you projected anger, protection, and basic territorial behaviour for an alpha defending her mate but you were not emitting fear pheromones at all," Natasha knew she was taking a risk saying this, but it was worth it.

"I get it, you were suspicious but when did you guys have the time to talk about it? We were basically always together," said Darcy.

"Basically always is never good enough for spies. Besides we used ASL most of the time when you were looking at something else," revealed Natasha.

Darcy tried to put the last book she read on non-violent pack communication theories to use. "OK. Right now, I feel betrayed by you. I think I can understand why you did it. I don't say that I accept it but I understand. I appreciate it that you are telling me now. I know how much it must cost you. What did you do to prove your theory? Was all our physical contact fake?" Darcy's voice broke at the end of the sentence.

She was fighting very hard to not cry at the idea that all the recent steps in building their family was just apart of the spy’s game. The soft first kiss they exchanged a few minutes ago already seemed so far away.

"No. Never. All physical contact was consented by both of us. I may have played similar games with Phil at the beginning of our relationship. Phil was really mad when he learned what we did to test how serious he was about the pack thing. He said nonsense things about rape and a lot of other stuff. Somehow he felt guilty because he thought he had abused me. I am still unsure of what all this mess is but I learned. When I, Natasha Elizavietha Romanova, am involved in a personal relationship, all physical contact I do must be desired by me for itself and not for what it might bring me," said Natasha with seriousness. She wanted to show her new alpha that she might have been wrong but she tried her best to learn from her previous experiences.

"You are impossible. Every time I have every right to be mad at you, you throw me something like that and all I want is to hug you," sighed Darcy.

"You are already hugging me," said Natasha who usually never pointed out the obvious.

"I am aware," answered Darcy. They stayed silent for some time. Darcy passing her hand through Natasha's hair.

"So what did you actually do to test your theory?" Darcy asked again.

"The basic tests for assessing a target's interest," Darcy grimaced at the word. "Bending over in your line of sight. Wearing your clothes. Revealing our bare necks. Arranging hair into incredible-sex-hair. Fitted clothes. V necks. Dressing and undressing carefully on the edge of your vision. That kind of thing. Are you mad?"

Darcy breathed deeply into Natasha's hair before answering. "No, I am not. I am relieved. I’m starting to fall for you. For both of you. When you told me you played me, I wondered if all the things that made my heart melt were just your spy tricks; but that's not the case. You just pulled the basic primal desire string. My attachment to you has nothing to do with how sexy you appear. I mean, you are both stunning and everything but that's not what I see when I look at you,"

Natasha was breathing hard against Darcy’s neck. Darcy could feel her rapid heartbeat. She slowly pulled Natasha's head out of the crook of her neck to kiss her forehead. The spy raised her chin and she was staring right into Darcy's eyes when she asked, "What do you see in us then?"

"Bravery. Loyalty. This incredible link you share together that everyone envies. The way your nose wrinkles after Clint's horrible puns. How you smile with your eyes. The fact that you never smile to me when you don't want to. The Russian lullabies you sing to us when you think we are sleeping. The fact that you obviously love purple but you don't want it to be your favourite colour because you don't want to take it from Clint. That you secretly prefer satin over silk and the smell of grass over the flowers' delicate perfume. How you are Russian and how you do a hilarious fake Russian mafia accent and so you managed to mock Americans, Russians, and yourself at the same time. How you are always cautious with me. You don't dismiss me like everyone else. You are always waiting for me to prove myself. You don't invest yourself lightly in a relationship and I feel honoured that you consider me a friend even with all the things I can't share yet. You are at the same time my most impartial judge and my most protective defender. I like that. I like like you."

"I like like you too," revealed Natasha, "I wish you could be yours forever the same way I am Phil's and your heart followed the rhythm of another omega's."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I tried to make revelation in this chapter but it became 7kW long. I could only cut here. Next chapter, I promise.


	14. When I was young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the confidences I promised you are here. I wish you will like it.
> 
> Trigger warning: minor selfmutilation and teeth pulling.

"Pack and family don't need the hormonal help of a bite. Look at Stark! Do you think his love for Pepper or Rhodey is any less because they are not related to the same alpha?" frowned Darcy.

"Stark loves being the eccentric exception. We can't all be Tony Stark," mocked Natasha.

"No but you are a strong, beautiful and fierce hero. Thor fell for Jane when he didn't even understand the Midgardian gender concept. Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter, and Bucky Barnes were the brave triad of gammas that saved our ass from Hitler and even the most conservative historian wouldn't dare to refer as them to anything less than a pack. Bruce, the sweetest beta ever has to share his body with the most territorial macho alpha. You are an Avenger. Why can't you create your own story?" murmured Darcy.

"Who was this omega you shared a courtship link with?" asked Natasha to avoid the question. Natasha rarely answered to them and often returned another question on a subject that could appear totally different. However they were for the spy. Her brain was always trying to understand the whole picture. Understand every string of the story.

Darcy grimaced but answered. "We were young. Alphas and omegas contained in small cages on opposite sides of the room."

Darcy took a long inhalation before voicing the memories that were always present in her mind.

"They were testing the limit of alpha-omega bonds. They wanted to create omegas able to bond way before puberty. Perfect puppet puppies in adult alpha’s hands. Human traffickers, pedophiles, and mad scientists defying Nature. The perfect combo," Darcy tried a smile but it was more hurtful than anything.

She stopped playing like everything was ok. It was twenty-five years ago and she still woke up screaming. Natasha had seen her. There was no dignity to save.

"The alphas that were paying them couldn't afford to be linked to the monstrosities the omegas became after their first experiments. That's why they used alphas too. Homeless kids. They took more omegas as one alpha could be linked to several omegas. They wanted us to bond. The labs always smelled of blood from the omega's neck healing badly from unsuccessful bites. Not a piece of their skin was left untouched. It was just a big wound. Some alphas tried to pull their teeth out of their mouths to stop hurting their omega companions. Soon, the alpha kids were watched as cautiously as the omegas were.”

Darcy remembered Tobby. The first alpha they chose for her. He was the one to find the teeth trick. He said that he preferred to suffer for the rest of his life than to hurt an omega he should cherish; his death had been messy.

Tobby was not an orphan homeless kid like them. He had family that loved him and was looking for him. He had been taken because his father was an enemy of the trafficker. He knew real world but sometimes the things he whispered to them sounded like fairy tales.

Surely, omegas couldn't be treated that well. Like they were equals to alphas. Sure, alpha kids were trapped with them, but scientists were also more careful with them. Like they matter somehow. When you had nothing, you are craving for every piece of attention, even if it was not totally rotten bread.

Monstrosities. That was what they called omegas after another failed experiment. Untouched omegas didn't receive more flattering names. The scientists had the sadistic pleasure to tell them how weak and filthy omegas were. How they were meant for sex and to belong to an alpha. Crave their touch. How Science will help them to make it a reality. How they will love it. You couldn't escape your fate.

"They succeeded? The omega you were linked too... Were you living separate lives to protect them from the artificial consequences of the bond?" asked Natasha, interrupting Darcy for the first time since the beginning of her confession. Maybe she had zoned out in her own head. Cruel words echoing in her ears. Little voices Darcy could never totally block out on her omega status.

"Not really. Never completely. But they did things. I grew a courtship link at the tender age of six. I am not sure they noticed. Hell, I am not even sure he noticed! Then good guys saved the day before I had the opportunity to understand this new thing that was happening to me. The mad insane men got arrested and most of the kids went to foster care.”

Darcy remembered all the horror stories the guardians told them about the foster system. They made them believe that it was normal for omegas to be treated like that. How nowhere was safe for them. She believed them. Obviously she believed them, how could she not when it was all she could remember? Tobby's kind and reassuring words were so far from their everyday lives. Surely, it couldn't be true. Happiness was reserved for other people. Rich alpha males, mostly.

“I didn't wanna go. I was afraid. I escaped. The courtship link gave new control over my scent; I used it to hide myself. When an alpha and an omega start a courtship link, their scents are modified. More discreet. It's supposed to keep rivals at bay and the future lovers also start to smell like each other, like a pack. Everything is supposed to fasten the real bonding process. I used it differently. I pushed it further using the capacity they created. I was only six and I pushed myself to exhaustion trying to annihilate my scent to escape the world."

Darcy was breathing hard. She remembered when she was found later, smelling of basically nothing. Her body not answering her anymore after she had pushed it past its limits. Her mind screaming at her foolishness. How it felt wrong to not scent herself. Not human anymore. Like an object. Like the objects they told them omegas were. The monster she had become.

She was found by an old farmer couple. Their noses were not what they used to be and they mistook her for an alpha. They were good to her. They had heard about the human traffickers experimenting on children and that were caught by government not far from here.

The locals were mortified because they had seen nothing. They had let these criminals take their kids. Everyone knew where Darcy came from but no one talked about it. She was their charge. Their second chance. It took a village to raise a child and it took a child to be a village's redemption.

They thought her lack of smell came from the experiments. They taught her how to act like a proper alpha and always congratulated her when she threw alpha pheromones.

“I was adopted by an old couple that kept me. They treated me right but we never spoke about my past. Like it never existed.”

Guilt was probably not a good starter for a family relationship.

Her file at SHIELD probably said she had been raised by her maternal grandparents. The mayor of the small town had a contact well placed in the administration. He pulled some strings and called for some favours and Darcy Lewis was born. She had chosen her name herself. Before? She had had a number.

Natasha knew Darcy wouldn't talk about her childhood anymore. She interrogated her on her omega courting partner. The mysterious man she was so jealous of and yet so protective. A partner she will mourned without having met them.

“Once you were far away, why didn't you break the bond? Do you know what happened to your omega?” asked the spy.

“I never saw him again. I kept the bond because everyone needs a past, even if it’s horrible. Besides, his scent was reassuring to me. Pack, family, protection. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me sane. Knowing that someone in this wide world was waiting for me. It was not a prince charming fairy tale. How could it be? The bare notion of romance or sex was disgusting to me. I was around six at the time. Children are not known for their love of romance. Mating and biting were a gross things adults did.”

“He didn't break it either? Never tried to contact you?” pushed Natasha.

“I don't know. Maybe he was like me. Wanted the reassurance of a fantasized family but not acknowledging his past. Or maybe, the option I hate the most, they created something monstrous. A one-sided bond. That was why I never really tried to meet him again. I was afraid of being nothing to him. It doesn't matter anymore...”

Natasha kissed Darcy's lips softly. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“I am sorry too. He shouldn't have died. He was an innocent. A survivor. A hero. He helped me so much. He should have live a long and beautiful life. Met partners to support him. A nest with garden, a Labrador, seven and half pups. Maybe our kids would have been friends. We could have taken holidays together every summer. This link had been there for so long, I didn't even acknowledge it anymore. It was a part of myself, like my hand is, I didn't have to consciously acknowledge it for it to exist. Now, something is aching in my chest. I miss him. But I also feel guilty because I should have been prepared for his loss.”

“Why should you have? You heard Bruce; he said it only happens to couples who have been in a courting bond for a few days. You have been pseudo bonded with him for years. It shouldn't even have make you blink!”

“I don't do normal. Not since they caught me. Even my link, they fucked it up. When I had nothing I still had him. My secret home. Fantasized family. But yesterday, I felt his heart stop in my chest. I even think his last thought echoed in my head even if I can't put them into words,” said Darcy sadly.

Natasha hugged her tighter. Her mouth was against Darcy's neck. At the exact place an alpha would have bite her to create a real bond. Not a tiny courtship thing, the happily ever after package. Darcy shivered at this though. Tears came to her eyes thinking that the only alpha who might have been foolish enough to make her family just died.

Natasha misinterpreted her tears.

“Do you know who murdered your partner ? Do you want me to bring you their head on a silver plate?” asked Natasha like you would offer a tissue.

“I don't think it was murder. It was violent but I picture a hospital when I try to put all the pieces together. I remember his strong desire to die and him begging the doctors to let him go. He wanted it. He is at peace now. The only people you could murder are the ones who made his suffering last.”

“If he was your age, he was a bit young to suffer from heart condition. It could be a consequence of the experiments they did on him that weakened his heart. Maybe I could find the first people that captured you and experimented on fucking children. I have an avenging history with people using children against their will.”

Natasha was subtle. Sharing some of her past and reminding Darcy she lived through traumatizing events as a child too and consequently would understand her. She was also pulling the vengeance card she hoped inhabited Darcy's heart to learn more about her lost courting partner and the human traffickers. Darcy had cautiously avoided names, dates, and places. Maybe anger would make her spill some details.

“They were caught years ago. As soon as l was able to hack through government systems, I verified that none of them lived through it. Their blood is long dried,” said Darcy.

“Good,” concluded Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy ?


	15. Clint's need

Kate and Clint came back to the nest as if they had been waiting for Natasha and Darcy's conversation to end. Clint looked ill. His eyes were red; Kate's were not much better. Clint was pouting while Kate looked determined. Whatever happened out of the nest, it must have been pretty big for the two heroes to fight until tears.

Kate positioned herself in front of Darcy with rigidity. Natasha stood up and Darcy did the same. The spy took her rightful place besides her alpha but was ready to attack at the first sign of Darcy looking distressed.

“I know we used to be friends and it's probably not my role to call you out on that but I am the only one seeing what is happening. We need to talk about the way you are treating Clint,” started the archer. Darcy grimaced, Natasha threw death glares at Clint who suddenly found the sky ceiling fascinating.

“How am I treating Clint?” Darcy asked fiercely. Natasha was just about to growl because no one should ask her alpha to explain but Darcy calmed Natasha with a wave of reassuring pheromones. She could take it. Besides it was Kate’s right role as a bff to give some form of a shovel talk. No one had given a shovel talk to protect Clint before.

“Not like a proper alpha should,” started Kate. Darcy agreed in her head on this point as she indeed wasn't an alpha. What had she missed?

“Is it a lack of sex or romance thing? Because I made my point very clear on that from day one. Hummm. Let say day two,” said Darcy remembering her first uncomfortable wake up and panic attack.

“I couldn’t care less about what you are doing with your knot, director. I have no right to judge and even if Clint is pouting against your two weeks rule, he secretly appreciates you not wanting to rush things.”

“Could you just shut up, Hawkmouth?!” shouted Clint as red as a brick.

“What is the problem then?” asked Darcy, the women dismissing Clint's outburst.

“You are treating him like a poor lost little thing. He acts like it because it is the only place you are giving him!”

“That's not true,” stated Darcy.

“Then, when was the last time you spent time with Clint?” asked Kate.

“I don't understand, we are always together.” Darcy was frowning. Clearly, she was missing something.

“With him and him alone,” added Kate glaring at the red head spy.

Darcy thought about it and answered easily. “Yesterday morning. We watched the fashion week together and before that we slept together.”

“Oh really and how so?” asked Kate in a false surprised tone.

“Because Natasha was sleeping outside of the nest,” whispered Darcy. 

“Yes, it was from Natasha's desire to be alone, not yours to take time with Clint. When were you alone with him before that?”

Darcy thought about it then blushed with guilt answering, “In the interrogation room at SHIELD.”

“That's right! And you have known Natasha for four days and Clint's for months. You welcome them in your life easily. Like you would have welcome anyone. What is he supposed to think? That he is some sort of charity cause you indulge yourself from time to time to feel better about yourself? Hell you didn't even let him unpack his things!” Kate threw an accusatory finger at Clint's mess in a heap near the sofa.

“I didn't want to pressure him into anything,” countered Darcy. Natasha nodded approvingly at that. Darcy had always been careful to not impose herself on them. The spy has been incredibly grateful for that.

“Did you ask him if he wanted to?” asked the gamma.

“Yeah! No. I mean... Maybe? Clint did I asked your opinion?” Darcy was starting to see what she did wrong.

“Humm. No?” He phrased it like a question but with a perfect memory like his, it was really wasn’t one.

“But you do know you didn't need my permission to unpacked, right?” continued Darcy.

“Yeah. Sure. I knew it,” said the gamma looking at the floor. How he survived in the mercenary world while being such a terrible liar was beyond the gammas' comprehension.

“Clint!” Natasha and Kate snapped at the same time in a perfect unison.

The poor archer straightened and hissed. “NO!” He looked lost and added, “No, I didn't. I was not sure and was too afraid to ask.” 

Darcy made a move to take the man in her arms but Kate put herself between them.

“Not this time, Lewis. You can't cure all the plagues of this world with hugs. Talk!”

“Come on, Terry. Don't go all defensive gamma on me. It was just miscommunication from my usual insecure self. It's not a big deal. We would probably have unpacked in the following days,” Darcy said to keep things cool between them before Natasha committed a crime to defend her honour or before Clint managed to dig a tunnel to hide himself in a Hulk containment room made of vibranium.

“Don't call me that. I am not here as your friend but as Clint's when you are treating him like shit. You said it's just miscommunication but do you know what I see? I see that Phil Coulson has more stuff in your nest than Clint. A fucking rival alpha you never met and he died before you ever knew his name! Wake up, Darcy! What the heck are you playing at?”

“I am not playing, Katherine. I am sincere. I promise.” Darcy sounded so heartbroken but no one moved, not even Natasha who was starting to understand where Kate's righteous anger was coming from.

“Maybe, but you didn't act like someone sincere. Gammas don't have mind reading capabilities, you know? How is he supposed to feel like a real member of your pack if you don't even let him open his baggages. His stuff is still in the same pile I left it in the beginning of the week,” said Kate. She was a bit calmer now she knew she got to make her point. 

“I am sorry if I sent you mixed messages, Clint. You can unpack your things and make yourself at home in our nest if it is what you still want.” Darcy looked at Natasha for approval. The spy nodded.

Clint smiled between the tears that had appeared in his eyes. He whispered a little. “Yeah, I would love to.”

Then the Omega looked at Kate hoping to see in her eyes the same satisfaction that inhabited Natasha's. Kate wasn't smiling, she sighed.

“You still don't get it,” she stated as a matter of fact.

Darcy looked at Clint and Natasha for guidance but none of them seemed to know what she was referring to.

“You are all hopeless,” sighed Hawkeye. 

“What do you want?” asked Natasha who was fed up with this mind game.

“Clint is an insecure gamma who just lost his previous partner and has been brainwashed by a freaking alien. He is passing through speaking and non speaking phases. He sleeps most of the days, doesn't sleep at night. He is fucking doing through his worst depression episode since I know him and you dare ask me what is wrong? Worst, you comfort him in his attitude by not addressing it. You treat him like you would treat a lost omega or a fellow alpha. He is a gamma for Robinhood's sake! He needs orders to follow and a protection mission.” Kate exploded.

“That's sexist! I would never impose myself on him. I won't abuse his trust,” replied Darcy and she knew Natasha approved.

“No, it's not. It is how gamma biology works. You can't fully understand but as a gamma raised like an omega it took me so long to learn what was taught to us since birth and what was truth. Omegas tend to comply when ordered around and that's why you always should leave an exit solution open when you talk to an omega. But Clint is very much a gamma. Gammas can fight the orders they are given. Clint is known for being difficult with his handler. If you abuse your position of power, you can be sure you will wake up with your hair dyed purple the next morning. However, when a gamma complies willingly to a trusted order, their body will produce g-enzymes that help them keep their hormonal level balanced. It also produces enjoyable little things like endorphins that help fight anxiety and depression. Because you haven't give him any order he just try to guess them and because he is an insecure, abused gamma he thought you loved him only as a charity case and try to become like one to please you.”

Darcy didn't answer but her mouth formed a perfect 'o' of surprise.

“That's not my personal experience,” retorted Natasha.

“The keyword there is ‘personal’,” replied Kate.

“I am not talking about myself. I don't need to be ordered around to be perfectly healthy, everyone knows that. I thought Clint was the same. Phil always treated us equally and never gave us pointless orders. They had been mated for years, don't you think I would have noticed if he needed orders from anyone to function properly?” detailed Natasha.

Natasha was not used to saying so many words. The perfectly efficient spy shell was broken because a stranger, ok Clint's best friend, was reproaching her about not knowing how her mate functioned.

“I am a SHIELD specialist. I consider most of my mission's orders as a pack security order. At first, I did it to keep my independence from Phil because I didn't trust him fully yet. Then it became a habit. I talked about it with Phil and we were happy how things were. When you entered into my life, you hated the other gammas that were mindless puppets in their alphas' hands so much... Somehow, you thought I was like you. That I was strong enough to be above my biology. I never told you the truth because I thought you would think less of me. Sorry Tasha.” Clint was desperate to meet Natasha's eyes but she was just as determined to avoid his.

“How did it work?” asked Darcy. She knew Natasha needed a bit more time before being able to react to new information (betrayal) without hurting the most important person in her life. Besides, if Darcy needed to order around a gamma, she needed guidance.

“I was often sent on missions, most of the time with Phil but sometimes with another handler. We are all workaholics, so my body was always hormonally balanced and I could stand a failure or reject a stupid handler's decision. Phil was always the one who debriefed me and always insisted in an aftercare session to be sure I was alright.” Clint was smiling at the thought but his eyes were burning.

“Natasha, having to follow orders is a natural need for a gamma. Even if the frequency of it depends on each person. Here, everything happened in a controlled environment and it never influenced Clint's life. He was glad to work for SHIELD, he believed what they did was for the best and as a bonus his hormonal level was fixed,” explained Kate.

“He lied to me,” answered Natasha stubbornly.

“Yes, I did,” agreed Clint.

“You told me you were like me. That you didn't have to follow orders to keep your head cool. You made me believe I was normal. I was not alone. You... You lied to me,” Natasha was highly distressed but they knew making a move towards her would be misinterpreted as pity. Darcy was sending a continuous amount of calming pheromones but didn’t dare to do much more.

“I thought I wasn’t alone. You made me think I was normal,” Natasha said in a broken voice.

“I am so sorry, Tash. I started to lie to reassure you, and then I didn't know how to reveal the truth. Some part of me was still ashamed to need it. I know it doesn’t comfort you but I dreamed I could escape my body's urges the second I joined the circus. Phil, and with him SHIELD, made it better but when you entered in my life, I still hadn't accepted this part of me.”

“You may have been alone earlier in your life and I am truly sad for what you had to go through. But you are not alone anymore. You have friends, a team, a pack. No one cares how you keep your internal body functions at bay. You are just Natasha for us. Wonderful spy alien-slayer. Clint needing an alpha to order him around doesn’t make you any less. We love you Nat. I love you, Natasha Romanov,” confessed Darcy.

“I love you, Natasha Romanov,” repeated Clint.

“I have strange way to showing it, but I love you too, Natasha Romanov,” finished Kate. 

“What will happen to Clint, now that he can't go on SHIELD missions? How can Darcy give him consensual orders without accidentally pushing his limits?” Asked Natasha with pragmatism. Everyone's eyes softened at her answer. Natasha will always be Natasha.

“Just by often giving non-crucial orders: ‘pass me the salt’ without adding please. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. It doesn't have to be important or special requests. Besides you can always check with Clint before and after an order. You know, this wonderful new process they invented in SHIELD labs. They named it communication, I think.” sassed the younger archer. 

Kate had spent so much time learning about every gamma's experience, sociology books on the subject but also biologists, historians, biographies or PhD thesis' on the subject that she was the most knowledgeable person in the room when it came to gamma's needs and specificities. In the room... Probably in the whole Stark tower. However her know it all attitude made her rude. Her pack's functioning understanding was all theoretical as she never committed herself into a serious romantic relationship or a pack. She made it sound like it was easy for Darcy and everything was her fault but Kate was truly persuaded that her friend was distressed because Darcy hasn't been trying hard enough.

“Well, I think you need to talk together. I will come back tomorrow afternoon with Lucky. It should be easier to start giving orders to keep him fed, washed, and walked. Easy orders for you. Cuddles as a bonus. Bye. See you,” Kate disappeared in a blink, letting the young pack-in-formation face its first conflict. Others will come but their attachment to each other will be stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is now totally mad at Kate. Maybe you are too? Everyone can not be on their best behaviour every time. Kate's overreaction will be explained in the next chapter.
> 
> Still with me on Darcy's adventure?


	16. Sam's shelter

Saying that they had a lot to discuss was an understatement. Natasha felt betrayed by Clint. Clint felt like everything was his fault and Darcy felt betrayed by her old friend and guilty at the same time because somehow, if she had been a Real Alpha, she could have helped.

They cried. A lot. They talked too. Sometimes cuddling, sometimes maintaining distance between them. They napped but one spy was always guarding Darcy's sleep.

Clint tried to voice his needs. How many orders he needed to be healthy. Their frequency, the degree of freedom she could let him in his missions. How without enough clear orders he was just low functioning; half depressed, half trying to guess everyone's needs. How some fucked part of his brain thought they wanted him lost and broken because that was what you are supposed to feel when you were brainwashed, mourning or, Thor's help, both.

Phil was usually taking care of his needs when he was between SHIELD missions for too long. Clint and Phil knew it was not secure with jobs like theirs to let everything depend on only one person. Clint didn't want to tell Nat even after Phil's multiple sermons, so he had talked with Kate.

The oppression she fought everyday because of transphobic asses had made her a good listener and she never judged him. Well, it was not like she was the therapist of all the angsty cis persons of the city but she was always there for her friends. She made him swear he would find a trusted alpha if Phil disappeared or if this shadow agency was not good enough for him to feel hormonally balanced anymore. Kate had implied at that time 'If SHIELD embraces the dark side of the force', it seemed like he was the one who had embraced it. Brainwashing alien scepter and everything.

For the first time, Clint talked about what happened during Loki's control. He felt nothing about the memories he kept from his controlled period. He couldn't feel anger, sadness or anything about it. It was just there. Existing. Clint felt guilty about not being effected enough. Like he was bad for not being broken enough. He agreed it was exactly a symptom of PTSD and that he would consider counseling. Natasha said some good things about the therapist that helped her after the red room but said that their brainwashing experiences were different so it would not be the same for him. Darcy said she would ask Thor how his people dealt with the aftereffects from crazy magic hypnosis. If they had PhD thesis on Magic PTSD, a psychomage profession or potion that healed the heart or something.

The ‘open your heart session’ was interrupted by a message on Darcy's cellphone. It was Kate. Natasha made a mean comment on Kate always coming at the worst moment in their relationship and Clint threw popcorn at her. Darcy read Kate's message out loud.

Basically it said that she had acted like an insensitive asshole and that she needed some alone time to sort some things out. The messages implied she had been through some shit and she didn't want to let her anger against other people interfere in their friendship again.

It was not an apology, more like : I just realised I fucked up.

She promised that she would explain herself later and give proper excuses. In a second text, she said that she still believed that she had made an important point, even if she recognized that she phrased it in the worst possible way. 

On a last message, she said she understood if they didn't want her near the nest anymore and that she will send a trusted friend of her with Lucky in Stark's tower at 2pm and that she won't reveal the nest's location to anyone.

Darcy answered these three long message with a 'OK.' punctuation included which was an universal message for: I acknowledge what you said but I am still mad at you.

Clint wasn't sure why Kate was suddenly receiving so much hate while Natasha wanted to eat her alive. Darcy tried to make them voice their opinions and initial hypothesis to see where the divergence came from.

Natasha said she was mad at Kate because she hurt both of them on an emotional level. She dared to judge Darcy while the alpha was doing the best she could in an improbable situation she hadn't asked for. Moreover the archer has attacked her alpha while the said alpha was vulnerable. Just after her link-related heart attack. Natasha viewed it like a betrayal.

There was also Kate forcing Clint to reveal his secret regarding his need. The Russian spy recognized she couldn't be objective on this point as she was jealous that Kate knew something she didn't. However on a rational level she was angry because even if it was essential for Darcy to be aware of Clint's needs, she could have talked with exclusively the alpha, without directly involving Clint and Natasha. The spy in her was mad because too many people were now aware of Clint's secret. She knew it was not a secret as most gammas acted that way but she considered it as one as Clint has always treated it as such.

Clint listened as Natasha threw everything she had to say on his best friend before revealing some important informations on the matter. After Darcy's attack, he has been barely coherent and he had not fully informed Kate of the situation. To speak in more direct way, Kate had never been informed of Darcy's heart attack, she just knew the alpha did something that put Clint in this state and because life has taught her to expect for the worst, she thought Darcy has abused him in some way. Clint had been barely coherent when Kate came. He had asked her to order him around to help him release the tension that inhabited him. They hadn't talk at all, she had just treated him like he craved but wouldn't dare to confess to the two most important women of his life.

Kate knew after Phil's death that Clint has needed an alpha and was glad it was Darcy. Kate had pressed him to reveal him what he needed to be properly taken care of, however Clint decided against it because he didn't want to do it in front of Natasha. That's why Kate had insisted so much on Darcy taking alone time with both. Well, then she had thrown the non in front of Natasha anyway, but at that time her anger had already won her.

Darcy had assumed the spies had a perfect link that everyone envy and that they shared everything, but in a spy’s world it was a dangerous assumption to make. One that could have cost Clint's life.

Yes, Kate's anger hadn't been totally irational. She did made some points, however Darcy and Natasha both agreed they didn't want to see Kate in the nest soon. The spy didn't want to see her at all but Darcy was more open-minded and would like to hear Kate's side of the story. Clint said he felt too emotionally insecure to throw anyone out of his life right now but he won't suffer if his friend was not physically present in the nest. Both women wanted to be sure he wouldn't suffer from the separation.

After all this talking, Natasha said she didn't feel ready to address the lie Clint had fed to her for years and that she preferred to continue like nothing happened while she digested everything. Clint had no objections. Darcy purposed that they should talk about it again before next Tuesday. Clint smiled at how she phrased it to be taken like an order to Clint but as a suggestion to Natasha. The redheaded spy brushed Darcy's hair with affection. Darcy jumped on Nat and hugged her tightly like a koala and asked, “Nap?” in a childish voice. Darcy was still tired from the recent events and Bruce had said she would need to rest a lot for her body to recover from the shock it went through. It was Clint's turn to be on guard duty. Darcy suggested with a raised eyebrow, “You can unpack your things. If you want. While I sleep. Now. Please. If it is ok.”

Clint barked a laugh and Darcy stuck her tongue out in response like a mature grown up woman before hiding in Natasha's neck.

Darcy fell asleep with the comforting song of Clint putting his mess of everything around them, finally making himself at home.

She was woken up by Jarvis' disembodied voice. “Miss Lewis, Mr. Wilson is in the hall with a dog, my camera has a 74% match that it is the same dog you called Pizzadog. However my image analysis algorithm are not very effective on animals as Sir has never really been a naturalist. If you allow Mr. Wilson and his companion to access to upper levels I would be able to proceed to further checking as Miss Potts refused to let Sir install invasive radar in the public spaces of the tower.”

Natasha mumbled something about Stark being more a naturist than a naturalist and Darcy was thrilled to discover that the Black Widow could be grumpy when she woke up.

Darcy didn’t hesitate to let Sam into the lab level. She gave basic intel about Sam Wilson to her pack's members to be sure they were ok with him being here and they agreed.

Darcy wondered out loud how Sam managed to adopt another lost puppy. No, she was not talking about Pizzadog but about some star spangled superhero.

That was what decided Natasha, allowing the unmated gamma to come to the nest's entrance.

“You know, I think your fixation on Steve Roger's dating life is a bit unhealthy,” commented Darcy.

Darcy traded information, she revealed that Sam had decided to let the soldier wait while Natasha explained she had a standing bet with Maria Hill on when the lost super soldier will create another pack around him.

Under Jarvis' instructions, Sam knocked at the nest door (yes he knocked on a boring wall, Natasha insisted, she found it hilarious).

Sam finally entered the nest. His trained military gaze analyzed the situation. He connected the dots between the distressed gammas Darcy had talked to him about and the freaking assassins in the room. If he was surprised, he didn't show it.

Lucky happily bounced to his owner and Clint welcomed him with just as much enthusiasm.

Sam was glad to see Darcy because the young alpha had been totally disconnected from outside world since she had welcomed her new partners. He had expected it from what she had revealed on her future partners but he was still glad they were over this phase.

Sam and Darcy had a quick exchange based on: How do you know Terry/Katie?

Kate was a regular to the sessions in Sam's center for gammas with PTSD. Not in Sam's sessions, as it would have been unprofessional but another one. Sam didn't mentioned which one, as it was Kate's story to tell. Kate and Sam had become friends. Darcy teased him, wanting to know if there was more and Sam blushed. Adorable. 

Sam officially presented excuses for Kate's behaviour yesterday. He seemed aware of what happened even if Kate had refused to give him the names. Natasha quickly told him it was not his place to beg pardon for someone else's fault.

If Sam was impressed by the Widow, he didn't let it show. He explained that as Kate and him had been trading angsty personal experiences, Kate had reacted rather strongly to his as it echoed her own.

“Oh fuck, Terry's mother’s suicide!” Darcy suddenly gaped.

“We have been trying so hard to preserve everyone's privacy using an unhealthy amount of ‘stuff’, ‘things’ and ‘the one who must not be named’ and you just destroyed everything with your lack of filter,” commented Sam. But he didn't sound angry.

“I can't imagine why SHIELD tried to make me sign non-disclosure agreement,” replied Darcy.

“You signed non-disclosure agreement?” asked Sam, surprised.

Natasha laughed. Clint dramatically face palmed and Lucky barked to participate.

“OK, so somehow Kate went all angry knight in shiny armour on our alpha because what... Clint reminded her of her deceased mother?” asked Natasha who never let an occasion to learn something on an enemy go by.

“I think it is a bit more complicated than that, Tasha,” smiled Darcy who was perfectly aware of Natasha's game.

“You really were an important person in Kate's life, you know. You were there for her during that terrible year. But you were also the first one to give her the opportunity to be herself. The first step through her transition and her revelation to herself. You quickly disappeared from her life,” Sam started.

“Terry's father blocked all contact!” said Darcy, defending her case.

“Shhh. It's not a reproach; it is just how things were. You were really close really quickly before totally disappearing out of her life. Kate may have idealized you. At that time you were this older student so open minded who taught her so much on gamma's behaviour and everything. Later, her subconscious created a mentor figure in you. Seeing you a decade later when you have both chosen different paths could have been hard on her,” explained Sam with calm.

“So this outburst was just Kate abandoning the last part of her childhood? Last teenager rebellion before my baby bird finally leaving the nest?” wondered Clint.

“Something like that. I suppose it explained why she was so hard on me. She was angry because I was my own person and not the projection of her desire of justice and equality,” whispered Darcy. Sam just nodded. 

“You know that it has absolutely no link with a dramatic mother's death,” remarked Natasha always focused on her mission.

“You can't let anything go, can you?” Wondered Sam.

“I am paid to be stubborn,” answered Natasha with a shrug.

“Seems legit,” accepted Sam easily, “However, in this case, it is Kate's business.”

Natasha nodded but it was visible she didn't consider the debate closed.

“However your romance with Stevie is totally your business how is our favourite super puppy?” As far as subtlety went, Natasha has always preferred to attack.

“We are friends. Steve is starting to adapt pretty well. He finished the star wars trilogy last night so we can say he has filled most of the ...”

“I thought you were with Kate yesterday?” interrupted Clint who was more focused on his friend's well being than gossip.

“I didn't say I wasn't. Where was I? Yeah. Steve and Star Wars...”

Sam, the closet nerd he was, could talk a lot on the merits of Star Wars when suddenly Darcy gasped.

Immediately the two spies went to her. Sam was a bit surprised as Darcy had barely coughed but you just don't dismissed this much concern in the most terrifying spies in the state.

Darcy whispered, “Not again. Please,” before her chest convulsed like it had been electrocuted.

“Wilson, move!” ordered Natasha as she quickly undid Darcy's multiple layers. She cut most of the alpha's attire with a knife she pulled from Odin knows where. The bra didn't survive either and Natasha started the emergency heart compressions. Sam was frightened to see burn marks on Darcy's chest where a defibrillator electrodes would be.

Clint was at the nest's entrance to give them space and gave orders to Jarvis to call the tower's emergencies.

Sam took Lucky by his collar as the dog wanted to play this new game with Natasha and Sam could only see his recent friend fighting for her life.

Clint cried on the other side of the room “Darcy, please, Darcy, stay with me,” and Darcy's must have been with them because she repeated an automated, “Darcy ... Darcy ... Da ! Aaah...” 

Natasha's cheeks were wet when she stood up from Darcy's body and declared. “Her heart’s restarted. You know how to choose alphas just as stubborn as you are, don't you, Hawkeye?” 

Clint retorted "I could say the same for your partners."

Natasha took a deep breath and added, “Clint please, escort her to Dr. Banner. Go first. I will overtake you using the vents in some minutes.”

That's how Sam Wilson ended up alone in the medical corridors with an always enthusiastic golden retriever absolutely lost and without the first idea of what he has just seen. Steve Rogers joined him later with homemade hot cocoa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is still mad at Kate because she didn't gave real excuses.
> 
> She is the cutest.
> 
> She has a point through. No excuses or things made her behaviour forgivable. I was too busy trying to solve the pack's dynamic mess and trying to kill my main character in this chapter to give Kate's backstory. Later.


	17. Steve Rogers has no idea of how to flirt

Steve tentatively put his hand on Sam's leg in as show of empathy. He tilted his head on the side. Sam looked at him and laughed.

“Why do I have to fall for lost puppies with anger management issues?” wondered Sam out loud.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Steve with his serious and comforting Captain voice. The one that makes you believe everything will be better just because Captain America decided it would be.

“I don't know. Maybe. I shouldn't reveal...” Sam looked so lost. Steve wanted to give him a chest crushing hug, but now was not the time.

“Would it help if I swear on the flag or something as patriotic?” suggested Steve.

Sam sighed loudly, half amused, half desperate.

“Not the bald eagle's population? Lady Liberty? Uncle Sam's special recipe for barbecue? Freedom and democracy? My mother's virginity?” continued Steve.

“That's not you, that's Jesus,” commented Sam.

“Oh, really? Are you sure?” asked Steve in a genuine voice.

“You never know when to stop, do you?” replied Sam.

“I very much know when to stop. When you’re smiling. Look at you! On your lips. It's a smile,” said Steve.

Sam left a kiss on Steve's lips. It was chaste and Sam seemed just as surprised as Steve was.

“I am worried for her,” confessed Sam.

“Which one?” retorted Steve.

“I was thinking of the one in the tower and whose heart is stopping at random times but now that you made me think about it, I am worried for Kate's heart too,” said Sam.

“Random times? I thought it was because of the death of her new courtship partner? Bruce said so when I asked him about Darcy yesterday.” Steve looked confused.

“That's what he thought the first time, but Darcy hasn't created a new courtship bond in the last week, let alone two! If it had happened only once, sure, why not, it could have been a weird link, like everything can happen in our big new world. But two times? It means Bruce missed something. Our friend is suffering from an unknown heart condition. It terrifies me. I have already lost too much.”

Steve squeezed his hand.

“I feel so stupid, crying on your shoulder over a few lost friends when you have lost everyone you ever loved,” said Sam, suddenly self-conscious.

“Shhh. It's not a competition. My experiences don't invalidate yours. Let me be the supporting sidekick, I am not the self-centered angsty gamma media love to picture,” said Steve.

Sam didn't answer but inhaled and exhaled deeply. Steve recognized the meditation breathing exercises he had learned through the yoga class for people suffering from PTSD.

“Will you tell me more about Katherine?” asked Steve after some time. Only Steve called Kate that. She despised being called her full name but she hadn't dared object to Captain America doing anything, at first, then Steve continued to call her Katherine to remind her he would always be a little shit before being an iconic soldier.

“You know that contrary to popular belief, people who are suffering from PTSD are usually victims of domestic violence and not veterans,” explained Sam slowly.

“I like that you assume that I am already so adapted to this century that I already have all the misconceptions on an illness that didn’t even have a real name back in the day.”

Sam gave him a contrite smile. ”Go on,” said Steve.

“Don't play the man out of time game with me Steven, you have been going to this rehab center for weeks.” Steve only winked like the punk he was. His distraction techniques were working. He was thrilled.

“I don't know how much you caught up on history but in the late sixties, America and a good part of Europe went through a sexual revolution.” Steve nodded to confirm he had heard about it.

“It started well enough. Young generation fed up with government actions and wars and wanting a future outside of the ‘Perfect Nest’ with an alpha-omega couple, seven and half pups, two gammas, a turtle, and eventually a beta if the bigger ones have difficulties at school. People wanted to explore their own dynamics more and not just trust what the pseudo scientific books taught to young children. Gammas were very active in this movement. The government, full of old white conservative alphas, wasn’t pleased and decided to stop them. They spread false information about gamma's bodies.”

“Like it was so easy to get before...” whispered Steve.

“They made the genius move to publish false scientific papers on how gammas didn't need to obey orders to be healthy. That all this servitude thing was just an invention to control gammas.”

“But, that's not how it works! A gamma needs the hormonal release an accomplished mission give him.” Steve looked outraged.

“I know that, and so do you. However, most people bought it. Being in service to someone became being weak. Gammas were ashamed of what they were. Gammas’ needs became taboo. Some tried to become the independent fantasy the government created for them but it hurt both their bodies and their minds in the process.” Sam tried to summarize everything for Steve but he could only remember what an abominable period it had been for the whole gender.

“And while gammas were busy solving their personal lives, they weren't in the government's way anymore,” finished Steve. Sam nodded.

“As much as I understand some things in this world a little easier with this information, I still doesn't understand what it has to do with Katherine,” said Steve.

“Kate's mother was a gamma and her father an alpha.No any other pack member,” started Sam.

“A two person pack outside of the alpha-omega ideal? Uncommon but not unheard of,” commented Steve.

“Yeah, but Kate's father was somehow regretful of his life choices, besides he was in the generation who grew up with government's bullshit on gamma's supposed independence.” Steve frowned but Sam continued his story. “He forced his wife to act like an omega. He had been raised to live with an omega. He didn't see why the fact that the woman he fell in love with was a gamma had anything to do with how he should treat her. He denied her needs and protected her like a fragile little thing. She was depressed. She cried and begged her husband for guidance but he never helped her, only saying she was weak to need it.”

Steve was a bit green.

“He never hit her. Kate often said she would have preferred it, because people, her mother included, think that domestic violence is only physical. Her mother committed suicide the year before Kate met Darcy.” finished Sam. 

He let Steve put everything together in his mind. An abusive and controlling father, a mother suffering from depression due to a lack of attention to her own body’s need. A transgender gamma daughter lost in a new school where Darcy became a new role model in her life. A decade later, the same woman hurting Kate's best friend by refusing to give him what he needed. The reason why her mother killed herself.

“How is Darcy not more informed on gamma's needs? Didn't she know Kate's mother history?” asked Steve.

There was no judgment in his voice. He didn't know how dynamics were taught in this new time and what was and what wasn’t common knowledge. Steve rather liked Darcy. The scientist wrangler was obviously more Sam's friend than his but he truly appreciated her. He tried to understand how things could have gone so badly between Darcy and Kate.

“Do you really expect a teenager who just lost her mother to understand the reasons behind it? Or to be open about it with newcomers in her life?” asked Sam.

“OK, you have a point. I suppose that as some gammas truly don't need to follow orders, like Natasha or Peggy, Darcy just assumed Clint worked the same. Everything because of a bit of fucked up sexual and gender education. Darcy hasn't really done anything wrong but she could have hurt Clint so badly! Oh dear, what a fucking mess,” concluded Steve.

“My thoughts, exactly,” replied Sam. 

“Kate had sounded so lost,” murmured Steve.

Kate had immediately gone to Sam's apartment after her outburst at Darcy’s. Steve was spending all his civilian time there. She had kept names to herself but explained the main problems to them. Sam had offered to bring Lucky back. Steve would have offered to do it himself but he was afraid that seeing Captain America at their door would distress Kate's friend. They didn't know then that Kate's friend was far from afraid of a mere Avenger.

Sam had been able to comfort Kate. The gamma had recently shared with him her history with her father when he told her about his old abusive alpha. Steve had been in a SHIELD mission at that time. They had all agree it was good for them to spend time together and also two by two. Specifically when they shared horrible background, it was easier to have only one confident.

Yesterday, Steve had been a bit lost because Kate hasn't had the time to explain him her younger years. However he had done as much as he could to offer her the reassurance she needed. Kate, sobbing, said that she didn't feel strong enough to explain the whole story again after what just happened. She said Sam was allowed to reveal it for her.

“Where is she? You didn't leave her alone, did you?” asked Sam.

“She went to a trans-friendly clinic to consult her psychiatrist. She booked a room for the week. No phone or visits allowed. I escorted her and didn't leave before I was sure she was taken care of. Then I got your call about Darcy.”

“Difficult to put everything together, isn't it?” smiled Sam.

“A bit,” answered the super soldier.

“Picture me trying to put everything together and trying to excuse Kate in front of a protective Black Widow!”

Steve barked a laugh and said something about his total lack of self-preservation instinct.

“What did you expect? I spent my life jumping out of airplanes without a parachute!” replied Sam.

Steve crooked an eyebrow, thrilled to know more about his friend. Crush. Sam Wilson. His Sam Wilson. He couldn't escape a wave of pheromones picturing Sam in full gear jumping into the sky.

“You know, suicidal tendencies are not supposed to be sexy in a partner,” said Sam.

“It’s not, but bravery is. You are a badass and your optimism can't be cured. You think this world is not broken beyond repair. That it is worth saving and you are doing your best to save it. THAT is fucking sexy and very loveable, soldier.” Steve didn't say: ‘You believe that I am not broken beyond repair, that I am worth saving.’ Sam heard it all the same.

“What can I say, this world still needs a hero,” said Sam.

“Only desperate populations crave for a hero, it won't save them all. He can't,” said Steve.

“It doesn't mean we can't create our own and save what we can,”

“Would you be my hero, Sam Wilson?” asked Steve, a delicious blush on his checks.

“It would be my pleasure, Captain. I could use a sidekick in my quest. However, you will have to retire the flag of your uniform. Your amazing star spangled ass is just way too distracting!” 

Steve laughed freely. “What would you see on my ass then?” asked suggestively Steve.

“If lost, return to the Black Widow,” joked Sam.

“I am the Black Widow,” said Natasha Romanov jumping out of an air vent, making the flirting soldiers' hearts almost stop. “I think we need to talk, soldier boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short but you can see our favourite duo of veteran. Aren't they cute ? What do you think of Kate's story ?
> 
> Next chapter will come back to Darcy. Promised.


	18. Max's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta was having nightmares so I wrote something more fluffy and sweet to help her smile.

The Black Widow appearing through an air vent to interrogate you was a rather threatening sight. Not that Sam felt threatened. Nope, nope, nope. Steve stood up in front of him to face Natasha. Sam thought he was cute. He also found it easier to breath.

“Agent Romanov, can I help you?” welcomed Steve. “Didn’t director Fury ask you to rest? However, should you need anything, I am sure I can replace Sam, a civilian, in the mission you seemed determine to assign him,” babbled Captain America like a child caught by his teacher talking during classes.

“Come on, Steve. You will never be able to keep a man like Wilson if you keep going all mother hen every time someone comes close. Besides, Fury is not the boss of me. As far as I am concerned, he is as good as dead for what he did to Clint,” said Natasha.

“She’s right Steve. I fought in Afghanistan when you were still in a giant icecube; I will be fine without all your macho alpha behavior towards me. Breathe. Agent Romanov is not here as an enemy. If your lovely friend had wanted me dead I would already be dead,” continued Sam.

Natasha licked her lips like a lazy cat.

“True.”

“How is that supposed to be reassuring?” sighed Steve.

“We are soldiers, Steve. We are not here to cuddle up but to get shit done. Go and walk Lucky in the park. The poor guy hasn’t been outside in hours,” said Natasha.

Sam pushed the dog’s leash into Steve’s hand wordlessly. He kissed the super soldier’s forehead and pushed him towards the elevator.

“Do you always video tape boys kissing or is it only because you like me?” started Sam.

“I like you,” said Natasha as she sent the proof of her undeniable victory to Maria Hill.

“How is she?” asked Sam.

“Alive,” answered Natasha.

“You are not the talkative one in the pack, are you?” sassed Sam.

“Is this you?” asked Natasha giving to the soldier a phone screen showing a culinary website.

“I am not a cellphone, I am a person,” said Sam who was as much a little shit as Steve Rogers. Frigga help them should they ever raise pups together.

“Are you the author of the vegan culinary blog ‘A Veteran in the Kitchen?’” asked Natasha.

Sam blushed. No one should have known that. He hadn’t even post anything in months.

“I don’t know why it matters to you,” said Sam, which was an answer to the spy’s question.

“Without anyone knowing anything about what is happening to Darcy, the doctors just went with basic recommendation for people with heart conditions. I want some of your recipes,” explained Natasha.

“You don’t become vegan to lose weight,” Sam started to protest.

“You are the one fat shaming my alpha. Darcy is perfect the way she is. However animal proteins are bad for blood pressure. Besides, Darcy has a sweet tooth and your blog also has muffins recipes with low fat and sugar for diabetic people,” said Natasha.

“Some things still don’t match... How do you know about this blog? Even with your spying skills, you couldn’t have been at Darcy’s side and digging out my old blog. It means you must have known about it before. Wow. You have been following my culinary blog?” Sam tried to figure it out. He looked like he had been smacked in the face. He was always surprised every time someone told him his virtual hobbies mattered to them but this time it was not just anyone!

“Well, actually Clint does. I am hopeless in the kitchen, especially where pastries are concerned,” revealed Natasha.

“Why isn’t he asking about it himself?” asked Sam. He didn’t want to reproduce Kate’s mistakes but he didn’t want the two women to cut the gamma off from the world either.

“He is hunting for a stuff animal for Darcy with Dr. Foster. If you think I am bad at cooking, you have never seen me try to deal with a scientist. The last time I looked after one, he ended up crushing a whole building in uncontrolled anger issues,” said Natasha.

“Ironman. You are talking about Tony Stark at Stark expo. You were Stark’s babysitter?” wondered Sam.

“When your directions say: “stop messing around with newbies, there will be sanctions”, trust me, they mean it,” deadpanned the Black Widow.

That’s how Sam ended up sharing his secret family recipes from his grandfather Ed with Natasha Romanov. It was time that Darcy learned to treat her body to something more nutritious than poptarts.

He had just finished when the elevator’s doors opened. The infirmary level welcomed one of the most mismatched, yet cutest, group ever: the CEO of a company with a fruit basket, a super soldier holding a bunch of helium balloons, an astrophysicist holding flowers, an archer well hidden under a pile of fluff balls and a Labrador holding what once had to have been a beautiful bouquet of roses.

Natasha and Sam exchanged a knowing look. How could they protect all these cinnamon rolls from this big harsh world?

Clint jumped happily out of the elevator, Lucky at his side. “Dr. Bruce said that Darcy can receive visits in five hours. And he said that four hours and fifty-five minutes ago. Can I go first?”

Bruce restricted it to two visitors in Darcy’s room at a time. Clint fought because he wanted Lucky to count as a real person. On the other side, it meant that he wouldn’t be able to be in there with Natasha, Darcy, and Lucky at the same time. Bruce allowed the visits to be restricted to three individuals if one of them was a dog and other two weren’t.

One of the assassin twins always stayed at Darcy’s side. They took turns quickly as Clint was uncomfortable when he was far from his two mates. Natasha hid her clinginess better but she was also comforted to see that her alpha was safe and under her direct protection.

When it was Clint’s turn to wait outside of the room, Lucky stayed with his master to help keep him centered.

Clint also found another ally in the astrophysicist. He had bonded pretty quickly with Jane Foster because Clint could befriend anyone at anytime. The two of them also had the IQ/survival instincts that could only rival ironman’s.

Also Jane knew ASL. It had become useful during the shopping session when Clint noticed he had forgotten his hearing aids. Again.

Jane’s mother has been mute and deaf. Jane had been raised in a silent home. It had been difficult for Jane to bond with other children at school, the children mocked her mother and how they moved their hands to communicate. High school could have been easier but Jane had already met her first love, Science!.

The gamma and the omega bonded trying to find the best stuffed animal for Darcy. They ended up buying animals that will remain her of them. They argued over what would be Darcy’s best patronus. Clint had found a hawk for himself while Jane took a fluffy brown owl. They agreed on a fox for Natasha. The animal’s fur was slightly darker than her hair. Lucky got his double in Doug, the dog from Up.

They debated a long time for Darcy. Jane suggested offering her a simple heart-shaped fluff ball. A heart for someone suffering from heart condition. Jane wasn’t always tactful even if she had good intentions. Clint saw the wrong message it could send but he knew Darcy would find it hilarious. Besides it would make Natasha want to hit him up-side the head, which was her own way of saying I love you.

Clint had been right. Darcy loved every one of them. Natasha slapped him with kindness for the heart. Everything was almost back to normal.

Darcy spent the night in the hospital wing. The doctors had no idea what was happening but they still wanted to keep Darcy outside her secured nest. Natasha was a bit mad and it took all of Darcy and Clint’s persuasive skills to convince her that it might be, eventually, maybe, not a totally awful idea.

Lucky slept at Darcy’s feet. Natasha and Clint took turns guarding. If Clint noticed Natasha only fake slept when she was supposed to be resting, he didn’t acknowledge it. Besides, Clint also used his time off guard duty to climb into Darcy’s embrace and put his head on her chest to feel her heart beating. Who was he to judge Natasha’s desire to stay awake and enjoy their alpha’s survival?

Darcy woke up after a dreamless sleep. She needed some time to remember why she wasn’t in her nest. Lucky’s enthusiastic licking of her face helped her erase all kinds of bad thoughts about her deficient heart. Then she saw the huge smile on Clint’s face. She looked to Natasha for guidance and saw that she was trying her best to look distant about Clint’s excitement.

“Good morning, sunshine. What’s making you jump so happily on my bed so early?” asked Darcy.

“It’s May the 22nd! With the nest and everything I totally lost time of the date but it is the 22nd! It’s Max’s birthday!” explained Clint. Explained was maybe too strong a word, as Darcy hadn’t the first idea of what he meant or why Clint was acting like a kid before Christmas. Not that Clint had ever celebrated Christmas as a kid. Or Hannuka. Or any anniversary or holiday of any sort.

“It’s a SHIELD holiday,” added Natasha.

“How could an international shady organization have a holiday? Are the bad guys supposed to know about it? And who is this Max person?” asked Darcy.

“Just like father Christmas, we use the advantage of working in different time zones,” winked Clint, mischief in his eyes.

“And Max?” Darcy asked again.

“Sooner or later, every agent has Their mission. It may not be the most bloody one but it is a mission that marks a before and an after in this agent’s life. It often involves a civilian we didn’t managed to save. Max was one of them, a child. We are using their birthday as a way to celebrate their memory and help us see the world we spend our lives defending,” murmured Natasha.

“Max, you said? I think that reminds me of something,” Darcy said out loud. She frowned and looked up at the boring infirmary ceiling. “ Yeah. In Phil’s stuff. They are several pictures of the three of you with the words ‘for Max’ written in pen,” Darcy suddenly realized.

“Yeah. Phil took this celebration pretty seriously. He is a man of work. Was. But on that day, he would always spend time with us, on a trip around the world or at a funfair,” said Natasha. She winced when she realized she had referred to Phil as if he was still with them. Like he would just enter the room and take them to an aquarium. It was stupid, really. Natasha didn’t even like fish.

“That kid, Max, was they Phil’s?” asked Darcy.

“No, we only tried to do the adoption before ... Before,” said Clint.

“That’s not what I meant. Was Max the child Phil couldn’t save?” asked Darcy.

“The holiday was already in place when I joined SHIELD. Same for Clint. Phil never told us. I asked him the same question but he said it didn’t matter. That we had to celebrate this day like we would celebrate our own birthday, like we should celebrate life. Yes. I think Max was Phil’s,” finished Natasha.

“Do you think that’s why he wanted children with you?” asked Darcy.

“No. Yes. It’s complicated. We talked about it. Welcoming pups into our lives. We agreed the kids would be their own persons, not here to fill a gap in our lives,” explained Natasha. Clint nested into the spy’s embrace when she talked about gap in their lives.

“Sorry for asking something so rude,” added Darcy.

“It’s OK,” answered Clint from Natasha’s arms, you just want to know us better. I like how you are trying to get to know Phil. He would have loved you,”

A time passed. Natasha ended the hug and Darcy could see she was a bit overwhelmed by everything.

“OK, let’s celebrate. I love birthday parties. Did you plan something?” tried Darcy to put a new topic in the room.

“No”, answered Clint, “Phil was always keeping it secret,”

OK, first plan to change the subject, fail.

“What about a ballet?” proposed Darcy.

“A ballet?” repeated Clint incredulously. Darcy was not sure if it was because he didn’t hear her or because he thought the idea was coming out of nowhere.

“Yeah, a ballet. You know, the classy thing with Russian dancers, tutus and stuff,” said Darcy. Clint nodded.

“Where would we find a ballet?” asked Natasha who didn’t want to hope too much.

“In my SI’s fruit basket. Pepper gave me the reservations for Stark’s private balcony. Tony has never put a toe inside, she told me that someone should enjoy it,” said Darcy.

Darcy was right, they enjoyed it a lot. Not for the same reasons, though. Natasha loved it for the show itself. Clint was thrilled to have a high place to observe all the other spectators. Darcy loved... Well, she loved how comfy the VIP armchairs were. She snored during most of the show. Her two gammas thought she was adorable. They could also easily watch her breathing that way. Clint was beaming because it was their first outing as a pack and their alpha was already confident enough in their capabilities to let them take care of her. To protect her. The dancing thing? He didn’t really watch it, but everything that made Natasha this happy was good on his book.

After the show, Clint said it was way too much a grown up thing for a child’s birthday. He insisted on ice cream in the park. When she agreed, Darcy didn’t know she had just accepted to eating ice cream up IN the trees. Her two gammas were spies, she would get used to it. They had a lot of fun.

They quickly went back to the nest after because they already had done a good job for a first outgoing. They were tired by all the activities and the constant control they needed to have in a crowd.

When they were all snuggled against each other in the nest with blankets and tea, Clint took Darcy’s hand.

“It has been one week,” he said.

Darcy crooked an eyebrow, not sure what he meant.

“It has been one week, you said you didn’t want to consider dating because you thought I was not in the right state of mind to consent. You said you would reconsider it if I hadn’t changed my mind. Would you?” asked Clint shyly. Natasha has never seen the cocky gamma shy in her whole life. It was a sight worth waiting for, she thought. She [Darcy?] took the time to register his flushed checks, his hesitant eyes, and his half smile. A cutie.

“Yes,” answered Darcy.

“Yes? Yes. Yes! Wait. Yes...Yes, what? Yes you will consider it or yes you-“ Darcy cut Clint’s incoherent babbles off with a kiss.

“I love this holiday,” concluded Clint, still dreamy from the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wish you liked it :)  
> If you want more, I also published a Rhodey/Tony where they plan a first date through a dating app without knowing who the other is. It ends well.  
> You can close your eyes, baby, I am here : is the name.


	19. A confessed lie is half forgiven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to wait the weekend before publishing this chapter but I just can't wait  
> .  
> Wish you will like it!
> 
> Beware my little Sherlocks, my awesome beta reader solved out the main twist with this chapter (something none of the people who left a comment has done yet). Would you be able to equal her performance?
> 
> Love to all of you who keep me posting

Natasha was glad to see the Clint’s pinning coming to an end. He was the worst at pinning. However, she respected Darcy’s choice to not indulge their common desire for each other before a specified period of time, for them to be sure about what they want. Thank Nemesis, this period ended today.

Seeing her two packmates kissing was not something new for Natasha. She had lived with Clint and Phil for years after all. She appreciated seeing her partners enjoying themselves. It was not arousing for her, but it makes her happy to see her pack bonding. It felt right. Like home.

But this was not Phil and Clint this time, it was Darcy and Clint and that changed everything. Natasha was afraid that Darcy would consider them a package deal. Bend one; get the second one for free. Sure, Natasha had exchanged a few kisses with Darcy and enjoyed herself but the spy was far from ready to have something as a heated a make out session like Clint was trying to obtain. Physical intimacy was not Natasha’s thing. It had been easy with Phil as he was sexually interested in gamma men and sometimes betas of whatever gender. As Natasha has been neither, the problem had been solved before she tried to buy her new alpha’s affection with sexual favours. But Darcy liked her. Worse she liked Darcy.

Maybe she could try to push herself. She could make it a mission. She wasn’t really sex repulsed; her history with sex had just been far from consensual or pleasurable. Forget that, her opinion on it has nothing to do with her past. Natasha liked to think she had spent enough time looking for herself to be defined by something other than her past. She needed time to be comfortable with intimacy, it has nothing to do with some trauma or anything and even if that was the case it doesn’t invalidate her feelings. Natasha had read some books on personal development in Darcy’s bookcase. She had loved the expression “validate someone’s feelings”. Natasha Romanov does not have a high sex drive, it was a part of who she was.

But for Darcy, she would abandon that part of herself that she had found in a blink. Darcy who protected them while letting them be independent. Who always gave them a way out. A civilian who risked her life for some broken spies she hasn’t seen twice in her life. Darcy who was so good for Clint, saving his life where she had been helpless. She owed Darcy.

By the time the two love birds separated Natasha had persuaded herself that she could do it for Darcy because Darcy was pack and family. Darcy took her hand and squeezed it.

“Is everything ok with you?” asked Darcy with so much kindness and concerned in her voice that Natasha answered truthfully.

“Yeah. I ... Arg. No. Not really. I need time. But I can. I will. Promise. Just let me a week. Three days! I need to sort things out before being ready. Hummm. I will make it worth the wait.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” replied Clint puzzled.

Natasha didn’t answer and waited for Darcy to explain the situation to him. When she saw that no one was talking, Darcy added.

“Yeah, same here. What are you talking about, Nat?”

“I am not ready for sexual intimacy? Any intimacy other than holding each other platonically. With clothes?” Natasha phrased it like a question but she didn’t really understanding what was happening here. It was not a question she had had to deal with as Clint and her were platonic as well as Phil and her.

“Yes. We already know that. What I was asking you is: are you comfortable with me and Clint having non-platonic intimacy?” asked Darcy.

“You mean mating with me looking at you?” Natasha was definitely lost.

“Ush. No! I mean... I would rather not but if you are into -” started Darcy.

“No! I don’t want to,” interrupted Natasha.

“OK. Are you comfortable with Clint and me doing adult stuff when you are not here?” précised Darcy.

“Why are you asking if I am not concerned at all then?” Natasha looked puzzled. Clint looked at her like he was desperate. Natasha didn’t like this impression that she was doing everything wrong and she was upsetting her mates.

“You are concerned because we both love you. I- We want to be sure that what we do with each other won’t hurt you. In a pack, no one should be forced into anything,” said Darcy.

“Clint and Phil were having sex all the time. No one asked for my permission. Are you saying that my previous relation with my alpha wasn’t consensual?” Everyone could hear the anger in Natasha’s tone.

“Tasha, were you having problems with me and Phil having sex?” Clint suddenly looked really really pale.

“No! I don’t know. I didn’t want any of you. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care. You were already together when I intruded on your lives. I didn’t have the right to tell you what to do while you were offering me a home.” Darcy wanted to hug Natasha so much that her arms hurt. She knew it was not the time so she restrained herself. She kept holding Natasha’s hand, still pressed against Clint. A link between the two partners.

“It has nothing to do with SHIELD offering you redemption. I am talking about you. What you wanted and needed. I am afraid I hurt you because I thought my relationship with Phil was not a problem for you.”

“It wasn’t! I just don’t want this level of intimacy applied to me. And none of you even tried. Then, I couldn’t care less about what you did with Phil. Besides, would you really have stopped for me?” asked Natasha with a self deprecating smile.

“Yes!” cried Clint outraged.

“Come on. You loved sex with your mate. You never hid it. You already had all of these things in place when you welcomed me, why would you have stopped on my behalf?” asked Natasha.

“Because I love you. Because you will always matter more than everything else in my life. Yes I am a sexual being but I am much more than that. I am a SHIELD agent, an archer, a proud dog owner, a superhero, a terrible cook. Sure, I find sex great but your well-being will always be my priority just like my happiness is yours,” said Clint.

“OK. Is it hug time? I really think it is hug time. Please stop throwing all of your disgusting fluffy declarations of love on me or I may cry,” murmured Darcy. Whatever she said, it was obvious in the broken sound of her voice that she was already crying.

“Yes,” said Natasha, “hug time.”

Hugging calmed Darcy’s twisted guts. For a while. Clint had been right, it had been two weeks since Clint’s rescue. Clint was able to make decisions for himself and even if he still had wounds to heal, his life was not in danger anymore. If she left, if they forced her to leave after they learned of her betrayal, Clint would survive. He would suffer, sure but he would get over it. Get over her.

They didn’t need an alpha anymore. Would they want to welcome in their life Darcy Lewis, closeted Omega passing for an alpha to hide a life of abuse? Her broken body twisted by mad men for an alpha’s pleasure? The walls she constructed around her to avoid anyone hurting her anymore. Darcy Lewis, the woman she had become. Strong, fierce, independent and madly in love with the two best spies in the world. People she lied to from day one.

Darcy escaped from the common embrace.

“There are things I need to tell you,” started Darcy, sobs in her heart.

“Hey, Darcy, sweetheart, what is happening?” Clint cajoled.

“I lied to you. I like to think it was because I had to or because I never told anyone but the facts speak for themselves. I lied to you,” said Darcy.

“Shhh. Darce. That’s okay. Keep breathing. You were always honest with us on that point. Than some parts of your past were yours and you couldn’t share them, no matter how it affected your everyday life with us. We are good. We are also keeping things to ourselves. That’s ok. Just because we want to try something romantic doesn’t mean you have to spill everything in one shot,” said Clint, petting her hair.

“I- you could only imagine what Clint and I lived through. Clint doesn’t know half of what I have done before meeting him. That’s ok. Is it about your gender expression? Identity?” asked Natasha who guessed where this discussion was going.

Darcy cried in Clint’s arms as she nodded. She was shaking in a deafening silence. Natasha patted awkwardly her back. Clint exchanged an encouraging smile with the spy.

“I don’t think you should reveal it to us while you are such an emotive little thing. We are spies; we would try to take advantage of you, even unconsciously. You should take time for yourself. Rest. Then, when everything is better, you should try to sort out what you want to say to us and what you want to keep to yourself for now or forever,” said Natasha.

“Would you like us to call Jane? Maybe you should take some time with your best friend. She misses you and I think you miss her just as much,” added Clint.

“You guys are kind of awesome. You know that, right?” said Darcy into Clint’s shirt. None of them answered as it was obvious in their trio that self confidence was not their forte.

“Jane, doesn’t know either. I don’t even think she suspects anything,” added Darcy like an afterthought.

“It’s not about her helping you to figure out how much you want to reveal to us. It’s about spending time with your best friend. You’re stressed out because we are pushing our relationship further and it’s stressing you out because there are things you haven’t told us. Staying with us 24/7 will just increase your guilty feelings. I am sure your mind will be clearer if you went outside of the nest for another reason than having a heart attack.” said Clint.

“You won’t mind?” asked Darcy.

“We will be together in the nest. You will stay on this level as Jane’s apartment is also on the lab level, we can be there in seconds if Jarvis tells us. Besides, you will be protected by a big Labrador god who adopted you as his little sister and came back from Asgard to look after you. Even if we are reluctant to have you outside of our sight, it is irrational and you will be good. We can take care of ourselves,” reassured Natasha, kissing Darcy’s head.

“I love you, guys. I am sorry I will have to hurt you,” said the little woman cuddled between the two most freaking awesome assassins in this realm and probably others.

“Shhh. Let us decide to be mad or not. Until then, just have fun with your best friend, while I spend time with mine,” said Clint.

“I will be back before midnight,” promised Darcy.

“You better be, Cinderella,” sassed Natasha.

Darcy went to Jane’s apartment, guarded by Lucky. Thor welcomed her with a bone-crushing hug. They treated her like a princess and Jane only zoned out five times to Science! which was some sort of record.

Natasha and Clint were sparing in the nest to help Clint to get back into shape. Two weeks without training was a lot in a level seven Agent’s life. Natasha had pushed Clint to the mattress for the seventh time when Jarvis’s voice resonated in the nest. Clint and Natasha were in Dr. Foster’s apartment in seconds like promised.

They discovered Darcy fighting the air against invisible enemies, like she was drowning, choking on the air that filled her lungs. Thor was blocking her arms to avoid her hurting herself while Jane was trying to force Darcy to talk to her.

Darcy seemed to recognize Natasha and Clint as a wave of pack pheromones filled the room. Darcy looked into Natasha’s eyes and pleaded: “ Please... He needs help. Go find him. He is hurt. So hurt. Please go find him. Please. It’s killing us,”

Having her pack at her side had given Darcy some coherence again because she hadn’t been able to form words since the beginning of her crisis.

Clint asked her “Who do you need us to find, Darce?”

Darcy worded with difficulties, “Alpha, my alpha.”

“Darcy, we need a name. Please Darcy. I know it’s hard for you. Let us help you,” said Natasha.

“Da...rcy” repeated Darcy with her broken voice.

“A name. Just a name,” pressed Clint.

“ Da...rcy... Darcy Lewis. His. His name... is,”

A spasm stronger than the previous ones hit her. Jane who was monitoring her pulse through data that Jarvis gave her on her Starkphone cried out that they were losing her. Thor moved the two helpless assassins from Darcy’s body and put his enormous hands on his friend’s chest. The god invoked his thunder power to force Darcy’s heart to restart. It took a lot of energy to control the electricity with so much subtlety, a far cry from the brutal force he used to defeat his enemies but he succeeded.

Thor had been to busy controlling Darcy’s heartbeat to notice the change in the air. He was also not used to Midgardian’s bizarre gender identities. He smelled the air and looked puzzled. Like every time he didn’t understand something he turned to his brilliant girlfriend.

“Jane, my dear, what is this smell?” asked the thunder god.

“It’s Darcy. Her body is going through heat,” answered Jane in a blank tone. She couldn’t look at the spies.

“I thought heat was a phenomenon that only happened to omegas,” countered Thor who tried to understand where his lack of understanding came from.

“That’s true,” confirmed the scientist.

“Oh? Darcy is an omega, then. Ok. Noted. I just didn’t know. I hope I never hurt her by misgendering her. I will have to ask her when she wakes up,” concluded Thor like it was nothing. He didn’t know Darcy had gone into a coma to protect her mind from the violent trauma her alpha unconsciously inflicted on her body while he fought, lost between life and death.


	20. Sleeping Beauty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time I needed to update this one. I had my first author block. I struggled with Natasha's reaction. Hope you liked it :)

"How is she?'' Jane asked as soon as the doctor opened the door.

"She is stable. Her situation is heat related and according to the omega privacy laws that this hospital is following, I can't give you any more information. Unless you are her family, but you aren't, are you?” Asked the doctor in a blank tone that implied that she had had this talk a thousand times before.

Jane and Thor immediately answered a firm ‘NO’ while Natasha and Clint stuttered a quiet ‘yes’. They looked at each other, a bit confused by the other’s reactions as well as their own. The doctor frowned at them, her nostrils slightly moving.

“What I mean here by family, is not your attachment to my patient but if you are officially bonded by pack links,” said the doctor in a bored tone.

"Yes, we are," said Natasha and Clint even more quietly than the first time. Jane nodded sadly while Thor looked confused at his girlfriend. He didn't understand how sister in arm couldn't count as family but he understood that now was not the time to ask.

"I wouldn't have ask you to prove yourself but as you seem uncertain of your answer and as you are both gammas and my patient is an unmated omega, I will demand you to show me your bond bites," said the doctor who looked more protective with each second. It happened sometime when unmated alphas found a compatible omega in distress.

"You are not allowed to ask that! It's discrimination against gammas. They have spent the whole week attached at the hip, how can you not scent them on each other?" Jane looked positively furious. You shouldn't say an that omega, one who had fought all her life to remain in the un-omega-like domain she has chosen, that you couldn't do some things because of your gender.

"I do scent them on her, however they are gammas, mercenaries. It's in their genes to guard omegas. They could just follow the protection orders of some alpha for their own benefits. They are not necessarily related to my patient. I am only thinking of my patient's interest here. I want to guarantee she doesn't risk anything with those gammas."

"Those gammas are here and can hear you, you insensitive regressive asshole. I am coming back with my portal generator and we will see who is helpless and craves protection.” Jane Foster was becoming redder and redder as anger filled her.

The doctor was technically in the right if you followed old traditions but they were not really used anymore. Except when an unmated alpha doctor fell for an omega in heat who was craving protection. What she didn't know was that Darcy already had all the protection that a World Council Security member could only dream of and that Dr. Amanda Mill was about to see it first hand.

A warm hand on her back stopped Dr. Foster in her speech on gender equality. Natasha gave her a shy smile.

“Thank you for trying to defend our honour, Dr. Foster but it is unnecessary. Sometimes you have to choose your battles. Besides it's not like we are ashamed of our bond, is it Clint?" asked Natasha. The spy quickly communicated with her best friend in complicated eyebrow choreography.

Natasha and Clint moved in perfect synchronization to display the biting scar on their neck before covering up. The doctor just got a glimpse of their marks while Thor and Jane respectfully looked away. If asking to see someone's mark was tolerated, asking to look at it a second time was considered harassment. All of them were well aware of it.

Biting scars were something really private and special. Betas, omegas, and gammas wore collar and covering clothes to hide their naked skin, mated or not. Only sex workers and underground gender equalitarist exposed their neck without protection. There were alphas that didn't wear anything. It was not like they could receive bond mark. Darcy wasn't wearing anything. Natasha hadn't thought much of it as she thought she was an alpha, now it was another element to consider in the puzzle.

The doctor made an ugly grimace and finally allowed the gammas into her patient's room. Even with the heatproof air conditioning, the room was filled with Darcy's scent and pheromones. Their lizard brain immediately associated the smell with omega but if they analyzed it a bit closer, overriding their instincts, they recognized that her omega smell was not really that far off from the smell they had learned to associate with Darcy, with alpha, their alpha, their nest, their home. It was a bit confusing.

As soon as he entered the room, Clint jumped onto the bed and tightly hugged Darcy's unconscious body. An omega in heat craved touch and Clint has been denied for too long his right to provide for the alpha he has chosen... The omega... Alpha. The Darcy.

The hyper-sexualisation of this century made touch deprived heat symptom a sex thing but actually, the omega in heat could pass through most of it with snuggles from someone they trusted. Hopefully, Darcy's body will have registered Clint and Natasha's scent and pheromones as family and they could fulfill her heat needs with heavy hair petting and snuggles. Well, that was if Darcy considered them family, which, with the current situation, they were not totally sure she did.

They had so many questions to ask Darcy. They felt hurt. Disoriented. Angry. Betrayed. But Darcy was not able to confront their thousands of questions. They couldn't just shout at her, emptying their too heavy hearts, before abandoning her. Darcy was deeply asleep and her body was crying for them to help her to get through her heat. A heat that could worsen her heart problems. They needed to take care of their distressed friend before getting the answers their souls craved. Wasn't that what Darcy did when she rescued Clint? Putting someone's distress before her own comfort?

Natasha hadn't rushed to the bed like any packmate would have done facing their omega in distress. She stopped at the entrance and smelled the air. Analyzing the Darcy she knew comparing what was new, registering the new parameters. She walked slowly to the bed. Her eyes fixed on Clint rather than Darcy. The gamma was now fully installed in the bed, under the covers, the omega closeted between his opened legs. Their arms were tangled together and securing Darcy against his chest.

Clint's nose was against her neck, where the heat scent was stronger.

“She still smells like family, like... like an alpha. Ours. But she also smells like omega,” whispered Clint not sure if he was happy about it or not.

"Maybe she has always smelled like that, we just associated ‘alpha’ with something that wasn't. People can be blind to a truth they don't want to face. You wanted an alpha, your body made you see one," answered Natasha.

A stranger might think that Natasha was angry at Clint for believing in this childish fairytale. Second chances. Clint knew Natasha better. She had seen Darcy as an alpha too. If she accused Clint of being compromised, it was because she was mad at herself for the same reason. She had believed too. She had wanted to trust Darcy. Love had made her weak. A failure.

Clint protested, "It’s not like I was the only one to think she was anything else but an alpha. Don't tell me that Fury scented Darcy as an alpha because he wanted an alpha to trust! Everyone thought so. Did you see Jane's reaction? She is the closest thing Darcy has to a sister and she didn't know. I bet my right eye that no one knew. As far as we know, Darcy could be a transgender alpha."

Clint's face light up at the idea. Natasha countered him.

"No she is not."

"How cis-sexist of you!" replied Clint who tightened his grip on Darcy.

"So, I am cis, now?" challenged Natasha.

"That's not what I meant, Tasha. It's just... It's a possibility, you know. Darcy could be an o-to-a alpha," said Clint. He looked ashamed and repent. He didn't want to let Natasha think that she was anything else than the better half of his soul and he will always love her. All of her. He just had an aching vacant place in his heart he had thought Darcy could fill. Had already filled if he was honest with himself.

"Come on, Hawkeye. Get some distance. Look at Darcy's odd behaviour. Did she look like a transgender alpha? No!"

"Maybe not, but she did act like a trauma victim. Besides she has always made it clear that she was hiding something and she didn't want me, us, to be too involved before knowing it," said Clint.

"You are using the victim of abuse card against me. Really, Clint?" Natasha's tone was blank. Her whole face was frozen in a neutral emotion. Like she was too emotional to build a better mask.

"Maybe. Aren't there some excuses you would accept to explain Darcy's behaviour that wouldn't make her the villain and us the poor victims of her lies?" Clint tried again.

"Aren't there some excuses you would accept and forgive the fact that she lied all along?"

"The only thing I need is to know that she has been honest on the rest and I do believe that she has been sincere with us. I would forgive her because I will always chose to love the person and not their gender," Clint said firmly.

"If that's true, why have I never been enough for you?" For the first time, Natasha's voice broke.

Clint tried to take her hand but she distanced herself. Clint tried to reach her but he couldn't, not without leaving Darcy's side. He looked conflicted at the unconscious woman.

"Stay with her. She needs you more than me," whispered Natasha.

"Only if you tell me. Tell me what I have done or not done to make you believe that you were anything less than my soulmate?" asked Clint. Natasha made a face, just like every time Clint told her they were soulmates. She said it was cheesy but never suggested a better term.

"Why did you wanted to come back to Phil when we met? You immediately knew I was yours. I asked you to join me around the world, to become the most feared assassin duo in the world..." started Natasha.

"We are the most feared assassins in the world. We fought aliens. Every Agent of SHIELD shivers when you enter the room and thanks to pseudo god magic tricks, I receive the same treatment."

"Maybe, but at the time I wanted you abandoned your world for me. That you would leave Phil, that unknown suit that would take you away from me," explained Natasha.

"Didn't you love Phil?" asked Clint who wasn't able to hold back his tears. Omega heat pheromones always made him so emotional. Damn hormones!

"I do now. But then he disappeared and I was not able to help you. Once again, I was not enough, I will never be enough," said Natasha.

"That's true, you are not enough. Even without my biological need for an alpha, you wouldn't be enough. Whatever you do, I will still need air, and sunshine, and food, and friends. Worse, if one day you disappear, it will hurt like a motherfucker but I could survive without you by my side. Maybe not for a long time as I would have lost my best partner but I would live. I would survive. Because that's what I do. The only thing I am able to do."

"You are just being mean," replied Natasha.

"I am just telling the truth. Do you want unconditional love from me? I don't do unconditional love. My mother was beaten to death instead of me from unconditional love. And my unconditional love for Barney didn't make his blade hurt any less when it went through my torso. Yes, my love has conditions but I don't want to be regarded any less for it. I always consider leaving a relationship if it doesn't satisfy everyone and I think that makes my love stronger because I don't stay by habit but because I purposely chose at every moment of my life to be at your side. Just tell me now; Nat. Is my restricted twisted version of love not sufficient for you? If that’s the case, I am sorry I didn't see it earlier." Clint was a bit out of breath at the end of his tirade but he looked Natasha right in the eyes.

She answered him just as truthfully.

"I do love you, Clint Barton and I doesn't have the first idea if this love is unconditional or not. I don't even care. I do love what we had with Phil and what we were trying to have with Darcy. It made me happy. I just need time to adjust my childish fantasied version of love before accepting it fully."

"Since when did the Red Room allow its puppets to have opinions and dream about love?" wondered out loud Clint.

"They don't. Every form of attachment was seen as a defect. Defective puppets were not kept when we already had so little to eat. It easily explains how Darcy named my emotional constipation. I have never been exposed to any representation of love. Until a man. I was young the first time I met him. When he trained me we looked the same age. He never aged. He had an obsession, a mission, he wanted to escape. He remembered a glimpse of his past and remembered he was loved. He was my first and only crush. I think he found me cute. Maybe like a sister. He asked me to join him in his evasion. He had everything prepared and said we could leave together. Abandoned everything we knew to find what we forgot, decided what we wanted to become. Fugitive lovers against the whole world. In my teenager mind, it sounded really romantic and appealing. But I couldn’t do it. I was afraid to leave the only place I knew and called home. No matter how abusive it was. He was arrested and I never saw him again. I was too young but he planted the first seeds of freedom in my mind. I escaped five years after. His constant focus on what he remembered. The ones he loved. It marked me for the rest of my life. Add to it my culpability for making his plan fail. I swore I would find someone I could be with 'til the end of the line.’ Someone I could abandon everything for like I hadn't been able to for him." Natasha was lost in her thoughts and Clint decided to let her calm her stormy mind. When she looked present again, he commented.

"Wow. That's twisted,"

"Aren't we all?" replied Natasha with a heartbreaking smile.

"What are you gonna do?" Someone else would ask ‘what do you want’ but Clint knew Natasha always worked by instinct and action. Phil had always been the one with a plan. Them? They were assassin. They improvised in the heat of the moment. Nothing like near death experiences to clear your mind.

"You. You stay with her as I am not able to provide for her. Someone needs to guard her while the other hunts her courting alpha," said Natasha.

"Where will you start? We only have his name and gender. He could be anywhere," said Clint, depressed at the idea of losing Darcy to the wounds of an unknown alpha.

"We are not even sure his name is Darcy Lewis. We just filled in the blanks between our Darcy implying she chose her own name and her calling out "Darcy Lewis" before going down. I won't consider it as trusted information. What we know for sure is that someone is doing ugly experimentations on a human being. Maybe experimentation focused on alpha-omega bonds but we can't be sure now. They were already doing it some twentish years ago. On children," started Natasha. Clint continued like they usually do when they planned missions together.

"As far as we know, and we know enough, only three organizations have ever risked it. All of them are supposed to be old history and Phil made SHIELD close its last center. Who do you bet on, Fury ignoring his deceased friend’s wish or HYDRA or the Red Room back from the dead?"

"SHIELD, obviously,” answered Natasha.

"Phil trusted SHIELD, I will trust him too. I bet HYDRA. Besides, with Captain America back from the dead why not his Nazi enemy?" retorted Clint.

"You are too naïve," mocked Natasha, "but I won't complain when it means one week free of dishwashing duty!"

"We will see. You are going to Fury, aren't you?" asked Clint.

"My mate died for me. It's the law of Talion.Even if he is not involved in Darcy Lewis's case, he has to help me. He owes me a mate. Besides if someone can find a dying person somewhere on this globe without even a name, it's him. He will do it. Even if it’s only for the challenge. He’s getting tired of desk duty," said Natasha, babbling to cover the fact she had called Darcy her mate.

"Sounds about right. Take care, partner," said Clint.  
Natasha answered back. Maybe it was his defective hearing or a crazy wish but he was sure he has heard a plural when she said "my loves".


	21. Of spies and heroes

The most difficult thing as a spy was the secrecy it implied. Everyone and their grandma's cactus could access and infiltrate somewhere and steal precious information. It became really difficult, really funny, when you had to be so subtle about it that you could come back by the same door later.

Natasha Romanov had already tried to hack Fury's office. Obviously, she had. If a newcomer in SHIELD was not caught trying to steal information from the big boss' office during their first six months in the agency, they were assigned to office duty for the rest of their life. They were supposed to be a spy agency, for God's sake not a casting agency for the next Disney Christmas movie! What was a spy without trust issues? Natasha knew. A dead spy.

The only exception to the rule was Maria Hill. Every level seven agent had waited impatiently for the most promising recruit SHIELD has seen this century to pass the last test. She never violated the office's security. Or she was never caught at it. Natasha didn't know which perspective she found more frightening. Maria Hill had been summoned into Fury's office one year after her arrival. They spent two days dead to the world. No one knew what they talked about. Six months later, Agent Hill was Assistant Director Hill.

Clint Barton was the other exception to the rule. He tried to break into Fury's office two or three times a day during the first two years. He took pride at being the most obvious he could. He turned every barrier he could into pieces. He wanted to make it clear that he was a mercenary, and that as soon as he caught anything worthy of blackmail, he would be gone. Barton had always been dramatic like that. Then Phil happened. Now, he only broke everything inside Fury's office once every year. Often for celebration, like Valentine's Day or Father's day or something.

Natasha was more subtle. Her loyalty was her own and she would never trust anyone outside of her pack. Well, except for one alpha/omega lost girl, but that was something totally different.

Fury was dangerous. She had made tentative forays to violate Fury's office as it had been expected from her. She had been a bit more obvious about it to let them underestimate her capabilities. The Red Room had taught her that.

Natasha was a Black Widow. She was determined and deadly patient. She could wait for months, years to slowly install her web. Weaving her invisible strings. Every time she came, she dug a bit further into Fury's precious security. She often had to restart from scratch as the paranoid man frequently destroyed and rebuilt every barrier around him. But the Widow was confident, her traps were undetectable and sooner or later, she would catch her prey and eat him all.

Natasha was impressed by Nicholas Fury's paranoia but you didn't become and then stay the director of the biggest spy organization in the world without being suspicious of your own shadow’s potential of betrayal. Fury had thought out his mechanisms of computer protection well.

SHIELD used paper for the most part for security reasons, which terribly increased the level of paperwork, but they still couldn't totally avoid computers.

His computer was protected by passwords. Every password granted access to a new part of the computer you couldn't have even have guessed the existence of. Every level was filled with information, with increasing levels of privacy. Some of them were false, most of them actually, but you could still find a confidential file at every level that was not supposed to even exist. If a negligent hacker went through Fury's computer, they might believe that they had done the work after they passed the first level. The principle was the same for every level. Natasha had gone until she reached a level 9, once. Fury's trust issues were probably pathologic at this stage but you couldn't really accuse him of paranoia as he was being attacked by thousands of different people at every hour to gain some pieces of information he kept close to his chest.

Natasha's bugs, she called them her little spiders, had reached the 6th level of protection. She couldn't know in advance how many levels Fury had put in place this time. At least 9, Natasha guessed it should be around twenty.

Breaking 20 layers of passcodes would have taken weeks. That was if she had to break it with spy laws, if she needed to come back after stealing the information, but that was not the case today. It was a rescue mission and she didn't care about putting a big target on her back. Darcy was hers and she was Darcy Lewis's. It was not new information. She had already revealed it to the worst bullies in the world (the ones with power), the world security council. Ironically was she made them believe it before it became true.

No, today was not a spy's job. She was working in full light, fighting with everything she had, engaging everything that mattered against her enemy. Not like a mindless puppet.Not like a mercenary. Not like a spy. Like a hero. 

She easily made it into the office and put her spiders on full power. She activated some bugs she had installed in Stark tower's code to use Stark computing capacity in making it through Fury's walls. She had seven minutes before Jarvis would detect it and redirect the computers to their original tasks. That was a good score, SHIELD would probably come about two minutes after.

She activated the procedure and started to pray to a god that she didn't believe existed.

Suddenly her little spiders warned her that they had reached the 31st level of protection, which would likely be (98.8% maybe) the ultimate level. It had only taken them a full minute. Natasha couldn't believe her luck. She still had to find what she was looking for in Fury's session computer, but at least, she had an opportunity to dig a bit. Even some dirty secrets on Fury would work as blackmail material. Contrary to Barton, she wouldn't have any hesitation selling the information to 'the bad guys'. If Fury was between her and her pack, no matter what camp he has chosen, he Was a bad guy.

Curiosity killed the cat but it could save a spy's life. Natasha looked what the 31st password was.

Natasha knew she had been fooled when she saw ‘Monica Chang’ as the password.

Using a name as a password was so stupid that it was a joke of some sort in computer nerd circles.

It might have been an ultimate protection in itself, as no credible hacker would think ‘Monica Chang’ was what the most important man in America's protection used against computer attacks. Some people might lose time trying to unlock a level of protection that didn't exist before trying to analyze what they had in front of their eyes.

However, Monica Chang was not a simple name. Level 3 agents all learned 'accidentally' that their Director has been married to one Monica Chang and lost her against his battle against terrorism. Craving a vengeance he couldn't fulfill, he worked with all his soul until reaching the top level of SHIELD.

Monica Chang is a pure invention but 95℅ of agents never went above this level, so a lot of people do think that Fury is a romantic creature of some sort instead of the killing machine he is. Monica Chang is a joke. Melinda May invented Monica Chang. She said it was good for management that his troops think he is human and has feelings. Like you still had those after you gained the power of life and death on your first million of lifes. Fury often glares at May when he catches a look of pity from an unsubtle agent's gaze. Most level seven agents found it hilarious. Barton kissed May on the mouth the first time he met her because he thought her trick was pure genius.

Monica Chang can't be Fury's last password. It could conceivably be in the first three, but not the last. She went through the list of the passwords with growing anxiety.

This was starting to look like a suicide mission.

Shit.

The last ten passwords were also ‘Monica Chang’.

She knew she had been fooled. Fury has been waiting for her. He trapped her.

She felt a presence behind her back and her last conscious thought went to Darcy before her assassin's survival reflexes took over.

She reached for the knife at her belt (one of her favourite, a model you didn't find anymore, one like the Soldier taught her to use) and propelled herself into the air with a twist of the hip she put her adversary on the ground. The Widow was surprised to find that it wasn't Fury himself.  
Her pride was a bit hurt, she would have thought she was an equal opponent to him, but he only considered her worthy of a mere mercenary. Not even worthy to be killed by the adversary that defeated her.

Then Natasha realized who the person she had attacked was.

She had never expected to see Kate Bishop as Fury's enforcer.

Natasha was mad like she has rarely been. She used her rage to quickly immobilize the archer. Besides, the young woman was a talented marksman but she was lacking experience in hand-to-hand combat. Clint had tried to teach Kate but Natasha had nothing to learn from Clint, his protégée was no challenge for her.

"Give me one reason not to tighten my hands around your neck, birdie," said Natasha. In other circumstances, she would have killed her only for having caught her off guard but maybe she had information Darcy might need to survive.

"Pizza!" screamed Kate panicked.

It was so unexpected and so like Hawkeye that it hit her like a punch. The Black Widow went back in her mind, not needed anymore and Agent Romanov took place again. Natasha analyzed the situation. Natasha growled in frustration before slapping Kate in the face.

"What is that supposed to mean?" said Natasha. There was terror in Kate's eyes.

"Darcy is in danger, Clint sent me to help you. He told me the password was ‘Pizza!’" answered the woman so quickly that she was out of breath. Maybe the pressure from a gamma in full protection mode against her neck was also responsible for that.

"That made no sense. You are not bringing any new information to me. Lewis was already in danger when I left her and Clint would have never sent you to help me. He knows I work alone," whispered the spy.

"Not anymore," replied Kate.

The gamma growled at seeing a rival gamma question her defensive capabilities. Kate expected another punch in the face but nothing came. The younger woman continued.

"I caught you off guard."

"Nick Fury took me off guard."

"I don't care. I could have killed you. Or someone else could have. You are used to have someone having your back. You are not the paranoid killing machine they programmed. You became a team player, because that was what they expected you to become. Shield. Coulson. Clint."

"What do you want?" snapped Natasha.

"To help you."

"Liar!" The widow's grip tightened dangerously. "You don't want to help me, you don't even like me."

"I do hate you because you are the perfect puppet my father would have liked me to be. You have been broken and you survived where my mother died. But I DO love Clint. No matter what animosity exists between us, we both love him and we know it. He wants me to help, I am gonna help. I also need to prove myself to Darcy. What... What I said wasn't right. I am not good at words or at gift baskets, but I can shoot things. Please, let me help."

"You are just so annoying..." Said Natasha. Her face hadn't change from the cold assassin's mask but Kate could hear the spy rolling eyes.

"Who better to annoy Black Widow than Hawkeye?" Kate answered tentatively.

Natasha didn't respond. She went back to Fury's computer. She copied the only file that she had found. A file presented at every level of security once you had reached level 21. A file named Romanov.txt

Kate continued happily.

"Who better to have the Black Widows' back than Hawkeye?"

"Don't push your chance, kid. I acknowledged that you know your way around a bow, if you can run too, you are in."

"Run?" asked Kate, puzzled to be challenged on her marathon skills.

"SHIELD is coming to arrest the hacker that broke Fury's protection. If you are not gone in ten, you will be arrested for it and I won't do anything for you."

Kate turned around to ask ‘What about you?’ when she realized the spy was already gone.

Security alarms started blaring in the whole building.

She hasn't expected welcoming flowers from Romanov but she had what she wanted. A chance to prove herself. A chance to matter. A chance to rescue Darcy Lewis.


	22. A reason to live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 2017 and I am back ! Hope you like it :)

Clint was lying in Darcy's hospital bed, shielding her. Sam had left, leaving Steve alone to guard them. Not that he had the first idea of what to do. 

Peggy had teased him for being unable to talk to pretty dames. He figured it was true for comforting fellow soldiers too. Probably for reassuring average looking children and ugly stray cats as well. It had always been Bucky's role. He was the one with communication skills.

Not only was Steve the socially awkward one, but he didn't even know Clint that well. The agent had been guarding the Tesseract since his "waking up in the future" happened; they had fought side by side for a few hours (and against each other for a few too) then Clint had been imprisoned by SHIELD. What an acquaintance! Steve knew he would die for this guy, as he would for any fellow avengers. But finding comfortable words? Oh crap. He would rather send a nuclear missile into a wormhole. Why did Stark always have the good roles?

Kate could have helped Clint but she was fighting alongside Natasha to save the day. However, even with the two badass women, Steve feared there would not be much to save if he couldn't find a way to save Clint from himself. Captain America understood why they had sent Kate to help Natasha. They may not get along but they knew each other and fought well together. Captain America would have slowed the Widow down. Knowing it didn't mean Steve Rogers accepted it. He would have loved to put all his energy into punching bad guys in the face instead of staying here, unable to leave his uncomfortable hospital chair. Why were all hospital chairs so uncomfortable? Men could fly and walk on the moon but the hospital chairs still had to be rigid pieces of garbage? Steve remembered another uncomfortable chair, another hospital, another small form lost in the bigger bed. _Mom._ Don't leave me.

Darcy was beautiful in her coma-induced sleep. Her skin was pale, framed with her dark hair. Her lips were tinted with her signature lipstick. She reminded Steve of Snow White. And of the old days when Bucky tried to find a third for their pack by inviting pretty dames to the cinema.

Darcy's immobility made Clint's shivering even more pronounced. He looked so lost, fragile, at her side. Steve remembered crying against his mother's sleeping form. Had he looked so young, so broken, then?

Yeah. Probably.

Steve tried putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, like Bucky had done so many years ago. But Barton just put more distance between them. The guy probably didn't even recognize him. Clint had moved to shield Darcy's frame from another attack, another menace.

Maybe he should leave.

A nurse opened the door and Clint let out a plaintive noise. Sam was following the doctor. Not a nurse, a doctor.

"I would like to see the medical proxy of the unclaimed omega, Miss Darcy Elizabeth Lewis. Is one Clinton Francis Barton, widowed gamma, present?" Asked the doctor like the three of them were not in the room.

"That would be him but the attack of his mate has shaken him. He is not at his best right now. Maybe I can help you?" Steve tried, standing up like a puppet pulled on a string.

"Neither Mr. Clint Francis Barton nor Miss Darcy Elizabeth Lewis have reported as mated. To anyone. You are not of any help. I can only speak to Mr. Clint Francis Barton. A gamma that should know better than to associate himself with an omega if he is unable to provide for them and offer appropriate protection," replied the alpha doctor placidly. 

Oh. Wow. Steve didn't know he could want to punch someone who hadn't killed puppies, so hard before this moment.

He took a deep breath before answering, because he was a good man and he had sworn to Bucky that he would try to reduce the number of fights he was involved in. But still. For all he loved Bucky, he didn't know if it would be enough.

Helpfully, for his best friend’s memory, Sam woke Barton up from his lethargic state and they were approaching Dr. Dick the Dick.

"Mm B'rton," mumbled Clint.

"I see," said Dr. Dick. Do it for Bucky, Steve.

"What do you want from him?" asked Sam.

"I need to inform Mr. Barton of my patient's... condition. Something I can only do privately. Gentlemen, if you will..."

"Actually, we will not. Specialist Barton is a federal Agent that has been honorably discharged and is suffering from PTSD. Something you know, obviously, because you have read your patient's file. I am Specialist Psychiatrist Councilor Dr. Wilson. I am in charge of Agent Barton's case. My patient is perfectly capable of making the best decisions for himself and Miss Lewis, however I wouldn't want him to suffer more than necessary from a rude and unwelcoming environment. That's why, according to the powers my status grants me, I will be privy to every discussion involving Agent Barton." Sam said.

The doctor looked like he has eaten something especially disgusting. Steve was pleased. And a bit in love with Sam Wilson.

"Let's go to the mandatory counseling room where you will tell us about Darcy's condition," Sam added.

Later that day, Steve would ask Sam ‘Since when did you become a doctor?’

‘Never, but going through multiple therapies with Riley at the VA center, I learned a few trick to fool old white cis alpha doctors that think they are to good to read their patient's file.’

‘You ass,’ laughed Steve.

‘I may be an ass but at least I’m not an alpha dick.’

Yes, later that day, they will all laugh about Sam's trick but at that moment, they were scared that Clint would not make it to the counseling room without fainting. Sam stopped at a vending machine to grab some candy. Maybe sugar could help Barton wake up. Yeah, maybe. Make it two bags of candy and an espresso.

Dr. Dick, who had still not given his name, was sighing loudly at Sam's gesture. Apparently, you don't fix people with sugar.

"What was so urgent, Doctor...?" Asked Sam once they were all in the secured room. The doctor didn't take the hint to reveal his name and started ranting.

"I just received Miss Lewis’s second blood analysis that confirmed the results the first test gave us. But the angry petite woman that claimed to be my patient honorary sister threatened my genitals and force me to redo the tests. She claimed that Miss Lewis was not and had never been mated to an alpha. Which is stupid considering that blood tests can't lie. Neither can the urine tests for that matter. Contrary to what sisters may believe, honorary or not."

"Doctor, what did Miss Lewis's analysis reveal?" asked Sam who dreamed about throwing the angry astrophysics at him.

"Darcy?" Asked Clint still lost but making all the effort in the world to try and follow the conversation that concerned his alpha... omega... lov... frien... Mate's health.

"Pregnant. She is Pregnant, Dr. Wilson. In her sixth or seventh month according to her last pregnancy hormones levels." Dr. Dick totally dismissed Clint's presence.

"Darcy, but she can't be!"

"I know my job, Mr. Barton. However, you and your angry insignificant  friend seem to know very little about the lady you call pack and family."

"Dr., if you continue to harass my patient like that, I will report you to the professional board. A patient I would like you to address by his title, as he served to save your sorry ass." Warned Sam, whose pacifist ideals were being challenged.

"We would know... She would... She would have told us. We would have seen... Six months.... It can be!" ranted Clint.

"It’s not that rare for an omega that went rogue from their alpha partner to hide behind gamma mercenaries. Just to seek protection and deliver the alpha's litter before disappearing again. I will look into the list of rogue omegas that were reported by their previous alpha partner.

"I have known her for years!" Pleaded Clint.

"A hook-up then. God know that new generation doesn't respect the holy mating values."

"Dr., this is your last warning."

"How could we have missed... Six months. She can't be!"

"Omegas nowadays, they can hide pregnancy. Oversized sweats and sportswear. Besides your "Miss" Lewis is on the fat side of average. And with a pair like hers, I am surprised she is not already milking like a sweet omega cow."

Sam punched the doctor in the face. He fell loudly on the grey tile of the hospital

Sam looked at what he had done. He mumbled "Sorry, Clint, I shouldn't have. It's not my role," before grabbing the doctor's hand to help him stand again. When Dr Dick had found his equilibrium again, Sam said "Agent, if you may," and the gamma punched the douchebag doctor.

And he would have gladly continued to do so if they had not been interrupted by a panicked Steve Rogers.

"Clint. Quick. Come on. It's Darcy. She woke up and wants to see you,"

All the rage in the gamma left him in an instant. He was about to run when Steve took his hand.

"Clint, she is in heat!"

Then the two superheroes disappeared. 

"Well, I suppose that invalidates your pregnancy theory," said Sam "Stand up before I make you, Dr. Asshole, we have an discrimination report to fill out."

On the other side of the hospital, Clint had joined Darcy in the room and had locked themselves inside. Steve had called Pepper and she was planning an emergency evacuation for Darcy and Clint to the Tower. Pepper was handling the situation. Steve Rogers almost allowed himself to breathe again when his cellphone rang. Since when did he have a cellphone?

"Rogers."

"Romanoff. How is she?" Steve went paler than that winter in 1936.

"Fine! She is ... Fine. She... Yeah good. She... She just woke up! Doctors don't know what's wrong with her but as all her vitals are good she may go back to your nest today!" Good job Steve fake-it-until-you-make-it Rogers. "How are you?"

"None of your business" she replied quickly.

"Oh. Ok. Cool. Hmm... How is Kate?"

"Fine," answered Natasha looking at Kate's unconscious body.

"Ugh. Fine fine or just fine?" asked Steve not calm at all.

"Fine as in still in one piece and breathing. Rogers, I am not here to pass love letters to your SO," Steve didn't like angry Natasha. At all. He preferred the alien killing machine; the spy had looked more human then.

"Yeah. Umm ok. What do you want from me, then? You are the one who called..." Smooth Rogers, smooth.

"Rogers. Steve. I want you to answer truthfully. Do you regret that Erskine's formula worked on you?" Asked Natasha is a whisper. 

"Do you want Steve Rogers’ answer or Captain America's?" asked Steve just as low.

"I don't know. Both, I suppose. Are they that different?"

Natasha was standing, alone, in a Shield laboratory. Various scientist and bodyguards lying at awkward angles. Kate unconscious and a prisoner of one of her Widow’s webs. 

"I don't know. I just woke up in a whole new world. The people I knew, Peggy, Howard, the Commandos, all gone. People are fighting in wars I don't understand. But future is not so bad. Sure, you don't have the flying cars Buck dreamed about but you have good people. I’ve met good people."

The phone was now on loud speaker. Rogers' speech echoing in the room. She could hold her gun with two hands. Even if she was shaking, she was determined. Her finger on the trigger. She was targeting the heart, not taking a chance that her target might survive. Again.

"Darcy, Sam, you. Hell even Stark. You are good people."

Natasha chuckled at Tony's name but there were tears in her eyes.

"I won’t say I don't miss the people I lost. Ma, Bucky, ... I will always mourn them just like you will always mourn Agent Coulson. So, was their sacrifice worth it? Was mine?"

Natasha's gaze became cold when he mentioned Phil. No, she won't always mourn him.

"I’ve seen all the experiments they have done to recreate what Erskine did to me. USA, OTAN, Nazis, Russia, all tried. They are probably still trying creating their own monsters like how the good old Capt'n was created. Creating terrible creatures, twisting Nature's law. Bruce told me about his research. I heard about the red room even if not much. Human's ambition terrifies me."

In her sight, another monster. The one Fury's file had warned her about. She thought she was ready to confront it, but she was not. The monster that had been greedily absorbing Darcy’s life. Natasha remembered Darcy begging. The supplications were coming from the monster itself,  Natasha now undestood.

_Please. Let me die. Let me die._

 The alpha threatening the life of the alpha she has chosen for herself and Clint.

"But Loki attacked New York and we assembled to protect it."

_Please let me die._

"New York and her citizens stood up again. They fought, not for destruction, like we did, but to rebuild the city that they loved. They built her stronger, and bigger, and more beautiful than even Howard had dream to see her. Lady Liberty fierce and protecting her own."

In front of her, in a hospital bed, laid Phil Coulson.

Alive.

The man she has sworn to protect.

The man she had failed to protect.

_Please. Let me die._

Philipp Jonas Coulson, back from the dead. He was looking at her with the piercing blue eyes Clint adored -adores. He was pale and resigned. He hadn’t said a word, just listening to her and the steadfast words of Steve Rogers. Captain America.

"I don't know if it was worth it. Humanity is still so young but I know that I will give everything to make sure that Bucky's sacrifice was not in vain. I have blood on my hands, Natasha, and a life full of remorse and regret but I would never change my decision. I would still lie to enlist and I would still trust that German doctor who believed he could change humanity for the better."

Phil Coulson. Her Alpha. The man she abandoned. The man that abandoned her, was smiling.

"How patriotic of you, Rogers," answered Natasha.

"If you wanted a different answer you should have called Stark," laughed Steve.

"Yes, sure. The weapon maker turned into a superhero fighting for green energy. I am sure he has the worst view of this world," replied Natasha.

"So, did that answer your question?" Asked Steve.

"You promise me she is out of danger?"

"She hasn't had a crisis for two hours now and I can hear her talking with Clint,"

"Then I think it did. Thanks for the guidance, Cap."

She hung-up.

And lowered her gun.

"You better have good answers, better than your idol's patriotic rant or I swear I will shoot you, Phil."

"Thanks for giving me a chance. I missed you too, Natasha."

She cried and he smiled. Or maybe he cried and she smiled. Or maybe they both did.  It didn't really matter at that moment.


End file.
